Think of this as a public service: people are doing terrible wedding fails and you need to be made aware just in case the person you thought you’d love forever suggests them, so you can flee.
See, marriage is an opt-in system which is a) on the decline, b) attracting an older demographic and c) slightly less likely to end with a split than at any time since the Whitlam government brought in no-fault divorce. Hey, stats are fun!
And maybe because of this people are clearly trying to enliven their weddings with trends which can be best described as “terrible, terrible ideas”.
For example:
Gendered Wedding Meals!
Mumsenet.uk got all up in their online grills over a couple who had made his’n’hers menus at their wedding: dudes were served mushroom risotto, roast beef and a chocolate bomb, and dames got a prawn risotto, chicken and a strawberry cheesecake.
And… why? For a start, there’s no vego option there much less vegan and HOW DO YOU EVEN?
Anyway, this led to a cascade of people explaining their own experience with being given chicken for not having a dick and it’s seemingly a thing.
So don’t do that.
Swearing Wedding Invites!
Nothing screams “this ain’t your grandma’s wedding!” like doing heaps of swears in a wedding annoincement. See, swearing is rude and historically rudeness is inappropriate for weddings, but a couple of total edgelords used a bunch of f-bombs on their invites recently and OH CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?
That’s what a couple did and it immediately hit Facebook for the purposes of judging their terrible etiquette instead of the fact that they’re apparently 14 and showing their mum that they’re not the boss of them.
And then there are more stylistic wedding fails…
Wedding Crocs!
Just to be clear, this is the shoe. If you’re getting married in the Top End then it’s entirely appropriate to be married by an officially-ordained crocodile. That’s just how Darwin rolls.
However, bridal crocs on the foot-place are the work of Satan. Crocs at a wedding, no matter how fancy, really scream “here’s hoping this marriage sticks but I’m not throwing good money after bad again”.
In any case, can’t we bring back the quiet dignity of Terrible Photoshop for weddings? Mmm, that’s some good weddinging.
