Bleats

Kristen Stewart's Honest Twilight Confession Is Probably Not What Twi-Hards Want To Hear

But let's be honest, what did we expect Kristen Stewart to say about that crazy period of her life?

It’s probably an understatement to say that the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson Twilight period from 2008 to 2012 was mindboggingly insane.

Those were some intense years for the two stars and enough time has passed for the pair to look back on that period with rose-tinted glasses – *checks notes* – oh wait, sorry, I meant measured pragmatism.

Breaking down her biggest career roles to Vanity Fair, Kristen says that she had absolutely no idea how big Twilight was when she was cast as Bella Swan until she saw firsthand how crazy the fans were at Comic-Con.

But perhaps the most telling bit was her recollection of that period and what she took away from it:

“It was weird for me to all of a sudden be asked the question, like, ‘okay, well, now that we’re here, how do we do this right? How do we capitalise on this, basically?

“Suddenly the chance to kind of, like, kick back and go, well, the best experiences I’ve had on any project of any kind has been when you’re naturally and instinctively drawn to a person. And there’s something that you’re both thinking about or meditating on that becomes obsessive and compulsive, and you make a movie. And that’s all I know.”

“And so at that point I was allowed to pick weird things that nobody believed in because I made a big movie once.”

Reading between the lines, it appears that the Twilight series was nothing more than a stepping stone for her career and not the unforgettable role that brought her untold mounds of happiness, adoration, and and creative satisfaction.

This probably isn’t what Twi-hards may want to hear, especially after Robert’s own Twilight confession. But let’s be honest, did we expect anything else from Kristen given how intense that period was?

She tells Vanity Fair that doing “weird” stuff was her “chance” to finally not be the “girl from Twilight”, saying how that period was especially frustrating as she “didn’t leap willingly into being the centre of attention” and how that may have come across as being an “a*****e” to some people when in reality she just wanted people to like her.

But while she’s understandably hesitant to say too much about those Twilight years (to the disappointment of many Twi-hards I’m sure), it all worked out well for Kristen because she’s since emerged as a critical indie film darling who’s pumped out some seriously great, if underappreciated, work.

With a return to the Hollywood mainstream on the cards with Charlie’s Angels, something that she’s clearly far more passionate about than vampires and werewolves, there’s little doubt that she’ll be welcomed back is “Kristen Stewart” rather than the “girl from Twilight” and it’s all because she “did a big movie once.”

Excuse Me, Since When Was Dora The Explorer Here For Your Creepy Thirst?

Never thought we'd see "throbbing" and "hormonal" used to describe Dora the Explorer.

When you think of Dora the Explorer, the things that come to mind are usually in the ballpark of “cute”, “cartoony” or “why is she exploring and not in school?”

But for a certain film critic over at The Hollywood Reporter who reviewed the live-action film adaptation, Dora and the Lost City of Gold, it seems like they’ve either watched a completely different film or a porn parody because their review is both thirty and creepy as hell.

For the record, I’m a big fan of this reviewer’s work (who shall remain nameless in this article) and think their film reviews are the bee’s knees. But they’ve wandered into “creepy weirdo” territory with their Lost City of Gold review, which contains a number of ill-fitting references to the birds and the bees.

The review starts off relatively drama-free until we get to a certain bit about Dora, who is described as 16 years old and played by the “the earnestly conscientious, rather mature and nothing if not lively Isabela Moner,” who herself is described “18 and looks it despite preventative measures.”

Yeah, nothing creepy and cringy about that description since Isabela was only around 16-17 when she filmed the movie.

Things only get worse as the reviewer points out how all of the actors are undeniably older than their characters before going into gratuitous, borderline thirsty detail about it.

They describe the film’s tonal disconnect as something you can’t not notice “between the essentially innocent, borderline-pubescent nature of the leading characters and the film itself, and the more confident and mature vibes emanating from the leading actors,” and pointed out the director’s efforts in “trying to keep the hormones at bay” but failing since it seems like the actors are one googly eyes moment from everything going down the route of a porno.

And as a cherry on top of all this, the reviewer wraps everything up by declaring Lost City of Gold as “committed to projecting a pre-sexualized version of youth, while throbbing unacknowledged beneath the surface is something a bit more real, its presence rigorously ignored.

Good god, dude.

Never thought I would see the words “hormones” and “throbbing” in a Dora the Explorer review.

The only reaction.

For a film that’s clearly aimed at children, the reviewer definitely didn’t think of the children when they wrote this “review” and there’s no objective way I can possibly defend this monstrosity without getting locked up in jail.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a long, cold shower to wash away the unsavoury feeling that this Dora the Explorer “review” has left me with. If you really, really want to read the whole thing, you can do it here but I suggest you just avoid it unless you want to feel gross for the rest of the day.

Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill And Many Others Owe Their Fame To Judd Apatow's Revenge

Judd Apatow found Seth Rogen and his buddies but pettiness made them into who they are now.

Of the many TV shows that were cancelled too early, Freaks and Geeks is one that hurts the most. Created by Judd Apatow and Paul Feig for NBC, and starring fresh faced unknowns like Seth Rogen, Lina Cardellini, James Franco, and Jason Segel, it was agonisingly cut short after one season of brutally honest yet funny high school shenanigans.

Everyone on that show has since become huge stars in their own right and have been in some massive blockbusters, but the seeds of their eventual rise to fame were all planted early on by Judd.

Not because he likes them or anything (though that is one part of it) but because he was out for pure revenge on NBC.

You want your revenge served cold or freezing?

Speaking at the 2014 PaleyFest, Apatow admitted that everything he’s done in his career was “revenge for the people who canceled Freaks and Geeks.” While this may seem like a bit of a joke, there’s some merit to it.

Judd’s first big hit was 40 Year Old Virgin and he has since parlayed that success into making the careers of his Freaks and Geeks cast. His follow up film to Virgin was Knocked Up, which starred Seth alongside a heap of other Freaks and Geeks cast members and their buddies, and it was an even bigger hit than Virgin.

In fact, all of the films directed by Judd have had at least one Freaks and Geeks cast member in it in some capacity, which is definitely not a coincidence.

…Is it because I like Coldplay?

Beyond his own films, Judd also used his producing power to get films by his Freaks and Geeks cast made that would’ve otherwise been thrown in the trash by other studios.

There was Seth’s Superbad (which starred launched the career of his buddy Jonah Hill) and Pineapple Express (which revitalised James Franco’s career), Jason’s Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Paul’s Bridesmaids. One gets the feeling that Judd couldn’t care less if all these films flopped, just as long as the NBC suit who cancelled Freaks and Geeks was brought to tears.

Judd ultimately won (and is still winning) his super-petty rampage of revenge because not only did all those aforementioned movies become smash hits but nearly all of his Freaks and Geeks cast are huge stars because of it. Hell, Seth is in The Lion King, Linda is in Dead To Me, and Jonah has two frigging Oscar nominations. That’s some good revenging right there.

So next time you see watch a Seth Rogen or Jonah Hill film, just know that this was all possible because Judd Apatow just wanted to make the NBC executive who cancelled his TV show cry.

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