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It’s been a big day for… Listening to...

Auspol

Politicians Are Decking One Another In The Halls Of Parliament So Happy Valentine's Day, Canberra

Just when you think that your opinion of our elected officials couldn't get any lower…

It feels like ages since some bizarre story involving One Nation exploded onto the national headlines, so it’s actually kind of a relief to hear that a brawl broke out in Parliament House.

Yes, current and former members of One Nation – the party known for their quiet dignity and conciliatory approach to de-escalating internal conflict – had a punch up in the halls of Parliament House.

The combatants were former One Nation senator Brian Burston, who acrimoniously quit the party last year to sit as an independent for about 90 seconds before joining Clive Palmer’s United Australia Party, and Pauline Hanson’s helicopter pilot and chief of staff James Ashby.

And why were these former colleagues in the far-right trenches at each other’s throats? Well, strap yourself in for the sordid tales from the senate backbenches.

The flashpoint appears to have been a story which came out this week regarding a complaint made against Burston last year, where he allegedly offered “to “f—” a staff member to make her feel better” – about which party leader Pauline Hanson made claims in the Senate under parliamentary privilege.

Burston claimed that the story is false and rejected the idea that his high staff turnover was somehow connected with his behaviour. Hilariously, his spokesperson specifically denied the story on the grounds that Burston would never use the f-word. And, as though on cue, Burston then aggressively used it to a journalist from the Australian.

Anyway: it appears that Ashby then approached Burston and his wife in the halls of Parliament House after attending a dinner provided by the Minerals Council, and then… wait a second, the Minerals Council? So lobbyists are actually holding back-slapping events inside Parliament House? Is… is this a usual thing? When did we sign off on that?

Sorry: so Ashby was videoing the whole thing on his phone as he asked Burston about the allegations. And then it was on like Donkey Kong, if Donkey Kong was a game about a smug thirty-something getting a rise out of a 70 year old man.

Then, after the scuffle, a smear of what looks awfully like blood appeared on Hanson’s office door, amid denials from Burston that it was anything to do with him.

Then Burston returned fire with counter-allegations that he was the victim of sexual harassment from Hanson in a move which seemed somewhat abrupt. And Hanson – a pollie better known for her endless reserves of outrage than her rollicking sense of humour – genuinely laughed at the claim when asked about it on Sky News – delivering the deathless line “I might be 64 but I’m not that desperate.”

The matter is now being investigated by the president of the Senate and will probably not come to anything before Burston is condemned to the political wilderness at the next election.

But the important thing is: seriously, why the hell is the Minerals Council holding events in our federal parliament?

Honestly, do we need to talk about this? Who should we call?

UPDATE! Ashby’s Parliamentary pass has reportedly been revoked, so looks like Hanson might have a job going!