A new year means hangover-induced anxiety, broken resolutions and rather empty looking bank accounts, but it also means a whole new bevy of food trends – or “hacks” as they’re now being called – that we definitely didn’t ask for.
The frontrunner so far is clear – it’s the godawful deconstructed/DIY food hack ‘board.’
No, I’m not talking about a board of carefully curated artisanal cheeses, fruits and meats – because those are utterly delightful and you’d have to be satan not to enjoy that.
I’m talking about a board covered in food – or more specifically, ingredients – for people to construct and consume themselves.
Right in time for Christmas last year the dreaded ‘pavlova grazing board’ hack was doing the rounds on social media and I turned a blind eye. After all, not everyone wants a huge slice of pav – sometimes a bite is all you need.
However, that food board hack just the tip of the iceberg.
As 2020 rolled around the board became more and more ridiculous and now our social media feeds are full of things like DIY ‘pancake platters,’ or even worse, ‘fries boards.’
FRIES BOARD!?
Serious question: what is the difference between eating different fries with different dipping sauces, and eating them off a board!? Do people realise that throwing food on a board doesn’t make it special or unique?
Another thing: why are these serving techniques, and other simple actions suddenly categorised as “hacks”? Is it really that much of a ‘work-around’ to throw your food onto a board instead of a plate or a bowl?
Just when I thought I’d seen it all, a colleague alerted me to the ‘deconstructed vegemite on toast’ which is literally a slice of sourdough, a blob of butter and a poo-like smear of Vegemite on a little wooden board.
As unnecessarily fired up as this has made me, there is some comic relief. Another colleague sent me a link to a truly fantastic Twitter account called @WeWantPlates. It’s an account that describes itself as “a global crusade against serving food on bits of wood and roof slates, chips in mugs and jam-jar drinks,” and honestly – it’s equal amounts terrifying and hilarious.
Whatever happened to the humble plate? I, for one, miss plates and I’d really like them to make a comeback in 2020.
Sure, displaying your yummy ingredients on a board looks pretty and might make for a likeable Instagram photo but I think we’ve got to draw the line somewhere.
BRING BACK PLATES IN 2020. Rant over.