Bleats

The Inspirational Final Meme Of 2018 Is The Energy We're Taking Into 2019

New Year's resolutions are so 2017.

New Year’s resolutions actually suck. They’re just a big aspirational guilt-stick you’ll beat yourself up with from the moment you go to bed on January 2nd not having exercised or read a book or whatever.

But New Year’s really is a great time to try and inject some positivity and hope into your worldview. The ticking-over might be arbitrary in the grand scheme of things, but it can feel symbolic and meaningful, and it’s as good a time as any to declare a fresh start, a new leaf, a clean slate.

2018 was a screeching medical-waste dumpster fire in so many ways for so many people, so it’s no wonder people have been looking forward to 2019 for quite a while. Specifically, people are finding inspiration in small moments, and declaring: this is the energy I’m taking into 2019.

The Energy You Are Taking Into 2019 can be anything. It’s the vibe of the thing. It can be specifically about your love life, or your work life, or just an ineffable aura you would like to carry with you. It can represent confidence, determination, self-love, self-care, or just taking no s**t.

It can be the lessons learned from this grandma:

The effort JoJo went to in order to flip off her old record label:

 

Embracing the contradictions of your aspirational self and your true self:

 

Demanding more from your crushes:

 

Extremely bisexual energy:

https://80slesbiab.tumblr.com/post/181292671832/tessa-thompson-flirting-with-dame-emma-thompson-is

Katherine McPhee’s chihuahua:

 

Whatever this is, it’s good energy:

 

Precision Insta-curving your f**cboi ex:

 

Dad levels of confidence:

 

Self-caring this hard:

 

Not letting anyone else define you:

 

Unless they’re right about you:

Suits: (that’s it that’s the energy)

This accurate review of Aquaman:

 

This accurate cosplay of Aquaman:

 

Self love means never having to say you’re sorry:

 

 

And everything Ariana Grande taught us about love, patience, pain and bangers:

Whatever you choose to take into the New Year, whether it’s aspirational or realistic, you can tell yourself that everything you do is That Energy, because who can argue? You can’t break an energy.

Happy New Year.

2018’s Big Breakups May Have Destroyed Our Faith In Love - Again - But We Learned Some Valuable Lessons

From baby names (bad!) to BDE (good!).

From Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan (RIP, teenage you) to the emotional whiplash that was Pete and Ariana, 2018 brought love, patience and pain to those of us who project our own fantasies and hopes onto the relationships of famous people we do not know.

We may not have learned to, y’know, not do that any more, because we will never learn that. I refuse to.

But we did gather some other valuable wisdom to take with us on our path towards true love, or at least a big fat ring, two kids with dumb names and eventual matching Instagram breakup posts about respecting each other’s journeys.

 

Don’t call your son Bear

Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne called their son Bear, and Alicia Silverstone and her now ex-husband also called their son Bear. Both couples split this year.

Coincidence? Or did they sit up at night, staring at their sleeping partners, realising that’s a ridiculous thing to actually legally name your infant child, and wondering what else they might have been wrong about?

We may never know. But is it worth the risk?

 

Keep the number of matching tattoos to one or two, maybe…

Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande got at least eight tattoos for and about each other in the four months or so they were together, and they’re already having to cover them up. My poor heart may never recover from that rollercoaster ride.

 

…but hey, everything is a lesson

“Sry I dipped.”

We may never know if Pete was the one who taught Ariana patience, love or pain, but she seems to have emerged into a new creative peak period.

And he’s clearly been having a rough time since the breakup, but at least now everyone knows he has a HUUUUUUUGE penis – can’t hurt his options, right?

 

Some things really are too beautiful to last

Jenny Slate is obviously gorgeous and talented, but she’s still not necessarily the exact person you’d picture to end up dating Captain America. As the equal second-best of the Hollywood Chrises*, the fact that Evans’ taste in women runs to smart, slightly goofy indie actresses instead of, like, exclusively Victoria’s Secret models gave us a little hope that it might also run to, say, pale and perpetually tired-looking brunettes who write snarky things about pop culture for a living and eat noodles in bed. Just for example.

Unfortunately, they did not get married and stay happy together forever, therefore we’re all dying alone without getting to wake up next to Steve Rogers even once.

