Bleats

Whoever Cast Mark Wahlberg In Tom Holland's 'Uncharted' Film Needs To Be Fired

Clearly the casting director has never played an 'Uncharted' game before.

There was a point in time when Mark Wahlberg was being considered for the role of Nathan Drake in Hollywood‘s big-screen adaptation of Uncharted. Thankfully that never panned out and the filmmakers found a far better option for the role in Tom Holland.

But it seems like forces beyond our control are hellbent on having Mark Wahlberg be part of Uncharted in some capacity, no matter how unsuited he is.

According to Variety, Marky Mark is in “final talks” to play Victor “Sully” Sullivan, Nathan Drake’s mentor in Uncharted. There’s only one reaction to this news: yikes.

Yeah, we’re confused too.

No disrespect to Marky Mark’s acting ability, but whoever thought to cast him as Sully in Uncharted has clearly never played any of the original games that are informing the movie and they deserve to be immediately fired.

For those who are unaware of why this is such a terrible casting choice, Victor Sullivan is a man in his 60’s who is a grey-haired thief with a love of cigars, charisma that could solve world peace, and a well-oiled silver tongue. In other words, the character is everything Mark Wahlberg isn’t.

Even taking into account how this adaptation will focus on a younger Nathan Drake, Marky Mark certainly isn’t the first actor – or even the 10th actor – who comes to mind to play Victor Sullivan of any age.

Just the thought of Tom Holland and him exchanging banter is throwing up some worrying red flags, but what’s done is done and we have to accept it.

Okay, I’m probably being quite pessimistic here. Mark is a good actor and there’s every chance he could surprise us all with his own spin on Sully. He is an Oscar-nominated actor after all so that’s got to count for something.

Fans are going to be watching this like a hawk, which is probably for the best that Uncharted isn’t coming out for at least a few years. That gives Marky Mark plenty of time to get greyer and to grow a great moustache worthy to play Victor Sullivan.

Billie Eilish Broke A Poor Fan's Heart So She Can Help The Less Fortunate

Sympathies to the fan but hopefully they'll understand.

When you finally meet a celebrity or music star you’ve worshipped for ages – let’s say Billie Eilish for the sake of this analogy – you’d want to keep it cool while gushing to her how much you love her. Perhaps you might even have a gift for her and it would mean so much to you if she accepted it.

For Twitter user Donnie_Gloede, this was exactly happened.

He got to meet Billie Eilish after a gig, took a bunch of photos with her, received a big hug, and he even gave her a nice jacket as a gift. Based on their photos, she looked super stoked at getting the the jacket.

Normally that would be the end of that encounter but this story takes a wild turn that would make Hollywood screenwriters green with envy.

A year after Donnie met Billie Eilish, that jacket he gave her mysteriously turned up at a random thrift store in Los Angeles. The jacket’s new owner, Twitter user Arleth, found a note and quickly confirmed that their new thrift store jacket did indeed belong to Billie at one point in time.

Billie hasn’t responded but it’s pretty clear that she donated the jacket at some point after getting it from Donnie.

After Arleth tweeted about their new purchase and subsequently discovery of its history, Donnie responded on Twitter and his tweet is the stuff that’ll break your heart.

In Billie Eilish’s defence, we can’t imagine that she donated the jacket out of spite, ill intent or as a way to hurt poor Donnie. She is one of the most popular pop stars in the world after all and she must get clothing gifts like this all the time, which must take up quite a bit of space in her wardrobe.

There’s only so many jackets one can wear and store in one lifetime, so we should actually give props to Billie for donating her clothes to charity, where less fortunate people would find better use than she will, than simply throwing them out.

Sure it kind of sucks to know that a pop star had donated something you gave them, but Donnie shouldn’t feel too bad because his jacket is helping to keep someone else warm.

If it makes you feel better, Donnie, it’s been over a year from when you gave Billie Eilish the jacket to it turning up at a thrift store in LA so chances are she wore it at least once during that time.

Ricky Gervais Hosting The Golden Globes For A Fifth Time Is A Step Backwards

Please let this genuinely be the "last time."

If the reception of the Golden Globes over the last few years are anything to go by, it seems like fewer people are giving a crap when it comes to celebrities patting themselves on the back under the guise of an awards show. In an attempt to revive interest, Hollywood is using one of its oldest tricks: dusting off something that worked in the past and hoping it’ll work again.

For the 2020 Golden Globes ceremony, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has decided to ask Ricky Gervais to host. Again. For a fifth freaking time. As for why he decided to take the job, he said:

“Once again, they’ve made me an offer I can’t refuse. But this is the very last time I’m doing this, which could make for a fun evening.”

Yes. Fun.

Of all the hosts they could’ve picked – and that includes the option of going hostless – why on earth did Ricky Gervais get the nod (again)? Were Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were too busy or something? Couldn’t they find someone funny and witty who isn’t a white man?

If you track the progression of his hosting efforts from the first time in 2010 to his most recent attempt in 2016, you can clearly see how Ricky gradually goes from witty and edgy to just saying things to push people’s buttons.

No shade on Ricky’s talents but bringing him back to host the Golden Globes again feels like a step backwards. 2016 was a much different time compared to today and it’s hard to see how Ricky Gervais’ brand of “edgy” humour will go down with folks today.

This all feel very similar to Billy Crystal’s Oscar hosting stint: it started off well but his schtick got tiresome by the fifth time. Feels like the Golden Globes missed out on an opportunity to get some fresh faces to host and it’s hard to honestly believe that the talent pool in Hollywood for award show hosts is so shallow that Ricky is the top choice.

Perhaps Ricky Gervais will surprise us this time around and the time away from the Golden Globes stage will help the quality of the material.

Hell, maybe ol’ mate will dust off his inner pop star and perform some of his old 80’s new wave tunes. Now that’ll be something worth watching the 2020 Golden Globes for.

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