If you’ve ever lamented that dating apps seem to have gameified dating then it’s possible that the world of dating sims – in which one pretends to be dating a pile of virtual datesmen on dates – is either just what you’ve been looking for or the stuff of your most animated nightmares.
This is especially true if you’ve ever looked at the mascot of KFC and thought “mmmm, he’s hot AND spicy!” Because now he’s available, it would appear, and also Colonel Sanders is now a total thirst trap.
Like all great art, this raises more questions than it answers. And all of those questions are “…the hell?”
Dating sims are starting to make inroads into the English-speaking market but they and the whole otome romance game genre are still largely a Japanese phenomenon.
And a very particular one at that: as EJ Dickson wrote for Daily Dot, the ones available in the west have a very idiosyncratic take on this whole relationship business: “When you play these games, you sort of get the sense they were authored by a 14-year-old girl who regularly writes steamy Divergent fan fiction, but has never actually talked to a boy in her life.”
And it does seem a little peculiar to promote a snack brand through the medium of convincing people to want to smooch their mascot. But that’s legitimately what is happening as the desktop game I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator comes to Steam on September 24 for everyone that’s ever wanted to compete to be the top fried chicken salesperson and also find salty, bread-coated love.
But this is secondary to the larger issue which is “how the hell is Colonel Sanders so hott?”
I mean, just look at him: a strange amalgam of silver fox and tween heartthrob, making sort of on-brand karage chicken bowl and boldly riding a giant space-borne pepper pot. There’s a lot to take in.
But there you have it: Colonel Sanders is officially now a thing after which you can thirst.
Ball’s in your court, McDonalds. Clearly the world needs Sexy Grimace.