According to a report from Business Insider, Mark Zuckerberg, founder and overlord of Facebook dot com, has a secret escape tunnel located underneath his office at Facebook headquarters in Menlo Park, California.
Wait, what? A tunnel? Like he’s a gopher or something?
The report describes his extensive security detail, thanks to a $14 million/year security budget, that includes armed guards, elaborate security systems, home panic rooms, and, some employees say, a secret tunnel.
According to Business Insider:
“There’s also a persistent rumour among Facebook employees that he has a secret “panic chute” his team can evacuate him down to get him out of the office in a hurry. The truth of this matter remains murky: One source said they had been briefed about the existence of a top-secret exit route through the floor of the conference room into the parking garage, but others said they had no knowledge of it. Facebook declined to comment on this.”
I have so many questions.
Is Facebook HQ basically just the Wonka factory? Where are the Oompa-Loompas? Did Elon Musk design the tunnel? What’s the panic chute made of? Does he ever use it to get to his car faster?
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. Silicon Valley billionaires are notoriously paranoid – just have a read about how many are preparing shelters in New Zealand for the ‘inevitable’ apocalypse – and considering all the Facebook/Russian bots/US election drama and the fact that many people in America take conspiracy theories incredibly seriously, it almost sounds reasonable. Almost. But not quite.
Plus, how many people can this chute accommodate? What do the people who can’t fit into it do? Fend for themselves? Seems harsh, Zuck.
I hope it’s true, just because I love it when real life starts to sound so far-fetched that a writer for daytime soaps would consider it to be over the top.
