Bleats

A Christmas Prince 3 Is Really Happening, And Yes, The Plot Is Exactly What You Think It Is

First comes love, then comes marriage, then...

The best thing about Christmas used to be presents, time off work, seeing family, eating yourself into a coma.

That was before.

Now, the best thing about Christmas is Netflix’s endless stream of festive-themed budget romcoms.

And the best of these – fight me, Princess Switch fans – is the A Christmas Prince series, which has gone from a cult hit to a full-blown franchise.

 

The story of Amber, the quintessential Romcom Journalist who gets assigned to profile the prince of a tiny European country and (MASSIVE SPOILER, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED, DON’T READ ON IF YOU’VE LITERALLY NEVER SEEN ANY ROMCOM EVER) falls in love with him, is the kind of formulaic brain-Cheezel fodder that may actually have been written by accident in one of those million-typing-monkeys situations.

It’s Peak Trash, and it’s incredible. (And star Rose McIver, a totally chill Kiwi, knows it.)

Anyway, it got a sequel in time for Christmas last year, where Amber and Prince Whoever Von WhereAreHis-ActualEyebrows got married even though it meant Amber would have to give up her blog – coincidentally, just a few months after Meghan Markle and Prince Harry got married IRL and Meghan had to give up her blog.

And now Netflix has just announced that A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby is coming in, oh, maybe eight and a half months or so?

Now, this might seem a little premature, but in a shocking coincidence, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have an actual royal baby due next month.

So weird, right?

Also weird: the baby is wearing a crown in this ultrasound? Is it actually growing a crown inside Amber’s uterus? Is the crown made of its bones? Is this series going to take a turn into full-on Twilight: Breaking Dawn level childbirth-themed body horror?

We’ll bring you all the news on the most anticipated royal baby of 2019 – the fictional heir to Aldovia – as details come to hand throughout the year.

Because like Amber, we are Extremely Good And Dedicated Journalists.

Jonathan Van Ness From Queer Eye Is Going Solo In The Netflix Ice-Skating Drama He Truly Deserves

Ice, queen.

From the very first episode of Netflix’s Queer Eye reboot last year, one of the Fab Five stood out.

Sure, Antoni has those bedroom eyes, and Bobby does all the actual work – but Jonathan Van Ness’ incredibly extra energy and GIF-able positivity was the most instantly iconic.

Can you believe this was from the first episode?

Now, the Gay of Thrones host, former political science major and king of unconditional self-love finally has his own show.

“She is euphoric to announce she has joined the cast of @spinningoutnetflix,” Van Ness posted on Instagram, tagging the account for Netflix’s upcoming ice-skating drama Spinning Out.

The caption accompanied the adorable latest installment in #jvnskates, his series of deeply inspirational videos where he learns to ice skate and serve totes ferosh spin realness.

I mean, technically it actually stars Kaya Scodelario (AKA Effie from Skins) as a skater who reluctantly pairs up with the bad boy of ice skating to try and save her career.

Jonathan will play Bruce, “a former skater turned big-time choreographer from Michigan”.

And yes, technically it’s a guest role, but that doesn’t mean it’s not his show.

After all, we all know JVN is a chronic scene-stealer – and no doubt Bruce will be good for so, so many iconic GIFs.

Which is, of course, how you measure who the real star of a show is.

Pete Davidson And Ramsay Bolton Are Dirty Rockstars In The Trailer For Netflix’s Motley Crue Movie

Well, Pete's actually adorable.

Limber up whatever muscles you use for air-guitaring, bust out the meaningless umlauts and set a reminder in your phone that you can’t actually pull off a mullet – because next month you’re going to be listening to a lot more 80s rock.

The long-awaited movie adaptation of The Dirt, Mötley Crüe’s wildly successful collective memoir, is coming to Netflix on March 22.

As you can see, it stars Machine Gun Kelly as Tommy Lee, Iwan Rheon AKA Game Of Thrones‘ Ramsay Bolton AKA Ramsay Snow as guitarist Mick Mars, and Aussie Daniel Wilson, who’s also been in The Punisher, as frontman Vince Neil.

It also has a brief flash of our favourite hypebeast ratbag Pete Davidson as a record executive with long hair and a slightly-too-wholesome energy – but we’re guessing that doesn’t last long.

The Dirt was a massive success because it’s full of, well, dirt – a warts-and-all, fly-on-the-wall, warts-on-flies-on-walls account of what it was like to be in one of the biggest bands on the planet during a period when that meant sprinkling cocaine on your cereal (probably).

From celebrity divorces to vehicular manslaughter and hurling things out of hotel windows, it should be everything you want in a rock biopic.

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