Bleats

Hollywood Is Going To Screw Up The New Mortal Kombat Reboot, Isn't It?

No end to the video game movie curse just yet.

If you’re one of the many who are hoping that the new Mortal Kombat live-action film reboot will finally crack the Hollywood video game movie curse, you’re probably going to be disappointed.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the James Wan-produced project has cast Jessica McNamee as Sonya Blade and Josh Lawson playing Kano.

Now that’s all good and all, but here’s the worrying part of the report: Lewis Tan has been cast as an “undisclosed lead character.”

Uh, what?

Mortal Kombat has had an established line-up of characters throughout its 27-year existence with the only changes being the addition of new fighters every now and again. It’s not rocket science to work out who is going to be in every new game or the movie.

This means there’s simply no reason to hide the identity of a lead character because we already frigging know who they are. It’s either going to be Liu Kang (Ludi Lin), Sonya Blade, Jax (Mehcad Brooks), Sub-Zero (Joe Taslim), or one of the other seven or so characters who have been around since the first game.

Since most of those aforementioned main characters already cast, we’re left with two possibilities:

  1. Lewis is playing either Johnny Cage, Scorpion, Princess Kitana, Shang Tsung, Reptile, or Goro.
  2. Lewis is playing a new, original character.

Even with the dumb “undisclosed lead character” description, we can easily work out who Lewis is playing in the Mortal Kombat reboot by a simple process of elimination.

But since the filmmakers are going though this effort to hide Lewis’ character’s identity, this means we’re left with the possibility of Lewis playing some new character, which is stupidity of the highest order because no one is going to watch Mortal Kombat for some new fighter they’ve never heard of.

All this makes no sense because there’s simply no logical reason to announce that Lewis is playing “an undisclosed lead character,” and it’s a worrying sign that Hollywood may be screwing up yet another video game movie by adding unnecessary changes.

It would be a ridiculously dumb move if this is indeed the case, which is kind of weird to say about a movie that’s about killing people in hilariously gruesome ways, like shoving a grenade down someone’s throat or freezing them before ripping out their spine. Then again, Hollywood has never been good at the video game movie gig so we shouldn’t be too surprised.

Anyway, we’ll see whether Mortal Kombat is a flop or a winning fatality when filming gets underway in Adelaide in late 2019 for a March 5, 2021 release date.

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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