Bleats

Andy Serkis' Greatest Role Isn't Gollum On Lord Of The Rings, It's This Talking Anus

Thanks for that, Gollum.

Look, it’s all there in the headline. Andy Serkis, the man and voice behind Gollum in Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy and basically every Hollywood movie with a CGI character in it, has hit a new peak in his glistening career with the greatest role he’ll likely ever play: a talking anus.

Seriously.

TMI there, Andy.

Now Serkis isn’t squeezing into a motion-capture suit (again) to play a literal arsehole that can speak for a some big-budget Hollywood movie about… whatever has a talking butthole in it.

He’s in fact voicing an animated talking anus for a campaign about fatbergs. Now I’m sure you’re wondering “what in the name of all things holy is a fatberg” and “what on earth does that have to do with a talking butthole?”

Well a fatberg is a congealed mass formed by non-biodegradable waste (such as wet wipes) that’s flushed down the toilet and are subsequently bound together by grease or fat, causing big clogging problems in sewer systems around the world.

To raise awareness about this issue, Andy has decided to, ahem, voice a talking anus for a PSA video for non-profit group City to Sea highlighting the negative impact our addiction to wet wipes are and to call on everyone to “be a good arsehole” by disposing of them properly rather than flushing them down the toilet.

Once again this bears repeating because it’ll never cease to be amusing: Andy. Serkis. Is. A. Talking. Arsehole.

I don’t know Andy personally but I have a feeling he’ll be pretty proud of the fact that his CV will now forever read, “Andy Serkis, the man behind Gollum in The Lord of the Rings, was once the voice of a talking anus.”

In a kind of dark, nightmare fuel kind of way, it’s almost disappointing he didn’t go full motion-capture method for this role like he usually does, but maybe this is one time where method acting probably isn’t the best idea.

Jeremy Renner Allegedly Threatening His Ex Proves That Not Everyone Is A Hero

Hawkeye's Ronin phase seems to have bled into real life.

Jeremy Renner – aka Hawkeye – may not be everyone’s favourite Avenger but he’s made a big enough mark in those movies as the everyman who does his best. Well it turns out that not everyone is a hero regardless of how good with a bow they are as it is reported that the actor allegedly threatened to kill his ex-wife.

According to legal documents (obtained by TMZ) in the custody battle between Renner and his ex-wife Sonni Pacheco, she claimed he verbally and physically threatened her on a number of occasions.

Pacheco alleges that the Avengers star was “high on coke and booze” when at a nightclub in November 2018 and talked about how he “could not deal with her anymore, and he just wanted her gone.”

In a separate complaint, Pacheco also alleges that a nanny once overheard Renner say he wanted to kill her and then himself because “it was better that Ava had no parents than to have [Sonni] as a mother.”

This was followed by a separate allegation that Renner put a gun in his mouth and threatened to kill himself before firing the gun into the ceiling while their daugher was asleep in her bedroom.

In response to all these allegations, a representative for Renner tells TMZ:

“The well-being of his daughter Ava has always been and continues to be the primary focus for Jeremy. This is a matter for the court to decide. It’s important to note the dramatizations made in Sonni’s declaration are a one-sided account made with a specific goal in mind.”

Renner has since responded with legal documents of his own stating that Sonni’s allegations are made up because she’s just “pissed” their relationship failed and is hoping for a “cash grab.”

Renner’s documents reportedly not only presents a defence against Sonni’s drug abuse claims while also alleging she’s the one with a drug problem, they also lay out a timeline of his film releases and the history of the allegations against him.

Now given how this is a bitter legal case involving custody over a young child, there’s going to be a lot of “he said, she said” so take everything with a grain of salt for now.

But regardless, the allegations are all pretty damn disturbing and definitely don’t paint a good picture for either Sonni or Jeremy Renner, especially with his upcoming Hawkeye series about to drop on Disney+.

We’ll have to see how this all shakes out but the one thing this whole fustercluck guarantees is that Hawkeye won’t be moving from the bottom of the “Favourite Avenger” list anytime soon.

The Internet Has Gone From Thirsty To Dehydrated Over Zoe Kravitz As Our New Catwoman

The cat's out of the bag and it's incredibly dehydrated.

Good news Batman fans! It seems like those rumours of Rihanna suiting up as Selina Kyle/Catwoman opposite Robert Pattinson’s Caped Crusader in The Batman were unfounded as director Matt Reeves has decided to cast Zoe Kravitz in the role instead.

According to juicy goss from The Hollywood Reporter, Zoe won the role over some talented names like Ana de Armas, Ella Balinska, and Eiza Gonzalez after a “rigorous” testing process that included an all-important chemistry test with Robert Pattinson.

It seems like Zoe Kravitz must’ve nailed her audition while demonstrating some sizzling chemistry with the Batman-to-be as Matt Reeves later confirmed her casting over Twitter.

No disrespect to Rihanna or any of the aforementioned actresses up for the role but Zoe is a fantastic choice for the role.

We already know she can act, she’s proven herself to be a badass in films like Mad Max: Fury Road and she’s already had experience playing Selina Kyle/Catwoman after voicing the role in The Lego Batman Movie.

But perhaps even more prevalent than the internet’s full support behind Zoe’s casting is everyone’s full blown thirst over the sizzling chemistry between her and RPatz.

We’re completely onboard with this thirst trap because let’s be honest here, seeing Zoe Kravitz and Robert Pattinson trade sexually-charged banter on a rooftop while in costume is a guaranteed sploosh.

With Zoe’s casting locked in, Reeves’ Batman film is shaping up to be a hell of a star-studded film. In addition to her and Rob, you’ve got Jeffrey Wright as Commissioner Jim Gordon and Jonah Hill in talks to play some sort of villain. The cast alone is enough to wipe the taste of Batfleck from everyone’s mouth.

The cat is out of the bag, folks, and it’s incredibly dehydrated. Here’s hoping that thirst will be quenched when The Batman drops on its scheduled June 25, 2021 date.

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