Bleats

Two Rich Guys Are Publicly Arguing Over Kylie Jenner's Billionaire Status

It's serious, everyone, we're one "your mama" joke from a full-blown playground fight.

Describing Piers Morgan as an insufferable moron is like saying that the sun rises and sets everyday – it’s just a fact.

After a brief but glorious period where he didn’t say anything, Morgan has reared his ugly head up over a pretty unexpected target: Kylie Jenner.

You see after Kylie was named the youngest self-made billionaire by Forbes, Morgan had some opinions about that announcement and decided to share it onto Twitter.

Wow, a joke about Kim Kardashian‘s sex tape. So original, Morgan. It’s not like anyone else has made that joke. Ever.

Unsurprisingly, Morgan’s comment attracted attention like metal to magnets and Liam Payne, someone who has had beef with the bloke in the past, stepped up to defend Kylie.

The former One Directioner took to Twitter to clap back at Morgan, accusing the attention-seeking moron of talking “s**t” to get attention.

Showing that he has the comeback skills of a primary school kid, Morgan replied to Liam by doubling down on the Kim K sex tape insult before correcting the former One Directioner’s grammar.

Things got even dumber as Liam, who could’ve taken the high road here, decided to sink down close to Morgan’s level by calling his nemesis “irrelevant”.

And because he had to get the last word in, Morgan returned fire with his version of the “no I’m not, you are!” insult.

Two rich guys with too much time on their hands arguing over a woman’s success because of she’s being acknowledged of said success.

This stupid feud basically encapsulates one of the many things that’s currently wrong with the world in 2019.

Look, there’s only one way to settle this Piers/Liam argument once and for all: Taking it to the gym after school and duking it out with fisticuffs, after which the loser gets a swirly.

As for Kylie, she’s yet to comment on this ridiculous feud, presumably from being too busy running her billion-dollar empire to worry about small-time peeps like Piers Morgan.

We’ve Hit Peak Mansplaining With This Guy Telling Women How Many Tampons They Need

The misplaced confidence of this bloke is actually quite impressive.

We’re only a few months into 2019 but it looks like we have an early favourite for mansplainer of the year.

Picking up from the dumpster fire that was 2018, a bloke with a supreme amount of misplaced confidence is going viral on Twitter for mansplaining how menstruation works to women.

Usually people like this use shovels to dig their own grave but this chap went straight for an excavator.

The unnamed guy was on the PinkNews Facebook page when he decided to “educate” all the women there about how to affordably manage their periods using some math and his top-notch brain. After someone shared a screengrab of his wildly dumb comment and shared it on Twitter, it started going blowing up.

Best prepare yourselves because this chap’s logic will make your eyes water.

“So, the average period is 10 to 35ml of blood, each tampon holds about 5ml, so seven tampons per cycle. Lets be generous and say 10 for those ladies with an extra-juicy uterine lining. Nine periods a year equals 90 tampons max.

“You can get a 64 pack on amazon for £7.90 plus shipping. Buy two packs, save on shipping and have 128 tampons for the year, that’s about £20 here or there for a years’ periods.”

And since he was on a roll, he decided to finish his little explainer with this gem:

“Cut down on your Starbucks venti frapps and stop whining. This isn’t a first world problem.”

Oh honey.

His math is technically correct (well, mostly), but everything else is so wide off the mark that you might pick up an injury trying to navigate through the guy’s mental gymnastics.

Needless to say, the women on Twitter had an absolute field day dogpiling on the bloke, who 100% deserved everything he got.

After conferring with the women in my office, we all concurred that the guy is a complete moron whose intelligence rivals Jon Snow’s.

They also told me a lot of stuff about  women’s periods, all of which I hope the guy reads because maybe he’ll learn something:

  • Some never get a period
  • Some have irregular periods
  • Some have a light cycle while others have such heavy cycles that are dangerous for blood loss
  • Tampons are not a magical cure-all; different amounts of sanitary equipment is needed to accommodate varying flows
  • In short, every woman is different thus every period cycle is different

I almost wish the guy would’ve stuck to his guns and kept digging because he probably would’ve discovered Atlantis and the grave of Genghis Khan at the rate he was going.

The World’s Biggest Car Brand Wouldn’t Exist Without This Pioneering Woman

Just taking the first ever engine-powered car for the first ever long-distance journey, no biggie.

Since Mercedes-Benz’s humble beginnings back in 1886 when the first engine-powered car was invented by Karl Benz, it has been consistently ranked as the world’s most valuable car brand, built up one of the most successful Formula 1 teams of all-time, and its cars are the most likely to elicit an obnoxious “POWWWAH” from renowned car nut Jeremy Clarkson.

But all of this mind-boggling success wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for the pioneering efforts of Karl’s wife and your new hero, Bertha Benz.

Just a little history made, no biggie.

When Karl built the first engine-powered car in 1886, he had little confidence that his invention would work. Without telling him or the authorities, Bertha decided to take the car out for a spin because she believed in the paradigm-changing possibilities of his work, not to mention the publicity would likely yield a good return on her investment in the project since she spent her dowry on it.

What unfolded next was a historical journey with big ramifications.

Bertha and her two teenage sons took off in the car in August 1888 with the intention of visiting her mother some 106km away, becoming the first ever person to undergo a long-distance cross-country automobile journey.

Bertha’s first words after setting off on her journey (unverified).

As expected from a prototype car that’s never been driven long distances before, Karl’s vehicle suffered several problems, all of which were solved by Bertha.

The list of problems encountered and fixed by Bertha honestly reads like something out of MacGyver:

  • After running out of fuel, she dropped by the town chemist to buy the ingredient needed to power the car’s engine, inadvertently turning the chemist into the world’s first petrol station.
  • She fixed a blocked fuel line with a hat pin and used her garter as insulation material.
  • When the wooden brakes began to fail, she assisted the help of a cobbler to install leather brakes, thus creating the world’s first brake pads.
  • She and her sons had to fill up the car with water every time they stopped as it overheated very quickly.
  • The car struggled to go up hills so she got her sons to push. Okay, this one doesn’t really count but it is amusing so it makes the list.

In addition to overcoming various technical problems, Bertha had to endure a significant amount of skepticism from onlookers as no one has ever seen a car before in 1888 and seeing one being driven by a woman was akin to seeing a witch riding a unicorn.

All in all, it took Bertha and her sons about 12 hours to travel the 106km distance to her mother’s house, after which she then sent Karl a telegram about her successful little journey. She made another successful drive back three days later.

This is a undoubtedly a momentous moment in car history and Mercedes-Benz has decided to commemorate it be releasing two brilliant short films depicting Bertha’s journey, the hurdles she had to face, and the sexism she endured on her drive.

The first is on the Mercedes-Benz website and the second you can watch right here:

Not only did Bertha’s drive achieve the publicity she intended and thus paving the way for Mercedes-Benz’ future success, her technical ingenuity and feedback on the journey helped shape the way future cars were built and made engineers realise the importance of test drives.

Bertha’s strength and belief in the face of adversity was probably best described by Karl, who wrote in his memoirs, “Only one person stood by me during those times when I was heading towards the abyss. That was my wife. It was her courage that enabled me to find new hope.”

Welp, I just found my new hero.

So if there are any studios or streaming services out there looking to make a movie or TV series on a historical figure, Bertha Benz and her journey is more than deserving of your attention.

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