Pill Testing Might Have Saved Seven Lives At Canberra's Groovin' The Moo, Just Saying

Turns out that science can save lives. Who'd've thunk it?

Depending on who you ask pill testing is a sensible public health measure that saves young people from dying from accidentally poisoning themselves (health professionals, drug education professionals, people who run festivals, young people) or a terrible idea that just won’t work because drugs are just bad (politicians, most notably NSW premier Gladys Berejiklian).

And at this point the latter position holds sway over all the states, which is one of the reason NSW has been shedding music festivals as the state government institute expensive and punitive licensing conditions and penalties instead.

But in the Australian Capital Territory pill testing is a thing, and Groovin The Moo organisers have issued a statement saying that pill testing found seven potentially deadly substances at the festival on Sunday.

In all cases the people with the drugs ditched their stash, meaning that they didn’t take things which might have killed them. And thus on the Monday this report was published, were still alive. Nice!

Notably, in other states that’s not the case. And there’s a body count as a result.

And sure, we can wag fingers and say that kids these days should say no to drugs and be high on life instead, but the fact is that seven people had dangerous drugs they were planning to take, and then they didn’t. It’s hard to spin that as a negative.

Will this change anyone’s policy? Probably not. After all, if these people don’t die because of taking drugs, how on earth will they learn that drugs are bad and that they shouldn’t take them? WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN???

Mötley Crüe's Biopic Is A Strong Argument That The Rock Star Lifestyle Sucks

It looks exhausting, frankly.

Eighties hair metal stars and random umlaut enthusiasts Mötley Crüe are the epitome of rock’n’roll decadence, thanks in large part to the gloriously trashy biography The Dirt (written by Neil Strauss, the man who would subsequently ruin dating and hasten the necessity of the #MeToo movement by writing pick-up artist bible The Game).

The Dirt is second only to Anthony Kieidis’ autobiography Scar Tissue as the book owned by dudes that otherwise own zero books and wonderfully confirms that being a rock star is a never ending party of drugs, babes, rock’n’roll and – in the case of guitarist Mick Mars – an increasingly painful spinal condition called ankylosing spondylitis. Yeah! Whooo!

Anyway: the band who reportedly once snorted a line of ants on a dare have now gotten the full biopic treatment with The Dirt on Netflix.

It’s a cartoonishly colourful tale of four plucky young haircuts rising from LA unknowns to rock superstars, followed by the inevitable nightmare descent into booze and drugs, car accidents, porn star-related infidelities and domestic tragedies. And also diseases that fuse your spine together. And ants.

Despite all that drama, it currently boasts a 45 per cent fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes. Then again, it’s not the band were ever exactly critical darlings.

“I’m in a glass case of em… oh, never mind.”

The band retired from live performances in 2015, not least because of Mars’ condition, but anyone inspired to go out there and swig some Jack with an ant chaser might want to check one of their final live performances at that year’s Rock In Rio, at which frontman Vince Neil performed the classic ‘Kickstart My Heart’ as… um, a series of vowel sounds? A tone poem? Having just filled his mouth with bubblegum? Any one of these seem plausible.

In any case, the lesson here is clear: kids, say no to ants. Or, as the song famously goes, “kickstart my heart nya neggle nart”.

Your Favourite Festivals Are Showing Static For NSW's Dogmatic Anti-Fun Laws

They're joining forces to halt the ongoing Footloosification of Sydney.

As the NSW state election season staggers to its exhausting conclusion you’d likely be aware of the number of weird own-goals the Coalition government of Gladys Berejiklian is currently scoring.

And among the replacement of stadia, the collapse of public transport and weird last minute scandals around its members, there’s the whole harsh-new-conditions-for-festivals thing.

And a bunch of them have decided to cut through the, ahem, static.

The government’s attempt to be all Tough On Drugs and show action over pill overdoses that doesn’t involve the introduction of the supported-by-evidence process of pill testing (which Ms B really, really does not get) led to new last minute licensing requirements for festivals, literally days before some of the festivals were booked to take place.


And while that forced a couple of festivals to cancel at the last minute after being unable to comply with expensive and unclear new regulations, there are still 14 festivals designated “high risk” although neither they nor the government know what the criteria actually are.


And while the legislation is NSW-specific, the lion’s share of festivals around the nation have joined in solidarity with their NSW colleagues. Splendour in the Grass! Groovin’ The Moo! Falls Festival! God, that sounds like a

It’s all part of the #votemusic campaign which seeks to encourage NSW voters to take the future of live music into account when casting their ballot.

Because let’s be honest, live music is still about the best thing on this godforsaken orbiting rock-lump and a world without it isn’t worth bothering with, consarn it.


Interestingly Bluesfest have not come on board at the time of writing, despite their being all bolshy about Australian festivals when it appeared that they were under threat.

C’mon, guys. Everyone wins with saving live music events, or everyone loses. After all, today’s millennials are tomorrow’s boomers…

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