Hoo boy, we’re in for a wild ride here, folks. Prominent YouTuber personality/doco-maker/conspiracy theorist Shane Dawson has issued out a multi-tweet apology from absolutely nowhere for claiming that he boned and jizzed on his cat.
That is not a typo or misquote of any sort.
He claims that the whole boning and jizzing on his cat thing came out of a “dumb awful sketch idea” he had years ago and it was a “very very dumb” move on his part to talk about this idea on a podcast as if it was a real story before declaring that he intends on making it “right”.
i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
ive apologized many times for all the dumb shit ive said in videos and podcasts over the years. ive learned my lesson over and over again and im more confident now in my ability to be entertaining by just being myself and not being so shocking for laughs.(2/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
that story was fake and was based on a dumb awful sketch idea I had years ago that i never made (THANK GOD) and when the opportunity came up for a funny moment in the podcast I told it as if it was a real story which was DISGUSTING and VERY VERY DUMB (3/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
my goal with the podcast and with my videos years ago was to tell shocking stories that would make people laugh and scream “OMG NO U DIDNT!!” and think i was “soooo crazy”. its embarrassing and i fucking hate myself for it. (4/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
my goal with the podcast and with my videos years ago was to tell shocking stories that would make people laugh and scream “OMG NO U DIDNT!!” and think i was “soooo crazy”. its embarrassing and i fucking hate myself for it. (4/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
theres so many things im so proud of. but all of my offensive jokes, over the top stories, and insensitive jokes are something that still haunt me and something I have to be faced with everyday on the internet. and it never gets easier. (6/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
so im sorry for what i said about my cat, im sorry for what i said about anything or anyone that was offensive, and im sorry for being someone who thought being super offensive and shocking all the time was funny. im sorry for my past. but im really to make it right and (7/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
For context, Dawson ran an episode of his Shane and Friends podcast back in 2015 in which he, without any prompting, tells an over-the-top story about, well, humping his cat and subsequently finishing on it.
I don’t know about you all but when an apology like Dawson’s comes completely out of the blue, it’s almost like he’s got something to hide. Plus his very descriptive telling of the story is something you only really get if you had actually done the deed.
Not suggesting that he did screw his cat, of course. Just something to ponder about.
I found the audio!! Shane Dawson came on his cat! WTF!!!!! This was on his podcast pic.twitter.com/6slFQRxIeE
— Sandwich Ruler (@magician_dragon) March 17, 2019
Now we can’t really be sure if Dawson really boned his cat or not, but that’s not really the point here.
As funny and disturbing as this whole saga is, mixing bodily fluids with a house pet is, somehow, far from the worst thing Dawson has said and done since he joined YouTube in 2008.
The YouTuber has made a bunch of inappropriate pedophilia jokes in the recent past, which have resulted in controversy and subsequent grovelling apology videos.
Dig a little further back and you’ll discover that Dawson was a big fan of dishing out offensive racist “humour”, including using blackface to portray people like Wendy Williams and Raven Symone.
And most recently, Dawson copped flak for his doco-series on renowned moronic YouTuber Jake Paul for being too sympathetic towards the latter’s known racism scandals, as well as his making light about mental health issues by trying super hard to diagnose Paul as a sociopath.
So in short, don’t feel sorry for the guy at all, especially since he is still racking up millions of views and clicks from people who seemingly forget about his transgressions whenever he uploads a new conspiracy video.
The sad thing about this latest saga is there’s a good chance his cat boning apology tweetstorm may actually help boost his follower counts, essentially nullifying any motivation to actually “do better” as he promised in his apology videos.
And let’s spare a thought for his poor cat in this saga because it’s just become another innocent victim in the whirlwind of insanity that is Shane Dawson.