Eighties hair metal stars and random umlaut enthusiasts Mötley Crüe are the epitome of rock’n’roll decadence, thanks in large part to the gloriously trashy biography The Dirt (written by Neil Strauss, the man who would subsequently ruin dating and hasten the necessity of the #MeToo movement by writing pick-up artist bible The Game).
The Dirt is second only to Anthony Kieidis’ autobiography Scar Tissue as the book owned by dudes that otherwise own zero books and wonderfully confirms that being a rock star is a never ending party of drugs, babes, rock’n’roll and – in the case of guitarist Mick Mars – an increasingly painful spinal condition called ankylosing spondylitis. Yeah! Whooo!
Anyway: the band who reportedly once snorted a line of ants on a dare have now gotten the full biopic treatment with The Dirt on Netflix.
It’s a cartoonishly colourful tale of four plucky young haircuts rising from LA unknowns to rock superstars, followed by the inevitable nightmare descent into booze and drugs, car accidents, porn star-related infidelities and domestic tragedies. And also diseases that fuse your spine together. And ants.
Despite all that drama, it currently boasts a 45 per cent fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes. Then again, it’s not the band were ever exactly critical darlings.
“I’m in a glass case of em… oh, never mind.”
The band retired from live performances in 2015, not least because of Mars’ condition, but anyone inspired to go out there and swig some Jack with an ant chaser might want to check one of their final live performances at that year’s Rock In Rio, at which frontman Vince Neil performed the classic ‘Kickstart My Heart’ as… um, a series of vowel sounds? A tone poem? Having just filled his mouth with bubblegum? Any one of these seem plausible.
In any case, the lesson here is clear: kids, say no to ants. Or, as the song famously goes, “kickstart my heart nya neggle nart”.