Now that we have confirmation that former Gogglebox Australia star Angie Kent will be our new bachelorette for the 2019 season of The Bachelorette, it’s time to meet the line-up of suitors who will be vying for her heart.
Unfortunately, there’s a slight problem: we have no idea who the suitors are yet. But no matter! Since we’ve got no official Bachelorette suitors yet, we’ve rounded up the next best batch of substitutes: the Avengers.
Hear us out here. There’s usually around 20 suitors and there are around 20 major characters across the Marvel movies, every character is unique in their own way, and Angie is clearly looking for someone a bit different than who she’s dated in the past.
Similar to what we did with Bachelor women and their jobs, and the Tinder profiles of 2018’s batch of Bachelorette suitors, we’ve ranked every Avenger based on how likely Angie is to date them.
We’ve also included the Guardians of the Galaxy, T’Challa, Doctor Strange, Loki, and Carol Danvers so no one gets left out. And as a heads up, many assumptions will be made but that’s to be expected in a serious investigation such as this.
#22 Rocket Raccoon
Besides being a trash panda that was born from a series of heinous experiments, Rocket is probably a bit too fascinated with his guns and perhaps a bit too angry for Angie’s tastes.
#21 Groot
He’s a tree, which should be enough of an explanation. Plus he’s a moody teen who is more into his video games and that’s just not appealing to someone like Angie.
That being said, Angie did spend some time in the jungle on I’m A Celeb hence why he ranks above Rocket.
One word: splinters.
#20 Vision
Well he’s dead so that rules him out. If he were alive, it’s still a no go since he’s got a thing going with Wanda and she’ll use her psychic powers on Angie if she tries to go after Vision. Say he were alive and single, well he’s an android who can do strange things and it’s highly likely that Angie will just be weirded out instead of having any chemistry with him.
Speaking of Wanda…
#19 Wanda Maximoff
She’s with Vision so that’s a no go. Plus she’s technically still a teenager/barely in her 20s so the age gap might be a bit much.
On the topic of age gaps…
#18 Peter Parker
Yeah, nah, the 10+ year age gap is just too weird and he’s still in high school. Plus he’s only got eyes for Mary Jane so that’s a big no.
#17 Clint Barton
If the theory on why Hawkeye is back in Endgame, then this is a big no since Clint is clearly still in mourning and dating is the last thing on his mind.
This doesn’t look like a man who is ready to date again.
#16 Gamora
With Gamora’s assassin skills and lack of patience for antics, it is likely Angie may get on the green-skinned alien’s nerves so much that their first date will end with Gamora either ditching Angie or stabbing her with a sword.
#15 Bucky
An assassin with a metal arm who is recovering from decades of brainwashing is probably not the best dating option for Angie. He still seems to be struggling to adapt to normal life and that may be a dealbreaker.
#14 T’Challa
He’s the King of Wakanda and that immediately scores big points with Angie (and everyone else really). However, T’Challa has a lot of responsibilities on his plate as King and Angie isn’t royalty so there may be a slight issue there. Plus T’Challa is clearly still harbouring a thing for his ex, Nakia, which definitely won’t go down well.
#13 Peter Quill
He’s with Gamora and she’ll likely slice Angie in half if the Bachelorette got anywhere near him.
But back in his single playboy days? Oh hell yeah, this would be on like bees and honey, though it probably wouldn’t go beyond a few weeks of fun since Peter will probably end up bailing and flying away on his ship.
#12 Carol Danvers
Carol is heroic and is powerful enough to protect Angie from anything, making her a heck of a catch.
Probably a bit too emotionally distant since Carol is still trying to figure out who she is, and physically distant since she’s also flying around the universe helping out others in need. Definitely not the settling down type just yet.
#11 Sam Wilson
He’s in shape, a decorated soldier, and is a loyal friend, all of which are points in the positive column.
That being said, his friendship with Steve Rogers may interfere with anything he has with Angie. But hey, every relationship has its problems and they’ll eventually work them out (or not).
#10 James Rhodes
Basically the same as Sam Wilson but arguably a better prospect since he’s a former US Air Force Officer. Plus he copped the short end of the stick in Civil War and needs some fancy tech to help him walk these days so it’s perhaps time Rhodey gets something positive happen to him.
#9 Drax
Drax is buff, covered in tats, a good friend, and has a dry sense of humour, making him a great companion.
Probably a bit too blunt at times, which may turn Angie off, but at least the guy is honest.
#8 Scott Lang
He’s a former engineer and a reformed criminal who wants to do right by his daughter, so it seems right for him to settle down with someone like Angie. Plus he’s Paul Rudd so he’ll be handsome for the rest of time.
That being said, his thing with Hope may come back later down the track so that’s something to be wary of.
#7 Doctor Strange
He’s a renowned doctor, can turn on the charm when he needs to, has a deep, soothing voice, and can conjure up food and drink at will so he’s quite the catch for Angie.
The only problems are his duties in protecting his realm and the possibility of his ex, Christine Palmer, coming back into the picture.
Helloooo doctor.
#6 Bruce Banner
A super smart scientist who just wants to keep things simple and stress-free? Ding ding ding! We have a winner.
Just make sure he doesn’t get too stressed or frustrated because that won’t end well for anyone.
#5 Tony Stark
What’s not to like about a genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist who happens to be one of the most famous men on Earth?
Only problem is that he’s engaged to Pepper Potts, which could be a bit of a problem.
#4 Thor
He’s the King of Asgard and the God of Thunder, which makes him a hell of a catch. Plus he’s currently single, meaning that Angie has got a great opportunity to sink her claws into him.
His affinity to his magical axe may take a bit of getting used to though.
#3 Steve Rogers
Heroic, handsome, patriotic, and a good boy in all the right ways, making him a perfect catch for Angie.
Let’s hope his feelings for Peggy Carter and Sharon Carter have gone because that’s a potential black hole Angie may not want to explore.
#2 Natasha Romanoff
She’s a badass, well-travelled, comfortable in her own skin, looks like Scarlett Johansson, and more than capable to take care of herself and Angie, what’s there not to like?
If Angie gets caught up in Black Widow’s web, there’s little chance she’ll escape.
#1 Loki
Just look at the similarities between Loki and her ex-boyfriend:
If that’s not enough to put Loki at number one on Angie’s Avengers suitor list, then his bad boy charm and sense of wit definitely will.