Bleats

Movies Are Getting Longer But Our Attention Spans Are Getting Shorter, Where Is The Logic?

My bladder can’t handle it.

Here’s a concept: intermissions for movies

It might sound like a weird idea but me and my bladder are all for it. Sitting through three hours in an uncomfortable cinema chair (especially when they’re the kind with the arms that don’t tuck away) is not fun when you have a belly full of iced cola and you pee a bit every time you laugh/cry/there’s a jump scare. 

Sure, maybe it’s just my tiny bladder. But it’s also because movies are getting longer and longer which makes it harder to hold my pee. 

So again I suggest: intermissions for movies. 

I know. Source: Giphy

This isn’t just me being a sook – movies have actually been getting longer. Two of this year’s most popular films, Avengers: Endgame and IT Chapter Two, were both about three hours long. 

That’s double the amount of time of an average romcom. 

Yeah, no thanks. Source: Giphy

Watching long movies isn’t a huge struggle when you’re excited for the film – Avengers and It both had a lot of hype around their release. There was no way I was going to the toilet during Endgame and I was okay with that.  

But not all films are made equal, meaning not all films are loved and adored in the same way. Which means sitting through them while needing to pee is not always ideal. 

Real footage of me trying to hold my pee during a movie. Source: Giphy

There is a logic to why movies are getting longer. 

Firstly, most big movies are adaptations. Films like Harry Potter come with a huge reputation and an even bigger fanbase. The pressure to fit in all the important bits and details is immense.

Logic follows: the longer the film, the more that can be included. 

Smart. Source: Giphy

Another reason movies are getting longer is because audiences want more bang for their buck. Nothing is cheap these days and asking a family to pay $13 a ticket for a movie plus popcorn and soda is basically asking them to give away small fortune – $100+ can be spent on groceries, dinner or laundry fees. 

So, if a mum is going to take her kids to a movie she wants to make sure it’s damn worth it. 

Why watch an 90-minute kids comedy about The Rock babysitting a cutie little girl when you can distract your kids for with an action film for three blissful hours?

Streaming services also give a reason for movies to extend their runtime – there is no cap, they can play through for as long as we desire. Gone are the days where you had to change from Titanic VHS #1 to Titanic VHS #2 just after watching Jack draw Rose like one of his French girls. 

Iconic. Source: Giphy

Finally, movies are long because they’re ~art~. 

I’d like to see you try telling Quentin Tarantino to cap his blockbusters at one hour. 

lolololol. Source: Giphy

The reasons why movies are getting longer and longer make total sense. But that doesn’t mean I like it. 

Again I say: intermissions for movies. It will be revolutionary, trust me. 

Snoop Is Playing A Very Boujee Cousin Itt In The New Addams Family Movie

Dropping ITT like it's hot.

When I say The Addams Family I’m willing to bet your brain instantly goes to this: 

You’re welcome for getting that stuck in your head for the rest of the year. 

*takes a sip* Source: Giphy

But The Adams Family is about a lot more than a catchy theme song: it’s weird and wacky and about embracing your weirdness and wackiness. The movie has been made and re-made in a variety of different versions of the years but always included the same iconic characters. 

Wednesday is and always has been my spirit animal. 

Life motto. Source: Giphy

One of the most recognisable characters from The Addams Family is Cousin Itt. He’s like a scarier, harrier version of Sesame Street’s Mr. Snuffleupagus with sunglasses and a bowler hat. 

Fashion icon? Methinks yes. Source: Giphy

Snoop Dogg is the latest person to bring Cousin Itt to life – he’s playing the hairy family member in the upcoming Adams Family animated film. 

But, in true Snoop fashion, he’s bringing his own twist to the iconic character. Cousin Itt has received a very boujee makeover, complete with rich person gloves, a ruby ring, gold cane, cool boy John Lennon sunglasses, and a much more expensive looking bowler cap. 

The latest trailer for the new Addams Family film revealed Cousin Itt’s new look in an equally boujee manner: rolling up in a retro convertible and with his own backing track (Snoop’s own ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’, of course). 

Check out the trailer below. Cousin Itt makes his entrance at around the 2 minute 20 second mark. 

Before you go, I want to leave you with one more thing. 

DUN DUN DUN DUN…

You’re welcome.

*takes another sip* Source: Giphy

Possum Magic Is A Damn National Treasure And Deserves A Movie

I’ll bring the lamingtons.

As a kid I hated to read. Hated it. I only made two exceptions: the Cosmo sealed section (when my parents weren’t looking) and Men Fox’s Possum Magic

What can I say, I have very cultured taste.

#DONTJUDGE. Source: Giphy

Possum Magic brought me joy on multiple occasions and makes me crave Aussie sweets every single time I read it. It’s a damn national treasure and has been recognised over the years with awards, a stage play, and a cook book which features recipes for all of the treats mentioned in the original book. 

But there’s one accolade it hasn’t yet been given: a movie. 

In a world where remakes have become the norm and where every second movie is a ‘family film’ (this year alone there’s been Toy Story 4, The Secret Life of Pets 2, Frozen II, The Adams Family, and more) this baffles me. 

Almost all of Roald Dahl’s iconic children’s tales has received it’s own film and yet one of the most iconic children’s book in Aussie history has never been put on the big screen. I don’t think it’s ever been pitched for a movie. 

I have no idea. Source: Giphy

Possum Magic would be, well, magic as a movie. 

It shouldn’t be a live-action movie – we don’t need more hyperreal animals on screen, The Lion King was enough thanks. It should be an animated film with the same stylistic flair as Monsters Inc: bright colours, realistic fur, lots of fun. 

Imagine watching Julie Vivas’ beautiful illustrations come to life as animations. Hush the baby possum would be so damn cute and the Vegemite sandwiches, lamingtons, and pavlovas would look extra delicious.

More importantly, a Possum Magic movie is basically destined to be successful. The story is nostalgic, it’s popular, and it’s adored. Both children and adults who grew up with the book would absolutely watch the film and absolutely love it.

If I had the power to make this happen I would, but that’s sadly not the world I live in. So I’m manifesting to the universe: a Possum Magic movie is going to happen.*

*Someone just needs to give it a contract first. 

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