Bleats

Paul Rudd Speaking Cantonese Hurt My Ears, Now It's Your Turn To Suffer Through It

Stick to being young forever, Paul.

Paul Rudd is a man of many talents, like being a brilliant actor, having an otherworldly sense of comedic timing and staying young forever. But for all his gifts, speaking Cantonese is not one of them. Allow me to explain.

Back in 2000 before Paul was Ant-Man but after he had used up his post-Clueless clout, he starred in some crazy Hong Kong action film titled Gen-Y Cops.

Going from hearthrob in Clueless to being in a random foreign action film is a wild flex but hey, when you’re an actor in Hollywood who is struggling to make ends meet you take what you’re offered, even if that offer means going over to Hong Kong and starring in some film that probably makes no sense to you.

Never mind what the film is all about, all you need to know is Paul is in it as the token white guy, he’s got blonde hair, and he speaks some god-awful Cantonese.

To non-Cantonese speakers, that would’ve sounded like complete gibberish.

To Cantonese speakers like myself, well it still sounded like complete gibberish.

Okay, to Paul’s credit his Cantonese actually makes sense (albeit barely) and
I can confirm that those subtitles are all 100% accurate. Doesn’t make his attempt less cringey though.

Joking aside, I really have to give props to the guy because learning even a few words in Cantonese is incredibly difficult due to all the weird inflections involved. The fact that Paul managed to learn his lines – albeit phonetically – at all deserves all the praise in the (acting) world.

Having said all that, I’ve got a short but important message to Paul Rudd (if he’s reading this), please do literally anything else other than speak Cantonese in a film again because listening to it was painful. Literally.

The Wild Celeb Twitter Feuds That Forever Make Us Feel Better About Ourselves

It's amazing what impact 280 characters (or less) can have these days.

Since Twitter is a platform where people can lob comments willynilly behind the safety of a computer or phone screen, it’s also a place where many savage feuds have taken place.

That’s not too surprising but what is surprising is the number of Twitter beefs that have erupted between celebrities. It’s almost like they’re itching for a spat online because that’s what famous people do as a hobby or something.

Just keep it under 280 characters, mmmkay?

To recount every single celebrity Twitter beef would take until the end of human civilisation so we’ve round up the most iconic.

From dumb comments and misunderstandings to petty attempts at getting one up over someone, best settle down with some biscuits because tea will be spilled all over the place.

Katy Perry and Taylor Swift

Hoo boy, this has been a rollercoaster that’s been going on for 10 years and originally started on Twitter before erupting all over the place. First they were all gushy with each other back in 2009, tweeting mushy stuff back and forth to one another.

But then things took a turn when Katy apparently poached a few back up dancers from TayTay for her one of her world tours and things quickly descended into swipes in the press, subtle digs in their songs, cryptic tweets, and even some unsubtle shading during carpool karaoke with James Corden.

However, it seems like the decade-long feud is over after Katy shared a photo with the words “peace at last”, but who knows what’ll happen at this point.

Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian

This whole saga began when Kanye West – who has quite the history with TayTay – released a then-new song, ‘Famous’, that had misogynistic seemingly aimed at Swift.

Kanye claims he got permission from Taylor but she quickly denied it and issued out a statement reiterating that. But in a final twist, Kim then called out TayTay by releasing a secret phone recording of the singer apparently approving the lyrics for Kanye’s song, which resulted in the viral hashtag, #KimExposedTaylorParty.

Can’t imagine what she’s getting at here.

Piers Morgan and Liam Payne

Talk about a strange feud that started over the most random topic.

Morgan got his knickers in a twist when Kylie Jenner was named Forbes’ youngest self-made billionaire and took to Twitter to express his, uh, displeasure.

Then out of nowhere came Liam Payne, who vehemently defended Kylie, and next thing you know we got a beef between a middle-aged alien masquerading as a human and a former One Direction member.

Shane Dawson and Logan Paul

Both are obnoxious YouTubers who command some of the biggest followings on the internet, so a beef was inevitable.

Renowned “doco” maker and cat lover Shane Dawson kicked up some huge buzz when he released a video series that dove deep into what it’s like to be Jake Paul (aka, another obnoxious YouTuber) and implying that he and his even more obnoxious brother, Logan, were sociopaths.

