Bleats

Your Millennial Curse Is To Never Have Nice Furniture

Travelling light means a sideboard-free existence.

Millennials, eh? According to the media, they’re just killing everything.

There’s no shortage of thinkpieces on the subject, including huffy editorials about these damn young people not wanting Georgian antiques when they move out of home, or snide articles about how young people sleep on floor-mattresses like animals. Have they no dignity, much less taste?

And of course, the reason is more economic than aesthetic. It’s not because young people hate nice things.

Oh, Mr Fancy here can splash out on his own cards, huh?

It’s because millennials, on average, aren’t buying their own places and then festooning them with all sorts of lovely pieces the way that, say, boomers did. 

The reality these days is that folks in their 20s and 30s (and, increasingly, beyond) live in smaller places for shorter periods of time, often with groups of people, and showing up at a share house with a giant wardrobe and a gorgeous handcrafted dining table is just looking for trouble.

“Ringo, hold on RINGO OH GOD WE’VE LOST RINGO.”

That lifestyle – one necessitated by uncertain employment and a housing market where buying is unlikely and renting is competitive – means lots of moves, and moves mean either having to shove nice things along stairwells and into borrowed vans, or hiring people to do the lugging and lifting. And either way, stuff is going to get broken. 

Thus younger people tend to travel light, and what furniture people have tends to be stuff which could be abandoned without breaking anyone’s heart.

Gran’s piano is going to judge you if you leave it by the side of the road, but no-one has ever bid a tearful farewell to a $30 chipboard bookcase gaffed together because the pins fell out two moves ago.

It’s just so easy!

On the plus side, if you have to rush out from a burning building, you’ll be able to bundle everything you value in a doona.

So… yay?

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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