Bleats

Melania Trump Clearly Hasn’t Learned From Last Year's Blood Christmas Trees

Another year, another grim tree.

It’s the most magical time of the year! Christmas time means tons of food, all those relatives you (may or may not) want to see, and Melania Trump’s joyless Christmas decorations.

Yep, for the third year in a row, Melania has been given the task of decorating the White House for the silly season. In 2017, she went with bare white branches that would have been fabulous Halloween decorations if they were put up a couple of months earlier. Last year, she tried again and landed on some blood red trees that made the white house look like a straight up horror movie.

Third time’s the charm, right? This year Melania has gone all out on the patriotism theme, calling the decorations “The Spirit of America.”

The trees aren’t covered in blood at the very least, so I’ll admit it’s a minor improvement, but come on. The official photos look like horror movie stills.

We even have a fun corridor full of glass shards that look like they could fall down and slice a limb off at any given second. Because nothing says joy and warmth like sharp glass.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images

In Melania’s defence – and that is not a phrase I say often – I’m not sure who actually put her in charge of the decorating to begin with. It seems to be a job given to the First Lady no matter who it is, their lack of interior decoration knowledge be damned. 

If I was put in charge of decorating the entire White House purely because I was married to a guy who wound up president, I can guarantee that I’d probably shit it and just cover the place in flashing fairy lights. I’d probably accidentally give some poor person a seizure. 

This would be me

So while Melania’s taste in decorations continue to be horrible, maybe we shouldn’t be judging her on them. We can sure as hell judge her for her all the other awful stuff she does though, like wear jackets letting us know that she doesn’t actually care about anything.

Someone Tell Amazon That Auschwitz And Christmas Baubles Are Not A Match

Because it turns out they need to be told.

Exactly a week ago today, Spanish fashion house Loewe got their asses handed to them for releasing an outfit that looked basically identical to the uniforms that were given to prisoners in concentration camps. I’m afraid it’s time to reset the “days since someone last tried to make money off the Holocaust” counter back to zero, because Amazon has just had to pull some Auschwitz themed Christmas decorations.

Come on…

If you did a double take like I did when I first read the words “Auschwitz themed Christmas decorations”, then I’m sorry to tell you that you didn’t read it wrong. The official Auschwitz Museum Twitter page were the ones that had to point it out, and tweeted that Christmas ornaments and bottle openers decorated with pictures of Auschwitz were, to put it mildly, disrespectful.

To put it less mildly, they’re super f*cked up.

They asked Amazon to remove the decorations, and Amazon did actually do that a couple of hours later. Screenshots are forever though.

There is a chance that the decorations weren’t deliberately made, but was the unfortunate result of an algorithm that was set up to grab pictures and put them on generic ornaments. Algorithms like those do exist, and once somebody orders one the product is made rather than selling products that already exist. Nobody is quite sure if that’s the case yet, but I’m personally hoping it is – just to keep some of the faith I have left in humanity.

Fingers crossed it wasn’t deliberate…

Ultimately the result was the same no matter how these ads were made. Concentration camps were one of the darkest points in human history, and do not belong on cheery Christmas decorations. They never should have been advertised in the first place. 

I’m hoping more than anything that we don’t see another one of these stories next week.

There Was Literally No Reason For Sally To Be In The Nightmare Before Christmas

For it is plain, as anyone can see.

Alright, let’s just get it out of the way, I hadn’t watched The Nightmare Before Christmas until last night. I had friends when I was a kid who would rave about Jack and Sally and how good it was, but I just never got around to it. We’re officially into December so of course it was on TV, I couldn’t be bothered changing the channel and accidentally watched the whole thing. And I have opinions.

What the hell is your role in all of this?

If you’re in the same boat as I was 24 hours ago and haven’t seen the film, the gist is that Jack Skellington has something missing from his life and decides that Christmas is going to be his thing now. He kidnaps Santa, tries to make Christmas spooky, ruins everything and then has to go and un-kidnap Santa so that Christmas can be saved. 

And you know what? That’s exactly what would happen if Sally was absolutely wiped from the entire film.

About three second before Christmas is ruined.

As far as I could tell, Sally’s role was to warn him about the fact that he would absolutely ruin Christmas – a warning Jack totally ignored by the way – and to eventually get captured so Jack can rescue her along with Santa. If she wasn’t there in the first place, Jack would still have ruined Christmas and had to rescue Santa, so go figure. Like I said, the plot remains the same.

After all is said and done, Jack is told that he should have listened to Sally the entire time because she’s so smart, and then realises that they should always have been together. Don’t ask me what caused this realisation because he’s straight up ignored her until this point. 

You??? Aren’t???

Maybe I just don’t have the nostalgia attached to this movie because I never watched it as a kid, or maybe Blink 182 singing “we can live like Jack and Sally if we want” made me assume that this was some sort of romance film. I’ve decided I don’t want to live like Sally at all though. She does nothing.

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