Logan wasn’t too pleased about this and called Shane out on it with a vlog, to which Shane responded with a tweet saying: “It was a joke haha i’m team anyone who understands a joke. and i think he did. but it’s better if he acted like he didn’t. but that’s just my hummmmmble opinion allegedly *rich voice*.”

Was this beef stupid? Yes. Should we have paid it any attention? Not really but we did anyway because that’s the Internet for ya.

Disappointed…

Azealia Banks and a bunch of people

Getting into spats seems to be the big thing Azealia Banks does these days and she’s racked up quite a list of them in a very short amount of time.

There was that feud with Lana Del Rey, which involved Banks getting upset over Lana’s criticism over Kanye West before descending into a Twitter back and forth equivalent of “You wanna fight? Alright, let’s fight! Go on, take the first shot!”

Then there was that weird spat Banks tried to start with Lady Gaga, which was something over Gaga allegedly stealing the title “Red Flame” from her. Gaga being Gaga, she took the high road and just didn’t respond, which was the best move ever.

I’d get into her beefs with the likes of Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, and Iggy Azelea but then we’d be here all week.


Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson

This one went from dream couple to bitter exes in record time.

After they broke up following a whirlwind engagement, Pete threw shade at Ari on SNL by lampooning their shortlived relationship. The singer wasn’t having any of it and responded by dragging Pete on Twitter in absolutely brutal fashion.

But after time passed, the former couple settled their differences (as far as we can see), so much so that Ari even threw in a shout out to Pete’s huge, uh, package, in her ‘Thank U, Next’ music video.

Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato

People grow apart over time, it’s just a sad thing that happens. But whereas most would keep that to themselves, Demi decided to spill the tea all over Twitter.

After 10 or so years of being BFFs with Selena, Demi unfollowed her on Twitter all of a sudden before throwing fuel on the flame by tweeting out a meme saying “Swimming away from your bull****.”

As for why she did what she did, Demi only said that they had grown apart because “people change”. Surely there could’ve been a better way to handle it but hey, whatever works I suppose.

Roald Dahl Might've Been The Author Of Your Childhood But He Was A Twit In Real Life

A real life Trunchbull.

Roald Dahl is a name that nearly everyone should know. After all, he “only” wrote some of the most memorable children’s books ever and was basically the author of the entire childhoods of you and millions of people around the world.

But for those who idolised the late Dahl (and still do) due to his work or whatever reason, he’s an example of why you need to pick your heroes carefully. That’s because the man was an outright awful human being who was a fierce antisemite.

Wait, what?

During the 1980’s, Dahl said some truly abhorrent things in interviews and articles about the Jews, such as “There is a trait in the Jewish character that does provoke animosity, maybe it’s a kind of lack of generosity towards non-Jews. I mean there is always a reason why anti-anything crops up anywhere; even a stinker like Hitler didn’t just pick on them for no reason.

Hell, just before he died in 1990, he said in an interview, “I am certainly anti-Israel, and I have become antisemitic.” Yeah. There’s absolutely no defending that.

And it’s not something that you can blame on him being an offensive old grandpa either (he was in his 60’s when he said the aforementioned quote) as his early work is sprinkled with antisemitic hints.

In his 1945 short story, Madame Rosette, he described the title character as “a filthy old Syrian Jewess”; his 1948 novel, Sometime Never, had a cowardly pawnbroker who encompassed several Jewish stereotypes; and for his Chitty Chitty Bang Bang screenplay he created the Child Catcher character, who was basically a Jew with Nazi tendencies.

Yep, can’t unsee this now.

It’s perhaps no surprise that Dahl was able to entertain children with his work as no “nice” author could possible infuse such dark and unsentimental themes into their work like he did. In the words of the late Christopher Hitchens, “How else could Dahl have kept children enthralled and agreeably disgusted and pleasurably afraid? By being Enid Blyton?“.

And it’s not like the world isn’t aware of Dahl’s antisemitism either as the UK Royal Mint rejected a commemorative coin of the author in 2018 because of his views.

If there is a silver lining to all of this, it’s that his children’s books are relatively free from his more horrid views and young readers will continue to be delighted without being tainted for generations to come.

He actually did in this case.

So the next time you read one of his stories or watch an adaptation of his work, just remember that Roald Dahl was a great writer but an utter bastard in real life and people need to be very careful how they memoralise him.

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