Bleats

The Good Place's Jameela Jamil Is Fighting Instagram Influencers' Skinny-Tea BS With Poop Jokes

"It burns."

On The Good Place, Jameela Jamil plays “a hot, rich fraud with legs for days” and more famous “friends” than Anna Wintour.

In real life, Jamil is a former TV presenter, in recovery from an eating disorder, and currently the world’s premier ranter about unhealthy body image and the celebrities who fuel it.

She went viral with an on-point rant about the Kardashian-Jenners and their paid fondness for appetite-suppressing lollipops earlier this year, and again this week for railing against the “flat tummy” teas and shakes constantly being flogged on Instagram by famous women.

Specifically, she said she hopes those women “shit their pants in public”.

And now she’s recorded her own #ad for a deliciously “chunky” diet drink with one major side effect:

The incredibly graphic diarrhoea noises really make it.

The poop jokes really are the best way to get her point across – not only is she basically correct that that’s how these products “de-bloat”, but it really helps to de-glamourise the neat advertorials that clog up your feed.

She’s backing it all up with her “I WEIGH” campaign on Instagram, which encourages women to value themselves for anything but the numbers on the scale.

I am very tired of irresponsible diet product marketing, but I will never get tired of watching our favourite “hot, mean giraffe” talk about poo.

Cardi B Will Perform At Coachella Five Months Pregnant, Your All-Male All-Time Best Rappers List Is Invalid

She’s absolutely going to have some verses about childbirth on her next album and it’s going to be the hardest thing ever.

From smashing Billboard chart records that have stood since she was in kindergarten to smashing her debut album out of the park, Cardi B is absolutely killing it right now.

And over the weekend she topped off a brilliant last few weeks by being the musical guest on Saturday Night Live… and casually revealing her five-months-pregnant belly a couple of minutes into the first performance.

https://twitter.com/TheEricaAmerica/status/982856996717244416

It’s the kind of incredibly baller move your favourite male rapper could never pull off: “Oh hey, here I am, top of my game, and I’m just going to come out here in my custom Christian Siriano, growing a human on top of it all.”

And this doesn’t undermine the brilliance of her instant-classic incubation-denial from just two months ago: “No bitch I’m just getting fat. Let me fat in peace”.

Let’s be clear: there’s plenty of room for more than one woman to kill it in hip hop at once. Absolutely nobody benefits from pitting women against each other as if there’s only one seat at the table – we can have Nicki and Cardi and Rapsody and Syd and Noname and SZA and Little Simz and DeJ Loaf and Leikeli47 and Stefflon Don and Tink, and Beyoncé and Rihanna can be your new favourite rappers too.

Nobody loses when more women are killing it.

But with that said, it’s worth noting that Cardi is doing something not even Bey could manage: playing Coachella while Pretty Damn Pregnant.

She’ll play the massive California festival on Sunday, one of the biggest names on the lineup alongside Eminem, Migos (meaning she could well bring Offset and the guys on for ‘Drip’), Miguel, and, uh, Vance Joy.

Admittedly there’s a pretty big difference between five months pregnant with one kid and seven months pregnant with twins – which is what Beyonce would have been had she headlined Coachella last year as planned. (She’s making up for dropping out of the 2017 event by playing this year’s festival, as promised.)

But this is still one for the Backwards And In Heels/Gangsta In A Dress files. There’d be vomit more places than just his sweater if Eminem had to try and pull that off.

Cardi and Offset’s kid will have plenty of much cooler claims to fame, but at least they’ll always have a trump card when their whatever-the-2039-version-of-bougie college friends are bragging about how young they were at their first Coachella.

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