Bleats

Heaps Of SNES Classic Games, Including Zelda: A Link To The Past and Super Mario Kart, Might Be Coming To Nintendo Switch Online

*Hums Final Fantasy theme*

If you’ve been eyeing off the SNES Classic, especially now that you can get your hands on one without a Thunderdome-style battle in the middle of JB Hi-Fi, you might want to hold off a tiny bit longer – it looks an awful like they’re coming to Switch Online.

As initially reported by Gizmodo, gamer and modder KapuccinoHeck spotted that the latest update to NES Online features the following list of titles in the code:

Super Mario Kart
Super Soccer
Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past
Demon’s Crest
Yoshi’s Island
Stunt Race FX
Kirby’s Dream Course
Pop’n Twinbee
Star Fox
Contra 3
Kirby Super Star
Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts
Kirby’s Dream Land 3
Super Metroid
Super Mario World
Pilotwings
F-ZERO
Star Fox 2
Super Punch-Out!!
The Legend of the Mystical Ninja
Super Mario All-Stars
Breath of Fire 2

If that list looks familiar, it’s because a lot of those titles are among the ones included with the SNES Classic.

Obviously nothing’s official or announced yet – but Nintendo is clearly setting the stage for more games (and console emulator functionality) on the Online platform.

So if you’ve got a Switch but you’ve been umming and aahhh-ing over the mini SNES, thinking longingly of diving back into The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past in all its pixelly glory, it might be worth holding onto your dollars a little longer. Just to see what happens.

Clive Palmer Just Launched His First Mobile Game, In Case You Were Worried This Election Isn't Going To Be Any Fun

Welcome to election season.

In case you were worried that this year’s federal election was going to be a bit light on for wild s**t, Clive Palmer’s just released a mobile game.

Clive Palmer: Humble Meme Merchant launched on the App Store over the weekend, complete with an AEC campaign-message approval notice on the launch screen to ensure you take it seriously.

Yes, that’s the Titanic 2.

It’s a very basic side-scrolling 2D platformer, somewhere between Super Mario and the dinosaur game that appears when Chrome’s offline.

You control a little blue-suited Cliev, who scampers at a single speed across the screen, and avoid enemies and obstacles in your quest to collect biscuits and… I dunno, merch memes?

The main fun is spotting Palmer’s political antagonists. The goomba of this world is Bill Shorten’s head on a cockroach’s body – ouch. (No appearances in the first level from Scott Morrison – perhaps the developers were concerned we might have a different PM before the game was released?) Ray Hadley scampers around with his headphones on too.

There are those famous vague yellow billboards, “PozzFeed” pages floating around, and the sun appears in the form of the Dog That’s On The Grog, Teletubbies-style.

And if you leave the sound on, you can hear not the 8-bit grunts of a humble meme merchant chasing biscuits, but the full version of “Palmer’s Worth A Billion” – the ‘Karma Chameleon’-based parody song from his 2014 campaign that mysteriously can’t be found on the internet anywhere.

(Given that Clive is all over how copyright works, I’m sure he got that cleared with Boy George before using it.)

It was developed by one Tom West for Emu War Games, whose coat-of-arms-like logo includes the words “omnia nobis circa pecunias” – or, roughly translated, “cash rules everything around me”. So perhaps they’re not purely involved because they believe in Palmer’s ideological mission.

So how is it, as a game?

Bloody hard, actually.

Your humble correspondent hasn’t made it out of Townsville yet, maxing out at a high score of 27 biscuits. It’s the first of ten levels, including all the state and territory capitals as well as “Rural Australia”.

The physics are a bit imprecise, so you don’t have a lot of leeway if you hit an enemy a teeny bit too far to either side; and there are no lives or save points so far – so if you die at any point during the level, it’s back to the beginning for you.

Between the tricky gameplay and the prospect of being stuck eternally in Townsville like a subtropical Sisyphus, Humble Meme Merchant might be the hardest, scariest game since Dark Souls II.

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