Bleats

A Lot More Pie-Boning Went Down In American Pie Than You Thought

They definitely didn't eat it all.

Raunchy teenage sex comedies involving hormonal kids trying to get laid are nothing new to moviegoers. But perhaps none have quite captured the imagination of audiences quite like 1999’s American Pie.

It’s surprisingly honest, hilarious, and holds up surprisingly well despite being 20 years old. But let’s be real, the reason why we still remember the film is because of that infamous scene where Jim bones that apple pie.

You know the one.

Well, actually it is.

For those who don’t remember or haven’t seen the film, Jim (Jason Biggs) is told by his buddies that getting to “third base” felt like “warm apple pie”. Later, he comes home and lo and behold, there’s a warm apple pie sitting on the kitchen counter. And as one does when they’re a naive teenager who’s yet to have sex, Jim decides to bone it.

Now depending on if you saw the movie in cinemas or on DVD, you would’ve either seen Jim humping and pumping the pie on the kitchen counter or holding the pie against, uh, himself.

It’s a lot of pie-porking but the truth is that there was a lot more boning than what we saw and it’s enough to make you feel sorry for both Jim and what’s left of the pie.

It still looks exactly what we think it looks like.

The New York Times (of all places) did a deep dive into the making of the pie-boning scene with the filmmakers and Biggs revealed that he wasn’t aroused. Not only that, he didn’t even stick his dick in the (fake) pie and sort of just had his junk “against” the (fake) pie.

Talk about not taking one for the team. Daniel Day-Lewis would’ve done it for real and he would’ve won an Oscar for it.

Anyway, while Biggs didn’t actually bone a pie for real, he did have to fake-bone the pie a lot. Like a lot. He not only filmed those two versions of the scene above, the director would make him do multiple takes from various angles with his bits at various levels of exposure.

All in all, he said it took six hours to film the scene, which is heaps of pie-boning no matter how you swing it.

“Like, ‘O.K., you’re showing too much crack. Oh, you’re showing not enough crack. We can see a little bit of your penis here.’ It was probably like six hours of doing it from all different angles and all different versions of it. “

But all jokes aside, credit must be given to all the work that went into the pie-boning scene and Biggs’ adult-star level of stamina because all that humping resulted in an iconic scene that made American Pie a teenage sex comedy classic and a place in film history as “the dude who porked an apple pie”.

How China Is Deciding What You Get To See At The Cinema, And Even Disney Is In On it

No, it's not just you noticing all the Chinese pandering going on in Hollywood blockbusters.

The world collectively freaked out when Disney dropped the first trailer for its upcoming live-action adaptation of Mulan. Despite the lack of Mushu, no “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You“, or any indication that it’ll have musical bits, it was a gorgeous trailer that highlights just how much of a badarse Liu Yifei’s Mulan is.

However, one can’t help but feel something is “off” with the trailer and the character of Mulan. Compared to all the joy and emotion found in the 1998 animated classic, this new take just seems… cold.

The Guardian‘s Jingan Young says that this version of Mulan appears to pander to China’s nationalistic agenda and they’re not wrong in that assumption. The 1998 animated film flopped in China upon release so it’s pretty clear that Disney are trying to avoid that problem again by making it more appealing to Chinese audiences.

Some would say this is selling out a film’s creative vision in order to make more money and, well, they’d be completely correct. In fact, Disney are far from the only Hollywood studio to pander to the Chinese market with its blockbusters.

The Chinese film industry is absolutely booming right now, with experts putting it a close second to the US in terms of projected box office earnings for 2019 (about $12 billion vs $11 billion). In fact, these experts are predicting it to topple America as the biggest moviegoing audience by 2020.

As China emerges as a moviegoing market equal to the US but with potential for far more growth – there’s well over 1 billion moviegoers in China compared to the mere 300 or so million in the US – Hollywood studios are making big moves in order to get a slice of that Chinese movie pie.

This is why we’ve seen increased marketing in Asian markets, different edits of films and more big name actors going to Chinese cities to plug movies in recent years: there’s a LOT of money to be made there.

For context on just how increasingly important China is for a movie’s bottom line, about $600 million of Avengers: Endgame‘s $2.7 billion box office gross came from Chinese audiences alone. Yeah, that’s a lot of dosh.

It goes beyond PR stuff as we’re starting to see more Chinese influence on the creative side of things due to an increasing number of American/Chinese co-productions or production partnerships of some kind, like The Meg and Godzilla: King of the Monsters.

This all looks like Hollywood is selling what’s left of its soul for some extra moolah in China and that’s a pretty accurate assumption. But the numbers don’t lie and it all makes sense from a money-making perspective, even if it means sacrificing things like creative freedom for a touch of Chinese pandering.

And business is booming.

It remains to be seen how this all plays out and how movies will ultimately be affected but don’t be too surprised to see more Chinese influence – for better or worse – on your cinema choices over the next decade or so.

Today I Learned: Anchorman: Legend Of Ron Burgundy Was Originally Like Cast Away On Crack

Not quite as classy as San Diego.

It’s a little hard to believe but Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy turns 15 this year and yet the film still feels as fresh as the smell of Brian Fantana’s cologne.

But for all the crazy trident throwing and outlandish fights between San Diego’s top news teams, there was a point in time where the idea of Anchorman was even crazier than what we got and involved a bizarre combination of plane crashes, throwing stars and deadly orangutans.

Chatting on The Bill Simmons Podcast (via EW), Will Ferrell revealed that his and Adam McKay’s original, incredibly outrageous idea for Anchorman was set in 1976 and involved newsmen from around the country flying in to Philadelphia for a big convention.

Ron somehow convinces the pilot that he can fly the jet and he immediately clips a cargo plane carrying orangutans and Chinese throwing stars before crashing it in the mountains.

The movie then turns into a bonkers survival story where all the newsmen are trying to find civilisation but are getting picked off one by one by the orangutans, who are now armed with the throwing stars.

It honestly sounds like someone watched Cast Away while high and decided to write their own version of the movie, and the result was this first version of Anchorman.

But as amazing as that idea was, the movie studios weren’t biting and Ferrell said it was rejected 10 times in one day. Can’t imagine why the suits didn’t go for the idea.

Even acclaimed director Paul Thomas Anderson, who really wanted to help Ferrell and McKay get a movie made, thought their Anchorman idea was weird and told them to tone it down just a tad.

It’s a bit of a shame we never got to see the Channel 4 news team take on deadly orangutans with hand grenades and bottles of Sex Panther but let’s not lose all hope just yet.

Anchorman 2 came out in 2013, nine years after the first. If they decide to make another sequel, they already have a slam dunk idea in the can. Bring on Anchorman 3: Ron vs the Orangutans in 2022 and remember to stay classy, San Diego.

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