I don’t know what day it is anymore. Never mind that I’m an Australian freelancer based in New York and I’m forever working across two time-zones, I don’t know what day it is because I’ve been sitting inside my apartment for three months.
When I last wrote about my experience quarantining in Brooklyn, New York, I had been in self-isolation for a week and a half. I wrote about being consumed by anxiety, feeling scared for family back home, and the benefits of feeling connected.
Ten weeks on, my feelings have changed. I’m no longer fearful or anxious. Mostly, I’m just tired. I’m utterly exhausted. And I’m sad.
Yes, there are still touching acts of kindness, and sweet Internet moments like this video of horses doing salsa in The Netherlands. And yes, things are improving. Lastly, yes, my circumstances are considerably better than millions of other people‘s – especially here in the States.
But each of those details is compounded by monumental loss. Over one hundred thousand people have died in this country. Approximately 30,000 of those deaths occurred in New York. Forty million people have filed jobless claims since mid-March.
Over the past two weeks, it’s been reported that 13,000 new cases of Coronavirus have been confirmed in New York City. Our latest ‘great milestone’ was seeing the number of daily deaths dip below 100, about a week ago. And while this is an improvement from where we were in April and early May, it feels warped that something as sad as 79 deaths in one day could be an encouraging result.
Restrictions are easing in some areas, sure. But it’s still asked that we wear masks whenever leaving our homes. A trip to the grocery store is stress-inducing. A stroll around the block means carefully dodging every person that even looks your way. It’s like a live game of Pac-Man that no one wants to play where everyone else is a Ghost threatening your health.
And in the middle of this chaos, Black people in America are still being murdered on the street and in their beds. It might seem strange to you that in an article about quarantining in New York I’m mentioning hate crimes, but that monumental loss I mentioned earlier? This is a huge part of it.
Frankly, police brutality and racism should not be topics that need to be discussed. But they are. They need to be discussed often. Even, apparently, during a global pandemic that’s already disproportionately killing people of colour.
By now, I assume you’ve heard about the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. I also assume you know of the racist call Amy Cooper made to New York authorities after Christian Cooper (no relation) asked her to leash her dog.
If you’re unaware of these cases, I suggest taking a moment to read up on them. Please do be aware, however, that there is some triggering content associated with these attacks.
I’m writing about these events because there is grief and anger in the air here. And I can’t honestly write about my experience without speaking to the tragedies that are happening. The tragedies that *have been happening* throughout America’s entire history.
This country is on fire, quite literally. Riots have broken out in Minneapolis, Minnesota – the city where George Floyd was killed by a white police officer who refused to remove his knee from Floyd’s neck despite hearing the man plead “I can’t breathe”.
Rioters forced their way into a local police station, driving officers to abandon the property. It was later set alight. Businesses have been looted and buildings have been burned to the ground.
Protests have also broken out across New York, Kentucky and Colorado, among other locations.
It’s worth pointing out that several protestors have stressed that many of these demonstrations have started off as peaceful – with violence only escalating once police responded forcefully.
At least two police precincts in Brooklyn were under siege last night. Cop cars were set on fire; hundreds of people took to the street. And honestly, I don’t see how anyone could be surprised.
Something – everything- has to change. That was the case before coronavirus, but there is an urgency to the situation now that cannot be ignored.
Although the former officer who killed Floyd has now been charged with murder, nowhere near enough has been done. Systemic racism is poisoning America. It is killing Black people. The COVID-19 crisis has only highlighted that further.
Like I said earlier, I’m tired. I want to go home. But I’m alive, and I don’t need to worry about that being taken from me (or my family) when I leave my apartment. And that’s a world away from a lot of people’s realities right now.
If you’d like to learn more about the climate in the States, or find ways to help (like where to donate) I’d suggest checking out the following profiles: Rachel Cargle; Tamika D. Mallory; Minnesota Freedom Fund; The Loveland Foundation; Janaya Future Khan; Matt McGorry; Until Freedom; The Bail Project.
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