Bleats

The Joke Is Over Folks, Sean Bean Is Done Dying For Your Entertainment

Can't really blame him at this point.

Between getting his head lopped off on Game of Thrones, being an archery practice dummy in Lord of the Rings and being crushed by a giant antenna in Goldeneye, it’s a bit of an understatement to say that Sean Bean has had his fair share of epic onscreen deaths.

Well folks, it’s time to retire the “Sean Bean dies in this movie/show” joke because he is tired of meeting the grim reaper for your entertainment.

Chatting to The Sun, the actor says he’s had enough of playing characters who get shuffled off this mortal coil. In fact, he’s gone one step further by turning down roles that see him bite the dust.

“I’ve turned down stuff. I’ve said, ‘They know my character’s going to die because I’m in it!’ I just had to cut that out and start surviving, otherwise it was all a bit predictable.

And you know what, fair play to him. There’s only so many times you can die (onscreen) before it gets boring and when you’ve been doing it for 35 or so years like Sean Bean, it’s bound to get a little boring.

“Don’t…don’t ever get typecast as the guy who dies all the time…promise me…”

While the glorious deaths spanning from the 80s to Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones are no longer going to happen, Sean is open to grievous bodily harm (onscreen) – just as long as he survives.

“I did do one job and they said, ‘We’re going to kill you’, and I was like, ‘Oh no!’ and then they said, ‘Well, can we injure you badly?’ and I was like, ‘OK, so long as I stay alive this time’.”

“Sean Bean gets seriously injured” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as “Sean Bean dies” but hey, we’ll take what we can get at this point.

“Look, I may be losing my head here but as long as I’m still alive, alright?”

It’s been a good run folks and we’ll forever have those memories of the actor’s many onscreen deaths – and that hilarious “Don’t kill Sean Bean” social media campaign – but the joke is officially over and it’s time to find a new one.

We hereby nominate Samuel L. Jackson as Sean Bean’s replacement. Not only does he actually have more onscreen deaths than the man who was once Ned Stark but he seems to have no qualms about carking it as long as it’s a cool-looking death.

Channing Tatum And His Ballsack On Canvas Is The Answer To Your Bland Decor

You know you need this in your house and life.

Let’s get this out of the way: Channing Tatum is a good looking man. He is so damn gorgeous you just want to hang some art of him on a wall and have that smouldering – and occasionally goofy – stare in your life forever.

Well good news, folks because you can legit to exactly that.

Artist Chris Mann – whose work is described as “charged with emotional resonance, rife with sensuality” – has decided to gift the world with an original painting of Channing Tatum. But it’s not just any portrait of the Magic Mike star.

It’s an oil-on-wood painting depicting Channing sitting a wearing nothing but a grey jumper that he’s tugging on suggestively with his right hand. His right leg is bent upwards to hide his modesty but he definitely got the angle wrong as his surprisingly clean-shaven ballsack is in full view.

It is a goddamn masterpiece for the ages and you need to feast your eyes on it right now:

Credit: Chris Mann/Ebay

I am the furthest from an art expert you’re going to get but having a half-naked Channing Tatum (and his scrotum) on a canvas in my room will more than offset the bland decor and win me brownie points with my arty mates.

If you want this gem of a painting then you better get onto Ebay quickly with a fat stack of money because it ain’t cheap. At the time of writing, the Channing painting is going for about $1,575USD (about $2,320AUD, not including the $35 for international shipping) and there’s less than three days left on the clock to lodge a bid.

Look at it this way: some bland decor will set you back around a few hundred but a portrait of half-nude Channing Tatum with his balls hanging out is priceless and getting it for $2-3k is a bargain.

The New Margot Robbie-Centric Birds Of Prey Poster Is So Awful It's Actually Brilliant

Should've renamed it "The Harley Quinn Movie (oh and the Birds of Prey might turn up)."

It seems like all things are coming up Margot Robbie and Harley Quinn. After getting officially confirmed for DC’s new take on Suicide Squad, the actress and character is now front and centre on the new Birds of Prey poster.

Margot shared the new poster on her Instagram and folks, it is… something, and not necessarily a good something.

The concept of having all the other Birds of Prey characters float around a giant Harley Quinn like birds circling the head of dazed cartoon character (because of all the voices in her head, geddit?) is pretty cool on paper, but the execution is pretty subpar.

It honestly looks like a quick five-minute Photoshop job from a first year design class and someone forgot to hide all the other layers they had on before exporting. Let’s not even mention the lack of a black mask on Black Mask.

And yet, the Birds of Prey poster still actually works. It’s almost like the folks at DC deliberately made it so bad that it ended up somewhere in the realm of good.

Sure it looks like a quick copy and paste job but we definitely get a sense of what they’re doing tone-wise with Birds of Prey and the bright colours are a welcome relief to the grim-dark aesthetic of David Ayer’s god awful Suicide Squad.

Plus we shouldn’t be surprised that Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn in a basic festival chick outfit is the focus of the poster since she’s easily the most popular character.

Other than a brighter colour palette and Black Mask without his black mask, there’s not much more to glean from the poster.

But hey, a poster doesn’t make a movie and here’s hoping “The Harley Quinn Movie (oh and the Birds of Prey might turn up)” will skip over the bad part and go straight for the good when it comes out on February 7, 2020.

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