Bleats

The Human Centipede Director's New Movie Is Somehow Even More Vile

What on earth goes on in Tom Six's head?

There have been some terrible movies made over the last few decades but Tom Six’s The Human Centipede trilogy is in its own category of filth. Sewing a bunch of people mouth-to-anus is a pretty messed up idea as it is but seeing it play out on film is something otherworldly level of vile altogether.

Well folks, we’re about to get a new Tom Six masterpiece that’s somehow just as – if not more – vile as The Human Centipede trilogy and it doesn’t even include any mouth-to-anus scenes (as far as I know anyway).

Called The Onania Club, Tom Six’s latest anti-magnum opus revolves around a woman who has an uncontrollable urge to, uh, fap to real-life scenes of violence, trauma and death. Next thing you know, she ends up joining the titular Onania Club, which basically consists of other women who also have seriously questionable fapping tastes, but things escalate from problematic to outright distressing as the women start staging actual tragedies to masturbate to.

Yeah look, there’s no dancing around it, it is some seriously twisted crap and one must wonder what goes on through Tom Six’s head when he comes up with “movies” like The Onania Club.

While we’re viewing The Onania Club as something we wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole, Six sees it as a film about “schadenfreude.” According to a press release (via Indiewire), he claims it is a “social commentary on the ever-growing political correctness in the privileged Western world and the hypocrisy of that.”

And just to make sure he means business, Six described the film as “part ‘Sex and the City’ on evil steroids and part pure, pitch black, comedy” so make of that what you will.

Reading between the lines, it seems like Tom Six made a “film” decrying today’s “woke culture” (which isn’t a thing) as a way to make something unapologetically offensive while telling people they’re not allowed to get mad at it because it’s art. He and Todd Phillips must be friends or something.

Regardless of Tom Six’s (limited) capabilities as a filmmaker and storyteller, at least The Human Centipede was an original – and gross – concept. The Onania Club is nothing more than a B-grade rip-off of David Cronenberg’s Crash, which in itself was twisted enough.

As for when The Onania Club is coming out, there’s no release date yet but look, does that really even matter at this point? It’ll come out when it comes out and it’ll almost certainly be ranked alongside The Human Centipede as something that exists as a “movie” only on paper.

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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