Bleats

The Swiss Shut Down A Yodelling Festival With Fighter Jets And If Anything We Feel It Was An Underreaction

"We will fight them in their pavilions, we will fight them in the Spiegeltents…"

Look, all art is subjective and we would never want to criticise someone for enjoying something, even if that something could be accurately described as “sing-yelling, but worse”.

But the news that a Swiss yodelling festival was shut down by military aircraft seems… look, it seems about right to us. Whatever it takes.

“We took the highway to the yodel zone!”

Now, it should be pointed out that it was not deliberate.

There was an aerial display by Patrouille Swiss, the stunt flying team, and was meant to be performed for a celebration at Langenbruck in honour of centenary of the death of pioneering aviator Oskar Bider.

However, the lead pilot saw a tent set up nearby Mümliswil, figured that was the venue, and proceeded to stunt fly the hell out of the skies overhead.

‘What I do is very important!”

Sadly, the yodelling contest did then continue after the mixup, so we assume next time they’ll send in ground forces.

Bider was not available for comment.

You Should Experience Baker Boy Turning Hickory Dickory Dock Into A Goddamn Hip Hop Jam

Mizzle in the hizzle!

Look, we’re the first to admit that Hickory Dickory Dock doesn’t exactly slap. The narrative is weak, the melody simple, and modern audiences are more used to checking time on their phones than via vermin-infested timepieces.

And thus we salute Baker Boy, who took to Playschool for NAIDOC Week and gave a masterclass in nursery rhyme improvement.

From now on all children’s entertainment should feature a dance break and some rhymes in language, thanks.

Hottest 100 voters, take note.

Whatever Happened To The 1980s Movie Tie In Single And Why Isn't Marvel Owning The Charts These Days?

It's like no-one's prepared to take a highway to the danger zone anymore.

Back in the 80s and 90s the release of a hit movie was almost always accompanied by a hit single from the soundtrack.

Sure, pop music was always tied to popular cinema, ever since 1955’s Blackboard Jungle gave teens their first opportunity to rock around whatever clocks were to hand, but the eighties were when it really came together.

I mean, what a playlist it makes: ‘Ghostbusters’. ‘The Heat Is On’. ‘Take My Breath Away’. ‘Footloose’. ‘Flashdance… What A Feeling’. ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’. ‘Danger Zone’. ‘(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life’. ‘Fame’. ‘Eye Of The Tiger’. Goddamn, it’s nothing but gloriously awful bangers.

And that’s before you even take into account the Bond themes that were also smash hits: A-Ha’s ‘The Living Daylights’, Sheena Easton’s ‘For Your Eyes Only’, and Duran Duran’s loads-better-than-the-film ‘A View To A Kill’.

And a lot of huge 90s hits came from the movies too. Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’ was the tie in from The Bodyguard in 1992, and Coolio’s ‘Gangster’s Paradise’ blew up via Dangerous Minds – and that’s before we get to 1998 and ‘My Heart Will Go On’.

This version’s better.

So: what the hell happened? Because that just doesn’t happen nearly as often now. For one thing, every single Marvel film should have been accompanied by a global smash hit single.

And it’s not because of genre: Batman Returns gave Siouxsie & the Banshees the closest thing they ever got to a hit with ‘Face To Face’, and then Batman Forever managed it in 1994 with Seal’s ‘Kiss From A Rose’.

My theory? It’s all Will Smith’s fault.

In 1999 he released ‘Wild Wild West’, the wicky wicky tie in single to the Smith-starring flop of the same name which is notable for being absolutely hated at the time and for in not even developing a significant revisionary cult following since.

That song, which was a hit, I believe severed the previous solid thread connecting hit films and hit singles, and neither industry truly recovered.

Sure, there were a few after that – the all-star Lady Marmalade in 2001 from Moulin Rouge and Pharrell managed it with ‘Happy’ from Despicable Me 2 in 2014, but that just illustrated how unusual it had become. Even the Bond singles stopped being surefire smashes.

And while Smith might have snatched a hit out of a film he starred in, LL Cool J’s ‘Deepest Bluest (My Hat Is Like A Shark’s Fin)’ didn’t quite capture the zeitgeist, even though Deep Blue Sea didn’t flop nearly as badly.

So here’s our throw down for Phase 4, Marvel: start forcing out tie-in singles, ideally with the name of the film in the title.

I for one look forward to ‘Black Widow (Assassin of Murder)’ and ‘Magical Cheekbones (Love Theme From Dr Strange 2)’ topping the global charts.

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