Jonathan Van Ness made the brave decision to go public with his HIV positive status during an interview with the New York Times ahead of the release of his memoir Over the Top where he tells the story in greater detail.
In the interview, the Queer Eye star also revealed his past drug use, sex addiction and the fact he was sexually abused when he was just four years old.
Now, in a new chat with The Guardian’s Observer Sunday, Van Ness revealed that on the day he was given the news he was HIV-positive, he asked his doctor if he would grow old and she laughed at him.
“She was, like, ‘I will keep you alive long enough to die of a heart attack or cancer like everyone else,’ and then she laughed uncontrollably,” he said.
He went on to say that he wants to use his experience “to move the conversation forward in a meaningful way around HIV/Aids”.
“It occurred to me: what if everything I’ve ever been through was preparing me for this moment – to be strong enough to share this, and to share it on my own terms.”
“Part of that for me is to process what’s happened, but the bigger part is that I wanted to do something to move the conversation forward in a meaningful way around HIV/Aids, and what it is to live with HIV, and to humanise and normalise a lot of the things I talk about.”
He explained that growing up he always thought he was meant to help others like himself, but he didn’t think it would happen by being himself on an insanely popular makeover show, “I always felt that was part of my purpose… But I thought it would be a really chic juice studio with great baked goods, maybe a dance and yoga studio.”
After finding out about his HIV status, Van Ness decided he didn’t want to continue throwing away his life. At that point he’d been to rehab for addiction and relapsed twice.
“It really took some time to figure out how to put my life together,” he said.
Medical advancements mean the virus is now undetectable in his blood.
When asked if he’s making time for relationships at the moment, the TV star shook his head.
“In the past, I’ve had relationships with people who I was almost using to validate myself and my existence, and that’s not been a great plan for me.”
“So, this is a season of me falling in love with myself all the way,” he added.
Van Ness explained that the diagnosis is very important to him because now he can make a difference.
“I absolutely do not think I’d have been as socially aware or conscious or want to make as much of a difference,” he says. “It gave me a reason to really fight.”
Van Ness writes in the book about how excited fans get when they see him on the street, saying he often wonders, “Would you still be so excited to meet me if you really knew who I was? If you knew all the things I’d done? If you could see all my parts?”
“If you knew all of me, you wouldn’t love me anymore. You would no longer want me as your new best friend.”
I think the fan reaction to his story proves how loved he is:
Thank you JVN for changing the conversation around these topics!