Bleats

The Live-Action Cats Movie Is Here Just To Serve Your Furry Thirst, Let’s Face It

The filmmakers knew exactly what they were doing.

The new trailer for the upcoming live-action film adaptation of Cats has arrived and boy is there a LOT to unpack.

The movie is based on the popular Broadway musical, has an all-star cast of heavyweight actors and musicians that includes Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson, Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, and Idris Elba, and is scheduled to come out on December 20.

But folks won’t be flocking to the cinema to see any of those names. They’re going for one reason: to quench that furry thirst.

Meow.

Instead of using Broadway’s wardrobe of elaborate cat costumes, director Tom Hopper decided to use motion capture and CGI for the characters. The resulting look is probably best described as what would happen if science actually managed to successfully mate felines with humans.

Think human faces on seemingly naked human(ish) bodies that are covered in sleek fur and rocking body parts that don’t belong on cats. This is either the stuff of nightmares or the greatest thing ever put on film depending on whether you’re a furry.

If the thirst over The Lion King was a furry appetiser, Cats is a full on buffet. Check out the trailer here be prepared to either be freaked out or turned on.

Given the polarised (and thirsty) response to the trailer, you probably think that the filmmakers are a little taken aback by the divisive reception.

But let’s be real here, they knew exactly what they were doing and what crowd they were catering for. This isn’t about adapting a Broadway play to film. This is about quenching that furry thirst.

But look, maybe they had the best of intentions for Cats and the frothing over lean humanoid felines was just an unintended side effect. After all, this is a movie about cats that’s based on a 30-something year-old stage show about cats.

The stage show confused everyone back in the 80s, everyone in the 90s, everyone in the 00s and even still now because at the end of the day, it’s a show about goddamn cats.

Today I Learned: Dirty Dancing's Lead Actress Lost Her Entire Career Because Of A Nose Job

All that's needed to disappear off the face of the earth is a rhinoplasty.

From the soundtrack, the chemistry of Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey, and of course, the dancing, Dirty Dancing defied all expectations and proved that a movie involving an excessive amount of gyrating could go down in history as one of the defining flicks of the 80’s.

While the film made a stars out of the two leads, only Swayze parlayed that buzz into a blockbuster career while Grey kinda just disappeared off the face of the earth.

So what exactly happened? How did one of the hottest actresses in the 80’s, one who appeared in iconic films like Dirty Dancing and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, lose it all?

Well it’s all because of a nose job.

Yeah, that was my first reaction too when I learned about this.

After her career cooled off a bit during the early 90s, Grey decided to undergo a nose job in an attempt to revive her slowly flagging career with a new look.

But instead of having film roles being offered to her left and right following the surgery, her new schnoz had the complete opposite effect. Grey looked completely different after her nose job, so much so that even her close friends couldn’t recognise her.

To give you an idea how drastically different Grey looks pre and post nose job, here she is in Dirty Dancing:

And here she is some time after her rhinoplasties:

384409 05: Actress Jennifer Grey attends The National Board of Review Awards January 16, 2001 at Tavern on the Green in New Yor City. (Photo by George De Sota/Newsmakers)

Yup. Subtle yet somehow almost unrecognisable.

Grey basically had to start her career from scratch and even thought about changing names before deciding against it. It’s a tough thing to go from appearing in two smash hit films, dancing with Patrick Swayze and scoring a Golden Globe nomination in doing so to competing with newbies for tiny bit roles in forgettable TV shows.

In the words of Grey herself: “I went into the operating theatre a celebrity and came out anonymous. It was like being in a witness protection program or being invisible.”

Probably the most notable thing she’s done in her post-rhinopasty career is appear on Dancing With The Stars, where she dusted off some old Dirty Dancing moves and proceeded to win the entire competition. But other than that, she sadly hasn’t been able to reach the same level of fame as her 80s heyday.

You can’t put Baby in a corner but it turns out you can make her disappear with a nose job.

Scarlett Johansson Is Proof That Hollywood Still Has A Lot To Learn About Whitewashing

Another day, another ScarJo faux pas.

“Foot in mouth” disease is something we all get from time to time and Scarlett Johansson caught a huge case of it when she said that she “should be allowed to play any person, or any tree, or any animal” because she’s an *checks notes* an actor.

Given the controversy over her being cast as Major Motoko Kusanagi in 2017’s live-action adaptation of Ghost in the Shell and her being cast (and subsequent withdrawal from the role) as Dante “Tex” Gill, a transgender man, in an upcoming biopic called Rub & Tug, her comment went about as well as you expected and the subsequent internet dogpile was as brutal as it was hilarious.

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Scarlett quickly clarified her comments and played the “taken out of context” card, telling Buzzfeed in a statement that she was merely trying to say “any actor should be able to play anybody and art, in all forms, should be immune to political correctness” but her words came out all cross-eyed.

To be fair, she does acknowledge that “there is a wide spread discrepancy amongst [her] industry that favors Caucasian, cis-gendered actors and that not every actor has been given the same opportunities that [she’s] have been privileged to” so it’s not like she’s totally clueless about the whole thing.

Well, mostly.

Now as fun as it is to take the piss out of Scarlett (again) for saying something dumb regarding identity politics and “art”, we shouldn’t focus all the memes and jokes on her alone.

Cis actors playing trans people and whitewashing has been around for ages and Scarlett is far from the only actor to dip their toes in those unsavoury pools. Despite minorities and underrepresented communities getting greater awareness these days in media, the sad truth is that Hollywood has a long way to go before it gets to a place where it remotely resembles acceptable.

So with Scarlett’s latest kerfuffle still fresh in everyone’s minds, let’s just take a short trip down memory lane and remember a few notable times where Hollywood decided to cast white, cisgender folks in minority roles that could’ve gone to, you know, actual people from those communities.

Emma Stone in Aloha

No matter how you spin this or how many lines of expository dialogue you shove in the script explaining it, no one is going to buy Emma Stone playing a character who is of Swedish, Hawaiian and Chinese descent.

The cast of Exodus: Gods and Kings

For a film about ancient Egypt set in Biblical times, there’s a noticeable lack of Egyptians in it and no amount of method acting from Christian Bale or Aaron Paul can make up for it.

Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club

Whereas Scarlett got blasted for getting cast as a transgender man, Jared Leto got oodles of critical acclaim for playing Rayon, a transgender woman dying of AIDS, and ended up winning an Oscar for his performance. Seems like losing half your body weight for a role really does take attention away from the whole cis actor playing a trans person thing.

Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl

Basically the same thing as Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club except that Eddie was playing a real life person, Lili Elbe, and he “only” got an Oscar nomination and not the win.

Jeffrey Tambor in Transparent

Again, same situation as Jared Leto and Eddie Redmayne, except that Transparent is a TV show and Jeffrey Tambor is a creep who has since been deservedly cancelled.

Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Yeah, no words can describe how racist and wrong this is.

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