In the lead up to the release of his memoir, Over the Top, Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness is going public about his HIV-positive status as well as his past drug use, sex addiction and being sexually abused as a child.
Speaking with the New York Times, JVN revealed he had been having nightmares for the last three months because he was so “scared to be this vulnerable with people”.
The reality star revealed how difficult it is for him to be as open as he wants to be when there are certain things that he hasn’t publicly discussed yet.
Van Ness told the publication about how when he was a young kid, an older boy from church abused him in what was meant to be a make-believe play session.
“For a lot of people who are survivors of sexual assault at a young age, we have a lot of compounded trauma,” he said.
He was bullied at school and other students spread rumours about him and another closeted boy from his swim class, “I was too fat, too femme, too loud and too unlovable.”
This lack of self-esteem lead to self-destructive behaviours as Van Ness grew up. In his early teens, he would log in to AOL chat rooms and meet up with older men for sex.
After leaving his hometown, he attended the University of Arizona and during his first semester, he spent his entire monthly allowance of $200 on cocaine. Rather than ask for more money, he advertised sex for money on chat sites.
He left college at 19 and enrolled in a beautician program, later moving to Los Angeles where his sex and drug addictions got worse.
Van Ness began smoking methamphetamine and went to rehab twice, relapsing both times.
After fainting one day while at work, he went to Planned Parenthood with flulike symptoms and found out he’d tested positive for H.I.V.
In the book, he wrote, “That day was just as devastating as you would think it would be.”
Today, he still drinks and smokes marijuana, but hasn’t done hard drugs in years.
JVN told the NYT that he hopes in his book he can bring attention to the misperceptions about being H.I.V. positive, calling himself an out-and-proud “member of the beautiful H.I.V.-positive community”.
“When Queer Eye came out, it was really difficult because I was like, ‘Do I want to talk about my status?’” he said.
“And then I was like, ‘The Trump administration has done everything they can do to have the stigmatisation of the L.G.B.T. community thrive around me.’”
He added, “I do feel the need to talk about this.”
Jonathan went on to say, “These are all difficult subjects to talk about on a makeover show about hair and makeup,” he said.
“That doesn’t mean Queer Eye is less valid, but I want people to realise you’re never too broken to be fixed.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual or drug abuse, there is help out there. Contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24-hour crisis support.
You can learn more about H.I.V. here.