Bleats

Never Forget: Justin Bieber Is The Reason Your Parents Denied You A Pet

Maybe don't leave your pets around him for too long.

One of the things that I (and basically everyone) most wanted as a kid was a puppy. But despite promising I’ll take good care of it, my parents refused every single request and young me could never figure out why.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can see why they refused to get me a doggo. Had they caved in, I would’ve sunk to Justin Bieber-esque levels of being an awful pet owner.

The amount of stress in those dogs’ eyes is worrying.

Over the last few years, Biebs has had a bunch of pets and proceeded to demonstrate why you don’t give a man child the responsibility of taking care of another living thing.

Seriously, let’s just go through his track record and weep at all the poor doggos and snakes that have been traumatised by him.

Johnson the snake

Biebs decided to buy a boa constrictor in 2011 and even decided to bring the slithering serpent with him to that year’s MTV VMA red carpet for some reason which we’ve yet to figure out. But apparently boa constrictors don’t make good award show plus ones or fashion accessories because Biebs auctioned Johnson off for charity not long after.

Pac the hamster

After getting himself an adorable little hamster and promising to bring it to every meet and greet on his 2012 tour, Biebs decided that it wasn’t worth the effort and gave ol’ Pac away to a screaming fan a few months later.

To be fair, the fan did take good care of Pac until it died in 2014.

Mally the monkey

Perhaps the most famous pet Biebs has ever owned, the singer got the monkey in 2013 for more reasons we’ve yet to figure out.

Not only did he get it from a dubious source but Biebs decided to later abandon poor Mally in Germany after customs caught him trying to sneak the monkey through because he didn’t have the required paperwork. After not bothering to retrieve Mally, the monkey was given to a zoo to live out its days.

But it appears his days as Biebs’ pet was traumatising because it is reported that Mally struggled to integrate into the zoo and had some serious behavioural issues.

No monkeys were harmed in the making of this gif.

Karma the bulldog

After abandoning his monkey, Biebs decided to fill that hole by getting Karma. But things went pear-shaped pretty quickly as Justin decided to give the pup to his dad, who proceeded to lob it out of a window during a fit of rage. After surviving that window toss, Karma was palmed off to a dog trainer to get all socialised up. When Jeremy went to retrieve Karma, the trainer refused to return the pup because they knew it wasn’t going to end well.

Looks like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in the Bieber family when it comes to pets, does it?

Todd the chow chow

Proving that he won’t learn from his mistakes, Biebs got an absolutely adorable chow chow pup in 2016 but decided to give him to a back up dancer a few months later because it’s pretty standard behaviour for the singer at this point.

While getting Todd out of Biebs’ clutches is a good thing, the poor pup needed expensive surgery and its new owner had to start a GoFundMe to pay for it. Luckily, the $8,000 goal was met thanks to 90 generous donors – which includes Jaden Smith – but unsurprisingly, Biebs wasn’t among those 90 donors.

Never Forget: A Marvel Star Once Flogged Phone Sex To Lonely Singles In Your Area

Gotta pay the bills before becoming an Avenger.

Before the roster of Marvel superstars got to where they were now, all of them had to go through periods where they took on questionable jobs.

Chris Hemsworth cleaned breast pumps before getting on shows like Home & Away, Paul Rudd starred in some crazy Hong Kong action movie where he butchered Cantonese as a language, and Chris Evans was the hunky face of a cringy 90s board game.

But those hold no candle to what Evangeline Lilly did early in her career. Before suiting up as the Wasp, she was – *drum roll* – flogging phone sex to lonely singles in your area.

Wait what?

Evangeline was doing a bunch of ads and small TV bits before she made it big on Lost. One of those ads was for a service called Live Links, which is basically a phone sex line for all those local singles in your area.

If that all sounds cringy, well you’d be more than right. Between the forced smiles, awful dialogue and scenes where she’s definitely, absolutely enjoying speaking to some lonely single person on the phone, the 2003 ad is simply terrible in the best way possible.

Look, when you’re a struggling actor who’s struggling to pay the bills, you’re in no position to be picky with jobs.

And besides, you gotta put food on the table before the Avengers come calling, even if it means getting paid to be in a cheesy phone sex ad.

Paul Rudd And Jennifer Aniston Are The Tip Of The Rumoured Celeb Couple Iceberg We Forgot About

Wonder if Phoebe knows.

You learn a lot of new things everyday when you trawl the internet as part of your job. Apparently the original version of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy involved plane crashes and killer orangutans. Go figure.

Anyway, the latest thing to catch my attention is the rumour that Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston were a couple back in the day. Yeah, I was surprised too.

Before Paul became Phoebe’s squeeze on Friends, he and Jennifer starred together in the 1998 romcom The Object of my Affection. Rumour has it that the pair grew close during the filming of that movie and dated for a bit. Is there truth to this rumour or is it something people made up?

Naturally I had to investigate this further because it just seems so unexpected and yet it also kind of makes sense on paper. After some digging around, I discovered that Paul and Jennifer were both already in relationships when they filmed The Object of my Affection, just not with each other.

Sorry to disappoint.

Jennifer was apparently dating Tate Donovan while Paul was with his now-wife Julie Yaeger and has been since 1995. Just to put a kibosh on the rumour that the pair were an item, Gossip Cop reached out to Jennifer’s rep about the rumour and got a polite “no they did not date”.

There you go, Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston did not in fact date in the 90s. I’m actually kind of disappointed about this because the rumour originally blew my mind and I had a bunch of Friends jokes lined up that I had to scrap.

Just a little.

I’m willing to bet that this is something Paul and Jennifer laugh over whenever they find themselves working on projects together. We’ll probably never know the truth but hey, this whole rumour thing was a fun ride while it lasted.

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