Bleats

Here’s Why GIFs Vanished From Insta and Snapchat Over The Weekend (Spoiler: Racists Ruin Everything)

Just fantastic work, everyone. Really top-notch.

A little while back users of Instagram and the pre-redesign loyalists of Snapchat were blessed with the ability to use GIFs as stickers on their stories and Snaps.

It was a golden time, full of Web 1.0 sparkles and pixelated puppies and spinning rave skulls.

 

Most of it seemed to look like this and that was just *kisses fingers like a chef*.

So of course, some racist s**tbird had to go and ruin it for everyone.

The best feature on both apps was pulled by their respective parent companies over the weekend, after LA resident Lyuana Augmon posted this GIF on her Insta and Twitter, @-ing the official Instagram account and co-founder Kevin Systrom’s personal account on both platforms, on Wednesday.

Her Twitter account is protected now, because trolls, but here’s the screenshot to ruin your day.

In case it’s not clear: that’s a chimp (?) turning a counter that’s tallying the number of “n***** crime deaths” (??) with a white guy with a microphone (???) yelling “Keep Cranking, Bonzo, the Numbers Just Keep on Climbing!” (????).

Yeah, it’s not great on any level, from the conceptual (is this some kind of game show?) to the grammatical to… literally everything else about it.

Anyone can upload a GIF to Giphy, so there could well be worse ones somewhere in there – but if you input slurs like the one in that gif or other potentially nasty keywords like “kkk” as a search term, you’ll get no results. If you search for “nazi” you won’t even get so much as a GIF from The Blues Brothers or Indiana Jones.

Not from Giphy.

And if there’s ever been a time when we’ve needed freely available GIFs of really stupid Nazis getting dunked on by beloved musicians, comedians and university professors, it’s now.

Giphy also allows users to flag and report GIFs that violate their community guidelines – but there isn’t (well, wasn’t) this option within the Giphy interface for Insta and Snap, leaving Augmon to screenshot and tweet about it.

But given that Augmon even provided the search term under which she found the gif, it should have been easy enough for the Giphy team to sift through the “crime” tag and delete this trash.

THIS COULD BE U, GIPHY

It’s hard to see why removing GIFs from both apps entirely was the solution, – unless they’re rapidly implementing some kind of reporting feature, because social media companies loooooove making their users work for free to keep hate off the TL.

And the move meant Augmon herself has copped some heat for their decision (to the point where her account is now locked). After all, online idiots love to troll the messenger.

But let’s all remember who’s really to blame: it’s the racists. Someone thought of that unbelievably ugly GIF, spent their time making it, and uploaded it to Giphy, because they thought it was funny or to offend people or both.

So cheers, unknown racist. Robbing us of our glitchy low-res Word Art and glitter cat-face GIFs is no doubt near the bottom of the list of unforgivable things you’ve done online, but at least the three full days you probably spent making it was time away from forwarding anti-Obama chain emails formatted in lime green Comic Sans to your long-suffering family.

I’m Begging You Not To Read That Story By The Woman Who Took Meth And Pulled Out Her Own Eyes

I know there's a tiny part of you that wants to. Stuff a sock in its mouth and go about your day.

Look, everyone loves a good true-life horror story. There’s a reason why advice columns do great traffic, why /r/relationships is one of the most compelling trainwrecks on the internet, and why you secretly itch to pick up That’s Life at the supermarket and read “Catfished for my kidneys…by my DAUGHTER!!!”.

And last month you may have read about Kaylee Muthart, the 20-year-old South Carolina woman who took a whole lot of meth and pulled her own eyes out. Literally removed her eyeballs from her eye sockets with her hands.

You can stop reading now. Honestly. We won’t mind.

You might have seen just a headline and thought, “Yep, that’s in my brain now.  Cool. Don’t need to read the story.” But maybe you’re like me, and winced, but clicked through and read the full story. A lot of people did.

Enough people that Cosmopolitan in the US thought it would be a good idea to publish a first-person account of what it’s like to take a bunch of meth and pull your eyeballs out of your skull.

Clearly they were right, because nearly 60,000 people have shared it, meaning many more than that have read it. And I was one of them.

Go play outside. Seriously.

I saw several tweets warning me not to, but I did it anyway, because I have a strong stomach. I cackle at movie gore. I click on those blurred-out internet pics that say “GRAPHIC IMAGES”. I once held my breakfast down when I was confronted with life-size posters of Kyle Sandilands at the train station when I had a sangria-and-rum hangover.

But it’s been two days since I caved and read this thing, and I can’t shake it.

I promise you this: you do not need to read this story. You do not need to climb inside the horror of this experience. You do not need to know what it feels like to be on a lot of meth and convinced that you must pull your own eyeballs out of your head or everyone you know will die.

The only exception to this that I can think of is if you have ever, even once, been tempted to do meth. If you have ever, even for a split second, thought “Hey, smoking meth must be at least OK, or people wouldn’t do it! Maybe just once, for the bucket list!” then go right ahead and read this thing.

Read about Muthart’s experience. Read her description of what people tell her her eye sockets look like. Read the part where she says she’s happier now because she’d rather be blind than dependent on meth.

But if you’re already well and truly on the No Meth Ever train, then give it a miss. I’m begging you.

If you or a loved one have a problem with methamphetamine, AKA ice, see http://www.understandice.org.au/get-help/ for support and info, or call the 24/7 National Alcohol and Other Drug Helpline on 1800 250 015.

There Was A 94% Post-Oscars Spike In Searches For Kumail Nanjiani On Pornhub, Probably Because He's Hot

Have you SEEN this man wear a suit?

Pornhub, bless their horny hearts, regularly release a lot of information about what people are searching for.

These data drops give us wonderful insights into what makes people think “Hmmm, I sure could go for some masturbation right now!” and head to the internet’s biggest name in smut.

For example, after the Oscars, lots of people – 1229% more than on an average day – just went to Pornhub and typed in “oscars”. Other spikes included “ladybird”, “the shape of water”, “call me by your name”, and, uh, “beauty and the beast”.

Oddly heartening to see Jodie Foster in there.

And out of all the celebrity names on there, Kumail Nanjiani’s kind of stands out as the only guy.

Now, much of this list could be attributed to the fact that pirated rips of popular non-porn movies pop up on Pornhub all the time – they tend to get taken down fairly quickly, just not as quickly as, say YouTube.

So savvy streamers have been know to visit the site for an illegal slice of legitimate cinema every now and then – including, to Nanjiani’s delight, The Big Sick (in which he starred, and for which he and his wife Emily V Gordon were nominated for Best Original Screenplay).

But we like to think that it’s just because people are finally noticing that Nanjiani – best known as Dinesh on HBO’s Silicon Valley – is a massive babe, and they were hoping to see him shirtless or something.

With brows like that, who cares if he’s funny?

A funny, smart, Oscar-nominated writer and comedian with a glorious head of hair and arguably the best suit game in Hollywood right now?

You can’t fight that.

He may not be on Pornhub, but you can still (legally) check out Nanjiani’s work on The Big Sick, where his combination of cheeky comedian charm and heartbreaking sweetness is more than enough to win you over – if you’re not already on board.

HE IS A DELIGHT.

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