North Korea's Secret 'Christmas Gift' For The US Sounds Ominous AF

It's probably not going to be socks.

There are people who are really good at giving Christmas presents, and then there are people who are just really bad at it. I’ve never personally received a gift from North Korea, but I’m going to take a crack at guessing and put them in the pile of people you never want to get a gift from. Unfortunately for Donald Trump, he’s found himself on their Christmas list.

Remember the meetings Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump have had to talk about not blowing the world up? Yeah good times. There was meant to be another one before the end of the year, but we’re in to December and we still don’t have any movement on that particular front.

The North Korean deputy foreign minister, Ri Thae Song, has put out a statement accusing the USA of dragging talks out to “use it in favour of the political situation and election in the U.S.” which may not be an entirely whack theory tbh. I mean, we’ve heard way worse.

Where shit gets scary is the next part of the statement. 

“Drawing nearer is the year-end time limit the DPRK [North Korea] set for the U.S.”

“What is left to be done now is the U.S. option and it is entirely up to the U.S. what Christmas gift it will select to get.”

Oh no

I know what you’re thinking, because it’s what basically everyone is thinking: nukes. And you would probably be right. North Korea have referred to their missiles as “gifts” before, particularly 4th of July gifts destined for America. So that’s great.

Although to be fair, this statement was made on the same day that a bunch of new pictures of Kim Jong Un riding horses majestically through the snow were released, so maybe it’s a cute signed photo? Maybe?

These holidays, if you’re disappointed with the new socks your mum got you, take heart. It could be worse: you could be getting an entire goddamn nuke from North Korea for Christmas.

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For The Love Of Everything, Don’t Send Convicted Paedophiles Christmas Cards

Christmas cheer is for people who don't abuse kids.

Only a day after former Prime Minister Tony Abbott was seen leaving Melbourne Assessment Prison where convicted paedophile George Pell is currently locked up, we’re having to tell people not to send Pell Christmas cards. Yup, apparently it’s something that needs to be said, seasons greetings probably shouldn’t be extended to people who have abused kids.

You’re not saying anything, Tony…

Deacon Nick Donnelly is a British author whose Twitter account is called @ProtecttheFaith and has a cover image of George Pell with the word ‘Martyr’ written across it, so that tells you everything you need to know about him.

He tweeted out the address to the prison yesterday with the request that everyone send Pell Christmas cards to show their support and spread some holiday cheer.

He did make a point to tell everybody that you can’t address the envelope to Cardinal Pell though, or it won’t get through to him. 

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I did have to wonder if ‘Convicted Paedophile George Pell’ would get through? People in the comments section were suggesting ‘Rockspider Pell’, ‘Pedo Pell’, and ‘devil worshipping child abuser’, all of which I would love to know if the jail would send through.


Clare Leaney is the Chief Executive Officer of Good Faith Foundation, a support group for victims. She said in an interview that the holidays are particularly hard for survivors.

“For a lot of survivors of abuse, there is no holiday period. That’s been taken away from them.”

“These are people that have lost their faith and their connection to the church and I think the festive season reinforces the isolation some people can have.”

Ultimately we should be thinking of the victims in all of this. They’re the ones living with a horrific situation that most of us can’t begin to imagine, and they’re the ones who deserve Christmas cards and public support – despite what Deacons and former Prime Ministers seem to think.

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with mental health issues, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.

Melania Trump Clearly Hasn’t Learned From Last Year's Blood Christmas Trees

Another year, another grim tree.

It’s the most magical time of the year! Christmas time means tons of food, all those relatives you (may or may not) want to see, and Melania Trump’s joyless Christmas decorations.

Yep, for the third year in a row, Melania has been given the task of decorating the White House for the silly season. In 2017, she went with bare white branches that would have been fabulous Halloween decorations if they were put up a couple of months earlier. Last year, she tried again and landed on some blood red trees that made the white house look like a straight up horror movie.

Third time’s the charm, right? This year Melania has gone all out on the patriotism theme, calling the decorations “The Spirit of America.”

The trees aren’t covered in blood at the very least, so I’ll admit it’s a minor improvement, but come on. The official photos look like horror movie stills.

We even have a fun corridor full of glass shards that look like they could fall down and slice a limb off at any given second. Because nothing says joy and warmth like sharp glass.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images

In Melania’s defence – and that is not a phrase I say often – I’m not sure who actually put her in charge of the decorating to begin with. It seems to be a job given to the First Lady no matter who it is, their lack of interior decoration knowledge be damned. 

If I was put in charge of decorating the entire White House purely because I was married to a guy who wound up president, I can guarantee that I’d probably shit it and just cover the place in flashing fairy lights. I’d probably accidentally give some poor person a seizure. 

This would be me

So while Melania’s taste in decorations continue to be horrible, maybe we shouldn’t be judging her on them. We can sure as hell judge her for her all the other awful stuff she does though, like wear jackets letting us know that she doesn’t actually care about anything.

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