Bleats

We’ve Disappointed Daddy Barack Obama With Our Toxic ‘Woke’ Culture, Happy?

He's not angry, just disappointed.

Barack Obama has kept a relatively low profile since Combover Caligula became US President and the world coincidentally started going even more downhill on all fronts. Well folks, Obama has had enough and he has some strong words for everyone, particularly about *checks notes* um, ‘woke’ culture.

Dad isn’t angry, he’s just disappointed.

During a talk at an Obama Foundation event (via BBC), our US President spoke about young people and gave everyone a reality check about the state of the world and its complexities.

“This idea of purity and you’re never compromised and you’re politically woke, and all that stuff — you should get over that quickly.”

“The world is messy. There are ambiguities. People who do really good stuff have flaws. People who you are fighting with may love their kids and share certain things with you.”

But perhaps the most important part of Obama’s talk was he expressed concern over how young people’s go-to reaction is to call people out on social media under the guise of being “woke” isn’t going to bring about real change.

“One danger I see among young people particularly on college campuses is that I do get a sense among certain young people, and this is accelerated by social media, that the way of me making change is to be as judgmental as possible about other people and that’s enough.”

Say what you will about Barack Obama but he hits the nail on the head about the fascination with cancel and woke culture these days.

Nothing in the world is black or white and people’s tendency to immediately “cancel” someone or antagonise people for not being “woke” is doing more harm than good. It’s one thing to call people out when it is warranted, but it’s another to weaponise it into something that satisfies your own agenda.

Not only is invoking outrage not going to be constructive in any sense of the word, it doesn’t allow for any growth and learning from either side. Empathy and education has been lost in a sea of tweets and hashtags.

It’s hard to believe that something as simple as that needed to be said out loud but if there was anyone in the world who you’ll want to listen to, it’s Barack Obama.

Our US President isn’t saying that you have to change your beliefs, but it’ll serve everyone well if people just remembered that we’re all flawed human beings and if listened to each other rather than rage tweet. Perhaps some actual change would come out of it and we won’t disappoint dad Obama like this again.

Eggplant And Peach Emojis Are Banned On Facebook Instagram, Soz Teens And Buckfois

Surely there are better things to focus on than the horny meanings behind fruit and veg emojis.

In news that’ll horrify teenagers and horny people everywhere, Facebook and Instagram has banned the use of *checks notes* “sexual” emojis. In other words, you can no longer pepper your messages with eggplant, peach and water drip emojis.

This ban isn’t some sort of weird crusade against eggplants and peaches. According to the updated Facebook and Instagram guidelines on “Sexual Solidification Community Standards” (via The Daily Dot), the social media giant is aiming to clamp down on instances of “sexual solicitation” through this emoji ban.

Specifically, Facebook will implement bans “when content facilitates, encourages or coordinates sexual encounters between adults”. There are two sections this criteria will fall under:

  • A user must either “implicitly or indirectly” offer sexual communication, “nude imagery”, “sex”, or “sex chat conversations”.
  • Or have some form of “sexual suggestive elements” in their post.

So while you can still use eggplant, peach and water drop emojis in a “normal” conversation, using them as a reference to anything sexual or to cheekily cover up nude body parts will result in a blow from the ban hammer.

No need to worry, vegans and vegetarians, your emoji usage won’t be affected too much.

While this ban will be a big blow to horny people who don’t like to use sentences, it is more of a concern to the adult content creators and sex workers who use Facebook and Instagram for their business as it’ll not only restrict the posts they can share but it’ll make them more exposed to harassment from pearl-clutching anti-porn crusaders.

This weird ban comes at a time where Facebook is copping heavy criticism for not doing enough to regulate the swaths of racism, propaganda and fake news that’s flooding its platform. Surely the company has more important things to worry about than hidden sexual meanings of fruit and vegetable emojis.

So to those who are using eggplant, peach and water drop emojis in a, uh, “sexual” manner, you’re going to have to think of a new way to convey your horniness without using fruit and vegetable symbols.

Peter Dutton Wants To Scan Your Face Before Letting You Watch Porn

Yeah, this isn't going to go wrong at all.

Remember when the government wanted to implement an age filter to all your favourite porn websites? It seems like wiser heads prevailed as that seems to have taken a back seat for for now. Until Peter Dutton and his Department of Home Affairs decided to pick the issue back up for some reason that is.

But rather than go with the age filter idea, ol’ mate Dutto decided the better option is to scan everyone’s faces before they get to indulge in some personal five-knuckle shuffle time.

According to The Sydney Morning Herald, Peter Dutton and his Department of Home Affairs has suggested that the best way to stop all this underage porn watching that’s afflicting Australia right now is to use face scans to confirm people’s age before they’re allowed to access.

The idea is to have the face scan match a person’s photo that’s already recorded with Home Affairs, such as a driver’s licence, and this will act as an age verification system of sorts.

The idea is to have this voyeuristic proposal be lumped in with the Federal government’s separate proposed facial recognition scheme, which the Morrison government was scolded for and told to redraft after it was rejected in October by the joint intelligence and security committee over safety and privacy concerns.

Worrying comparisons to George Orwell’s 1984 aside, this hypothetical porn facial scan thing is a logistical and privacy nightmare. Not only will everyone need some sort camera, this system will create a huge database of all those Aussies who watch porn that’ll cause endless headaches should it all be leaked, which going by recent history is quite likely.

And even if Dutto and Home Affairs have a good solution to these issues, circumventing the facial scan won’t be all that difficult given all the tools we have at our disposal these days. When you’re preventing horny people from getting their fap on, no facial scan or age filter is going to stop them from getting to their porn.

But in the worst case scenario that Peter Dutton and Home Affairs figure out a way to spy on your sex life, expect a booming new black market to emerge in Australia involving the selling of USB sticks with porn on them.

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