Bleats

Oasis: An Exhaustive History Of Liam And Noel Gallagher Hurling Insults At Each Other

Let there be love. Not.

2019 is quite the big year if you’re an Oasis fan. Not only is it the 25th anniversary of the release of their seminal debut album, Definitely Maybe, it also happens to be the 10th anniversary of the band’s disbandment after Liam Gallagher and Noel Gallagher had one final, deal-breaking spat.

So what better way to celebrate one of the greatest Britpop albums of all time and the end of one of the most popular bands ever by going through the long history of Liam and Noel’s spats?

Since the brothers have had more spats than a cowboy saloon spittoon, we’ve sorted out their insult-throwing history by year starting with 1994. This is not a definitive timeline by any means but it is an definitely exhausting one. Well, maybe.

One of the rare, rare moments when they could stand to be next to each other.

Pre 1994

You don’t have a mad-on for your brother that’s lasted for four decades (and counting) if it didn’t begin with something big. Based on what we learned in the Oasis documentary, Supersonic, Liam kinda started the whole thing off.

“One night I come in pissed and I couldn’t find the light switch so I pissed all over his new stereo. I think it basically boils down to that.”

Yeah, pissing on your brother’s stereo when you were both poor teenagers is going to have a lasting effect.

1994

During an infamously terrible concert while on tour following the release of Definitely Maybe, Liam decided to change the lyrics of ‘Live Forever’ to “Maybe I don’t really wanna know/Why you pick your nose” just to annoy his brother.

Oh and he smacked Noel over the head with a tambourine before insulting the crowd so there’s that as well. No wonder why Noel quit Oasis (temporarily) after the gig.

But all that pales in comparison to the now-iconic NME interview the pair did where they basically spent the entire time arguing and telling each other to “f**k off.”

1995

Noel was in the studio recording the follow up to Definitely Maybe, (What’s The Story) Morning Glory?, only for Liam to crash the sessions with a large group of people he’d just met at the pub.

Naturally, the sensible thing for Noel to do was *checks notes* smack Liam over the head with a cricket bat. Revenge for the tambourine over the head I suppose but the pair did eventually kiss and make up.

For now anyway.

1996

After Oasis became the biggest band in the world following the release of (What’s The Story) Morning Glory?, the spats started getting worse/pettier due to the success. Not too surprising there, especially with two people as egotistical as Liam Gallagher and Noel Gallagher.

During a recording of MTV Unplugged, Liam pulled out due to a supposed sore throat and Noel was forced to sing. Clearly the sore throat wasn’t too bad or it healed miraculously quickly because he spent the entire taping drinking and heckling Noel.

1997 – 1999

Nothing happened that we know of publicly so I assume they were taking a breather.

That being said, Celebrity Deathmatch did lampoon Liam and Noel’s feuds by making them the subjects of a 1998 episode so that sort of counts.

2000

Things got really personal here and it makes the pissing on the stereo thing seem tiny.

During some downtime in Barcelona, the brothers got into another spat after drinking and Liam questioned the legitimacy of Noel’s child, which resulted in a physical fight.

Noel later said he’s never forgiven Liam for the incident because “he’s never apologised.”

2001

A rare, drama-free year. As far as we know anyway.

2002

Now we know why nothing happened in 2001: They were saving something for 2002.

It began when Liam threw his tambourine (a recurring symbol in this feud) to the ground during a concert in Japan and walked off stage. Noel would later quip that his brother throws “like a woman.”

Late in the year, Liam got into a fight with a police officer, which resulted in facial injuries and the need for dental surgery. Noel’s response to the whole thing? Not bothered would be an understatement: “All I’m bothered about is that he can still sing. My concern is for his voice.”

No love lost there between the pair.

2003 – 2004

Saving themselves for round 4235.

2005

In a rare move, Noel threw the first punches this round when he claimed that is Liam “frightened to death” of him and he can control his younger brother like “a slightly disused arcade game.”

