Bleats

This Gorgeous Graph Will Tell You Whether You Are Too Old To Date Leonardo DiCaprio

He gets older, they stay the same age.

Leonardo DiCaprio dates models. It’s a Thing.

It is such an established Thing that Tina Fey made a perfect, instant-classic joke about it when she and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes in 2013.

The most iconic pairing is possibly Leo and Gisele. Their five-year relationship, which lasted from 1999 to 2004, may well have been the first time your pre-teen self truly understood that you would never date Leo.

Mostly because you would never actually have a chance to be in the same room as him, let alone start a conversation, but also because you must be this hot to ride:

But then they broke up not long after her 25th birthday, and you thought: hey, maybe now I’m in with a shot!

…and then he started dating Bar Refaeli.

And that relationship ended when she was 24… and he started dating Blake Lively, then 23.

See a pattern here?

Reddit user u/TrustLittleBrother did. And he’s made a graph that shows in stark, though beautifully designed, detail that Leo is apparently incapable of dating anyone who is not a) a model (or Blake Lively) who is b) aged 25 or under.

(See the original post here.)

He’s now 44, and dating model Camila Morrone – who was a six-month-old baby when Titanic was released in December 1997.

Leo’s a smart dude who’s worth a lot of money and does an enormous amount of philanthropic work, and he’s also far from the first powerful man to have a preference for beautiful women half his age – all of whom are probably also intelligent, funny and kind as well as having perfect, valuable faces.

If he’s happy, who’s to judge?

 

But if you were born in 1995 and still holding out hope, better get on it soon.

You Should Set Up Your Friends, So Here’s How To Do It Nicely

How to Parent Trap your mates like a damn grownup.

You like your friends, right? So why wouldn’t they like each other?

OK, lots of reasons. Anyone who’s ever had an awkward moment at a pub hang knows that just because you click with two different mates, doesn’t mean they’ll click with each other.

But setups are still a great way of bypassing fate and making sure two awesome people meet each other to see what happens. It’s famously how Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, two very busy and well-known people who lived in different countries, were able to, well, see what happened.

When you find yourself talking about the same 80s cult movie or social justice issue with two different friends on two separate occasions, you might get a little little lightbulb moment and open your mouth to ask “Hey, have you met my friend Alex?”

Here’s how you do it without ruining two friendships.

 

Suss it out subtly…

You can ask straight out if they know the person, or you can be sneaky and check to see if they’re Facebook friends, or if they have mutual friends. (Here’s how you do that – it’s super simple.)

Asking them straight out is best, especially if you think they’ll be open to a setup at all – and it’s the best way to make sure they haven’t already met and written each other off as potential paramours.

Then be clear (or don’t)

Check that they’d be open to a straight-up setup before you get the ball rolling. That’s just polite. Tell them you’re going to set them up for a drink if they’re keen, and go from there. No pressure.

With some friends, of course, you need to chuck a sneaky and just invite them to the same gig or party, and then do the intro and hope something sparks. If it does, you can claim credit later; if they hate each other, nobody knows you suck at matchmaking.

 

Do your homework

If you’re reasonably close with these friends then you probably know enough to think they really would get on – and they’re not going to arrive at the date only to find out that they’re politically incompatible, too vegan or not vegan enough, or, disastrously, both tops.

You should know what they’re after in terms of relationships as well. You don’t want to set up your friend who just needs to get laid with your clucky mate who’s trying on the fast track to a white picket fence.

 

Don’t make it sound like a favour

If it’s good enough for Meghan and Harry, a setup is good enough for anyone. It’s not a gesture you’re making out of pity or charity!

Don’t just set up your friend(s) because they need it. Only do this if the idea is just too perfect not to have a go.


But, y’know, do make it sound like a favour

You should be enthusiastic about this person! Channel the fury you felt last time this friend got dumped, where you accidentally flung wine on the pub wall gesturing wildly about how nobody is good enough for her.


Be real about your history

Is this person an ex or an old flame of any kind? Be upfront, or regret it when it eventually comes out – you have to frame it honestly or it’ll sound like you’re giving your mate your hand-me-down sex buddy.

Possibly the most important thing to establish is that you don’t want to bone this person – at all, or any more. You can absolutely be friends with someone very attractive and not want to have sex with them for any reason, but it helps to make this clear.

(The “why” can be a bit more awkward, because it can seem like you’re establishing a standard for yourself that you don’t expect your friend to hold – so if you must explain what the boner killer is for you and why it might not be a dealbreaker for your friend, do it carefully.)

And if you do want to bang either of these friends – not just in a “Oh yeah, I’d go there” way, but you actively desire for their junk to be on or in or around your junk – then shut this impulse down right now. You are trying to Cyrano them. Stop that, grow a spine and deal with it.

 

Do the legwork for them

Unless they want to get in touch directly first, be a little fairy godmother: ask them which nights or afternoons they’re free in the next fortnight, pick the earliest one you can, and tell them where and when to meet (and how nicely to dress).

Nothing takes the romance out of the date-anticipation like having to go back and forth for ages trying to lock down a time. Do that for them, and it will all feel a bit more adventurous.

And then maybe you can start practicing your best man/woman speech.

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