Bleats

Monopoly Has Released A Real Estate-Less "Millennial Edition", Because Millennials Not Being Able To Buy Property Is So Much Fun It Deserves Its Own Board Game

Instead of going around the board collecting property, you collect "experiences".

Millennials are at once heavily derided by the media and closed out of most of society. We lack stable housing, financial security, and it’s very likely that we’ll see the Earth crumble beneath our feet in our lifetimes. Meanwhile, older generations hate us because a few of us happen to like avocado on toast.

Monopoly, the famous game about going around the board and collecting property until everyone hates you, already feels accurate to the millennial housing market experience under late capitalism (as long as the winner is a baby boomer, of course).

Nevertheless, the famous board game has gone one step further and created a “Millennial Edition”.

I guess sunglasses are a “Millennial” thing now.

No, this isn’t a bad knock-off or a photoshopped meme: this is a bonafide official product by Hasbro, the toy company behind Monopoly.

Just read this cringe-inducing blurb from the official description over at Walmart.

Instead of collecting as much cash as possible, players are challenged to rack up the most Experiences to win. Travel around the gameboard discovering and visiting cool places to eat, shop, and relax. Interact with other players via Chance and Community Chest cards, (which are super relatable). And players don’t pay rent — they visit one another, earning more Experience points.

Yikes

The blurb continues with such condescending How-Do-You-Do-Fellow-Kids lingo like “adulting is hard”, but it’s hard to go past how the game removes both collecting properties and paying rent: the two core mechanics of Monopoly. Which would be a point in its favour, if everything else about this didn’t already turn us off.

Did I mention that, as well as being the worst thing, this version of Monopoly is exclusive to US retailer Walmart, who are renowned for underpaying staff? So relatable!

Look, Monopoly is already an incredibly bad board game. It goes for hours, nothing interesting happens, and it only really exists to spread animosity. Anyone who willingly pulls it out during a party or family get-together should be punished immediately.

Same, Daniel Craig. Same.

If you’re really keen on a board game that’ll make everyone hate each other, at least play something halfway-fun like Settlers of Catan or Ticket To Ride.

There's A 1000-Piece Colour-Changing Puzzle On The Market, If You're Really Into Slow, Frustrating Torture

That puzzle, designed by artist Clemens Habicht, seems less like a good time and more like a form of masochism.

Have you ever wanted to torture yourself very, very slowly, and in ways that the human mind really can’t comprehend? Well, do we have the puzzle experience for you!

French artist Clemens Habicht has released a 1000-piece puzzle where each piece changes colour. Using a lenticular printing method, each piece is either one colour or another, ultimately destroying one of the primary ways most humans have solved puzzles for centuries.

According to a blurb on the MoMA Store website, Habicht “was inspired by the blue sky of a particularly difficult puzzle. He found that relying on an intuitive sense of colour was much more satisfying—and therapeutic—than putting together the image-based areas of the puzzle.” Which, like sure, but I don’t believe you for a second. This is a form of torture.

This isn’t even Habicht’s first rodeo. He first made headlines a year ago for making a puzzle based on the entire CYMK colour spectrum. Since then, his mad scientist ways drove him to make something even more infuriatingly difficult.

That said, the completed puzzle is very pretty. A video of a Redditor completing the puzzle made it to the front page of the link-sharing website, under the subreddit r/oddlysatisfying.

This 1000 piece holographic monstrosity I just finished from oddlysatisfying

If you are into this sort of thing (no shame if you are), you can buy a copy for about $100 plus shipping here.

Just don’t come running to us when you eventually break some furniture in frustration.

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