Bleats

Meet Sirfetch'd, A New Duck Pokemon That Makes No Logical Sense At All

The latest Onion Knight doesn't quite adhere to the laws of physics.

We all know about Farfetch’d, right? The wild bird from the old-school Pokemon games that carries a leek around and is apparently delicious when served with an orange sauce? Well Nintendo is giving him a new evolved form called Sirfetch’d and he’s looking swole, folks.

Armed with a sleek leek lance, a shield, a new gym routine and a smug look that’ll make your knees quiver, Sirfetch’d looks buff as hell and ready to steal your partner after beating you in one-on-one combat.

After 20 or so years, Farfetch’d finally gets the glo-up/evolution he deserves.

According to Nintendo’s official Pokemon website, Farfetch’d from the Galar region will evolve into the “incredibly noble” Sirfetch’d after experiencing many battles and are “often chosen as a motif for paintings.” Perfectly understandable. Just look at those god damn eyebrows.

However, there’s one big problem with Sirfetch’d and it has nothing to do with its name, design or any of those things. The big issue has to do with how this leek-wielding wild duck makes no logical or physical sense.

Just take a look at its physical stats:

It stands at just 80cm tall and yet it weighs… 117 kilograms?

Well folks, we have a new definition for the words “dense” and “unit.” It’s one thing to bulk up but this is just ridiculous since ducks don’t weigh any more than a couple of kgs.

Even if we factor in the weight of the leek-lance and leaf shield, which can’t weigh more than a few kgs for a duck that stands less than one metre tall, the laws of physics would have to be broken for a wild duck to weigh the exact same as a human bodybuilder.

One thing’s for sure, people aren’t going to be feasting on Sirfetch’d like they did Farfetch’d because it’ll kick your arse if you tried to cook it, not to mention how tough the meat is going to be.

But hey, I’m definitely reading into this way too much. Trying to bring the laws of physics into a discussion about a wild duck rocking eyebrows that’ll make Cara Delevingne envious while fighting with a leek lance is like trying to mix water with oil, it just doesn’t work.

As for when and where you can get the ridiculously swole Sirfetch’d, he’s a Pokemon Sword exclusive so let that make up your mind on the “should I get Sword or Shield or both” debate when the games come out on November 15.

100 Vats Of Bull Jizz Exploding On An Aussie Farm Is The New 30-50 Feral Hogs

That's a whole lotta bull.

A lot of weird stuff happens in Australia but it’s going to be hard to top this one: a cattle storage facility in Victoria went up in flames, causing 100 cryogenic cylinders of bull jizz to explode and subsequently give birth to the new 30-50 feral hogs meme.

According to ABC News, fire services were called at around 3am to Yarram Herd Service after reports of a blaze and it took 10 fire crews over two hours to fully contain the ungodly combination of flame and bull jizz.

The firefighters didn’t have quite an easy time of it in the struggle against all this bovine spoof as the pressurised cylinders used to store this jizz all exploded due to the heat of the fire, which caused the bull juice inside to “rapidly” expand.

In the words of Country Fire Authority Gippsland commander, Chris Loeschenkohl,”the lids of the cryogenic cylinders were just popping off the top and projectiles were being thrown from the building,” which forced firefighters to go into full “Neo dodging bullets” defensive mode due to an onslaught of bull jizz propelled cannisters and the LPG cylinders on the neighbouring property.

Accurate recreation of the scene.

It’s not just the firefighters – and cleaners – you should feel sorry for in this whole saga. It is estimated that each cylinder of bull jizz is worth between $500 to $1,000 (which means a total of $50,000 to $100,000 was lost in the blaze) which is a decent chunk of change, especially for the farmers struggling with Australia’s never ending drought.

But hey, let’s try and look on the bright side, at least we now have an Aussie equivalent of the 30-50 feral hogs meme. Next time someone asks what would hypothetically happen when 100 vats of bull jizz meets fire, we have a definitive answer for them.

Racial Stereotyping May Be Why Video Games Are Blamed For School Shootings

All branching story paths lead back to racism.

Despite no evidence linking video games to violence, folks keep insisting that all them vidya gamehs are to blame for horrible tragedies like school shootings. As it turns out, the reason why this is may have less to do with gaming and more to do with racial stereotyping.

According to a study by the American Psychological Association, researchers found that people were more likely to blame a school shooting on video games if the perpetrator was white than when the perpetrator is black.

The study comprised of two components. The first involved having 169 participants read a mock news story on a school shooting and researchers found that people were more likely to blame video games as the underlying cause when the shooter was white.

The second component involved examining 204,796 news stories of 204 mass shootings that took place after 1977 – the year when gaming really took off with the release of the Atari 2600. The results found that video games were mentioned 8.35 times more frequently when the shooter was white than when they were black.

But perhaps the most interesting finding in this racial stereotyping study is just how little video games are actually discussed in the news overall when a school shooting happens.

Researcher found that news articles referenced video games 6.8% of the time when a white person is the perpetrator of a school shooting compared to the mere 0.5% of the time if it was a black person.

While this result definitely suggests racial stereotyping, it also shows just how much people – especially politicians – like to loudly scapegoat video games as the cause of shootings rather than diving into the real underlying problems.

In addition to how racial stereotyping is definitely a factor in why video games get blamed for school shootings, the study pulls the curtain back on the undercurrent of racism that still exists. This is best summarised by this paragraph from the study:

“Such [racial] stereotyping may lead people to accept school shootings committed by Black perpetrators without explanation but seek explanations (such as violent video games) for the potential causes of school shootings when conflicted with the stereotypical perceptions of what a violent person looks like—such as when a perpetrator is White.”

So next time people try once again to pin a US school shooting on video games, not only are they trying to avoid actual important issues like gun control, they’re also probably a little racist as well.

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