*For reference: 1: Pine, 2: Evans/Hemsworth, 4: Pratt. No correspondence will be entered into.

 

Airing your dirty laundry in public works… kinda

Cardi B and Offset do not have a reality show of their own (yet) but they might as well at this point. Whether it’s Cardi slurping coffee as she talks about how much she misses that “heavy” D “destroying” her, Offset interrupting her at work with embarrassing flower displays, or the two of them jet-skiing in Puerto Rico in an apparent reunion… only for Cardi to inform everyone that no, she just wanted that D, was she not clear about that?

So let that be your final lesson of 2018: the ultimate Big Dick Energy is being honest about what you want, whether it’s love and commitment, or just a BD.

Let that be the E you take into 2019.

To Get Through The Awkward Conversations At Your Family Christmas, Practice Saying No Thank You And None Of Your Business

Try this one weird trick!

Christmas takes a lot out of you. From the shopping and the planning to the travelling and the drinking, it’s all pretty exhausting – and that’s before you end up trapped in a house with the people who shaped the majority of the hangups that plague you in adulthood, some of whom are going to ask you a lot of questions about your life choices.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

It can be hard to deal with rude or nosy people effectively because you don’t want to cause drama – and if it’s someone who’s older than you you might still feel like you need to be deferential, even though you don’t sit on the kids’ table any more.

But here are two things to remember: number one, you are a person, and your business is your business.

And number two: “No” is a complete sentence.

If you’re trying to drink less or not eating meat, and someone’s trying to hand you an extra glass of wine or a turkey leg, just say “No, thank you.” If they hit you back with a jolly “Oh, why not?” or call you a spoilsport or a scrooge or something, repeat “No, I’m good, thanks” with your blankest, politest smile.

I can’t stress this enough: it’s not rude to say “No, thank you”, or to decline to elaborate on your reasons for saying it.

If someone is interrogating you about why you’re still single at the ripe old age of 27, why you’re not eating meat, why you’re still with That Dickhead, why you broke up with That Nice Boy, why you posted about Trans Day Of Remembrance and what that is exactly, why you chose your current career over [insert lucrative but exhausting or largely evil industry that made someone’s son rich enough to buy a house at 22], why you’ve never had a boy/girlfriend (with the insinuation being that they suspect you’re gay, which is enough to deal with without trying to explain to Aunt Kerry what asexuality is), why you went to your partner’s for Christmas Day and you’re only with your OWN family for Boxing Day (“I mean, it could be Pop’s last year”)…

The temptation can be strong to mutter something awkward, or to snap back and ask them about whether they think they’re mostly to blame for their recent divorce, Murray.

But if they go low, you go high. Just say brightly and politely: “I don’t really feel like talking about that today, thanks!” or “Wow, that’s a bit of a rude question, isn’t it?” Get specific if you have to: “My relationship with my ex/my work/my body is really only my business, so let’s talk about something else!” Then ask what they’re looking forward to next year, or what they’re up to on NYE.

Most people will be so surprised by being called out that they’ll welcome the change of subject.

If they persist, you can just nod and say, “I think I’ll get a refill, do you need another one?” and head over to the esky, or turn to the person on your other side at the table and ask them to pass the gravy.

If it makes you nervous to straight-up shut someone down, you don’t have to come right out with it. Just immediately divert the conversation to your niece’s newly lost tooth, or a present you saw them getting from someone else.

And if they’re somehow immune to repeated, explicit feedback that they’re being rude – as drunk people and baby boomers often are – politely excuse yourself and find a job to do.

Go and see if someone needs help peeling potatoes or prawns, entertaining a sugar-buzzed seven-year-old, or just cleaning something. Gather the discarded wrapping paper for recycling.

Grab two glasses of bubbles or a sneaky plate of rum balls or shortbread, and go hide in the kitchen or by the BBQ with your favourite family gossip – or get very busy polishing silverware in a quiet corner with your favourite podcast. 

Because along with rude old people, one of the other constants of Christmas is that there’ll be at least one kitchen martyr who’s doing way more than their share of the work while everyone else is off asking awkward questions.

#Trending

Show More Show Less

Follow Us