I am a fast walker which means I’m easily and inherently frustrated by slow walkers.
Especially people who walk slow for no apparent reason. If they’re talking to a friend or distracted by their crying toddler or trying to rummage for something in their bag, I can half forgive them.
If they’re on their phone, however, I will never forgive them. That’s just irritating and selfish and the damn worst.
The thing I hate most about slow walkers isn’t the fact that they walk slow, it’s their total lack of awareness. If you want to stroll, or are too old to pick up the pace or whatever reason, that’s fine. So fine. I’m totally chill about it. But at least show some awareness for us fellow citizens whose pace is faster than yours.
Some places in the UK, like Liverpool, have opened fast waking lanes to combat this problem. But we live in Australia, i.e. the land where tax takes precedence over all other citizen concerns. So fast walking lanes are definitely not on the horizon.
But I do have a proposal: road rules for footpaths.
Make it illegal for people to walk and text. Just like we have to pull over to use our phone in the car, people should have to step to the side if they want to use their phone while walking.
Implement safety measures. For example, people should check to their left and right regularly when moving in crowds to avoid cutting off someone in a hurry or ramming into someone they didn’t see because they’re in a hurry.
If people are walking in a group, they should walk in rows of two. Like we used to in primary school (holding hands is optional). This will minimise the space they take up on the footpath and allow other people/groups to pass with ease.
When walking through ticketing gates at stations or public events, people should have their ticket ready to scan. Anyone who gets to the front without a prepared ticket should be sent to the back of the line.
Finally, create a lane just for slow walkers. Australia is basically a mirror image of the UK yet the one thing we managed to not copy from them was the thing that would make our daily lives easier.
I don’t care if you think it’s an excessive measure or if the government insists it’s a waste of money – dawdlers are the devil and my sanity is at stake here.
The likelihood of these footpath rules coming into effect is zero to none so, rather than live in total denial, I’m just going to beg: for the love of all things speedy and holy, please, please, please walk at my pace or get out of my way.