Noel would later provide context for what he meant by that by revealing he used to screw with Liam – who is scared of ghosts – by moving stuff around and making him think spirits did it.

Classic brotherly shenanigans!

2006 – 2008

Nothing major other than Noel calling Liam a “f**king knobhead.” But this was the relative calm before the eventual storm that brought Oasis to an end.

2009

After yet an almighty spat that involved Liam smashing Noel’s guitar, Noel quits Oasis for good, bring the band to an anti-climatic end after 19 long, tumultuous years.

While the band is gone, the feud still kept going.

2010

During the BRIT Awards, Oasis were given an award honouring (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? and Liam was the one who accepted it (Noel wasn’t present). While Liam thanked everyone in the band, he left out Noel, who played a major part in the group’s success.

Probably the least dramatic episode of the “Liam Gallagher vs Noel Gallagher” feud.

2011 – 2015

Twitter was quickly becoming a thing and Liam decided to use it to diss Noel for various things like his debut album (“snore patrol Noel Gallaghers high flying smurfs“) or for no reason at all (“I see Noel Katie Hopkins Gallagher is talking out of his slack arse again go and polish your SAXAPHONE Ha ha“).

Twitter being used to its full capabilities right there, folks.

2016

For some reason, Liam began calling Noel a “potato” and went on to tweet about his older brother being a spud several times over the course of 2016.

Seemingly mellowed out, Noel simply responded to Liam’s insults by saying: “I guess it was about him staying relevant. If you’re him, what else is there to tweet about?”

2017

The funny, low-stakes potato insults quickly gave way to an epic year, most of it instigated by Liam.

After Noel made peace with long-time rival, Damon Albarn, Liam tweeted: “That gobshite out of Blur might have turned Noel Gallagher into a massive girl but believe you me next time I see him there’s gonna be war.”

Then there was the One Love Manchester benefit concert held to raise money for the families affected by the bombing at Ariana Grande’s Manchester concert. Liam performed at the gig and took the time to call Noel a “sad f**k” because he was a no show.

It was later revealed by the One Love organisers that Noel was never going to perform in the first place, not that Liam cares.

Noel later started pushing back, starting with an interview where he called out Liam’s comments about the One Love Manchester concert, saying:

“He needs to see a psychiatrist. I don’t say that as a joke. Because young Mancunians, young music fans, were slaughtered, and he, twice, takes it somewhere to be about him. He needs to see somebody.”

Liam clapped back by starting up the potato jokes again by asking fans attending one of his concerts to bring potato peelers, which many obliged because why the hell not.

But Noel got the final laugh courtesy of a Pitchfork‘s “Over/Under” video, where he called Twitter “the playground of f**king idiots.” When it was pointed out Trump is on it, Noel replied “And so is my f**king brother.”

As a cherry on top, he signed off with “And quite literally, I’d put the pair of ‘em in a driverless car each so it f**kin’ ran into each other.”

Brutal.

2018

After such an incident filled 2017, 2018 was quite calm comparatively as all we got was Noel taking shots at Liam (among other artists) for enlisting an “army of songwriters” for their songs.

Oh, the 2018 Parklife Festival also banned potato peelers and Liam was set to perform there. Make of that what you will.

2019

And finally, we’re in the present and things aren’t cooling down yet.

After Noel entertained the idea of immortalising Oasis with a musical, Liam naturally responded in the only way he knows how: an all out tweetstorm.

Here’s hoping the pair don’t change because this lifelong “Liam Gallagher vs Noel Gallagher” feud they’ve got going is literally giving us all life.

As you were, lads.

The 'Cheerleader Effect' Is Actually Real So Make It Work In Your Favour

It's the foundation of which K-pop is built upon.

Remember that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Barney Stinson goes on about the “cheerleader effect” – i.e the phenomenon where a person appears more attractive when in a group but not as an individual?

It turns out that TV’s greatest womaniser wasn’t talking rubbish because the “cheerleader effect” is a legit scientific thing and you actually do find someone hotter when they’re surrounded by friends compared to when they’re by themselves.

Well this explains why some K-pop groups have so many members. It’s literally the foundation for the entire industry.

Alright, don’t let it get to your head.

The results of multiple studies from 2003, 2015 and 2018 all found that participants rated both males and females as being more attractive in group photos compared to solo photos.

However, it was found that it didn’t matter how big the group was or how “hot” the people were, all that was needed for the “cheerleader effect” to work was just a bunch of friends around someone.

Sure, that’s the reason why.

Now the reason why this is a thing isn’t because someone’s “hotness” rubs off on others when they’re in a group together. Rather, it’s because of how our brains are wired to process information.

We generally don’t process every single detail in our environment. Instead, our brains summarises all this information as a group in order to not overload us with too much visual input.

When it comes to people and the “cheerleader effect,” our brains tend to focus on the whole group rather than the individual. That’s why people in groups appear to be hotter; “unattractive” individual traits are averaged out across the group like maths.

He knows what’s happening.

Since we know that this throwaway How I Met Your Mother gag is a legit thing, how can you swing this phenomenon in your favour?

For dating profiles, be sure to include a clear, labeled group photo of yourself and some mates as this will maximise your hotness while also demonstrating that you’re a social person. Don’t have more than a couple of group shots though as figuring out who you are is too much effort for many and they’ll likely swipe left.

When you’re out and about on the weekend, make sure you drag a few friends along with you to be your wing men/women. They don’t even have to say anything, just make sure they’re standing near you so that the “cheerleader effect” kicks in.

But not too close.

Who would’ve thought that there’s actual science behind this dumb Barney Stinson theory?

Never Forget: When Sacha Baron Cohen Shoved His Butt In Eminem's Face At The 2009 MTV Movie Awards

Better than the infamous MTV VMAs Tay Tay/Kanye moment that year.

It’s been 10 years since the infamous Taylor Swift/Kanye West MTV VMAs moment and the specter of that incident still lingers over the show every year. However, it pales in comparison in terms of sheer hilarity to another MTV moment that happened in the same year: Sacha Baron Cohen shoving his bare arse in an unsuspecting Eminem’s face.

Let’s set the scene. The year was 2009, the MTV Movie Awards were on, and Cohen was about to release a new film about his then-popular fictional character, Brüno.

Let’s be honest, the character of Brüno hasn’t really held up well over the last decade.

Since MTV still held a decent amount of relevance back then, Cohen decided to promote the film by appearing in character at the MTV Movie Awards. But since this is Sacha Baron Cohen we’re talking about, he went all in on it.

Presenting the award for Best Male Performance, Brüno (dressed as an angel and wearing only a jockstrap under the costume) entered the theatre by getting strapped to a bunch of wires and “flown” over the audience.

However, something went wrong with the harness and he ended up landing on top of Eminem with his bare arse right in the rapper’s face. Eminem wasn’t too pleased with some bloke’s buttcheeks pressed up right against him and he left the event in a huff after dropping a few F-bombs.

Now if this whole incident seems a little fishy, that’s because it is. Eminem later revealed that it was entirely staged and the pair (who are actually good friends IRL) practiced the stunt beforehand. The rapper said he went back to his hotel afterwards and proceeded to, ahem, laugh his arse off.

Unsurprisingly, the stunt made headlines for the sheer absurdity of it all but it was quickly overshadowed when the Taylor Swift/Kanye VMAs moment went down. It’s a bit of a shame because Sacha Baron Cohen shoving his jockstrap-wearing butt in Eminem’s face is objectively the funnier moment and deserved more of the spotlight.

For now we’ll just have to live with the thought that in another alternative universe we would’ve had Kanye shoving his bare butt in Tay Tay’s face while Sacha told Eminem “Imma let you finish”, and everyone will end up talking about the “Cohen/Eminem” moment 10 years later while Tay Tay and Kanye were left laughing their arses off in a hotel room at their ridiculous stunt.

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