You already know that you shouldn’t use your phone on the toilet. Don’t try to pretend that you don’t.
It’s a germ-heavy environment which your grubby fingers are distributing across your already filthy screen. Also, your toilet already disperses microscopic particles of filth all over everything in your bathroom in what is horrifically called a “toilet plume”.
Say, is your toothbrush in the same room as your dunny? Ah.
Anyway: that’s not the biggest issue with checking your phone on the toilet. It’s that you get your pooing wrong – as in, it can go back up.
In a nutshell: being distracted by your phone makes you spend more time on the can, when you should be there for about ten minutes on average.
First up, the position that toilets demand means you’re just dangling your bum over the hole, and that puts pressure on your rectum – and it’s not great for your hips either, or the nerves in your legs.
Combined with that, the unnaturally long strain on your rectum and anus increases your risk of anal fissures and hemorrhoids. You’re welcome!
But the most terrifying bit is it can lead to “reverse peristalsis”, a benign description for “your poo goes back inside you“.
When your brain says “OK, it’s time to poo,” you should plop it out asap. If you’re distracted by Twitter then that urge can pass and… um, the missile leaves the firing tube.
However, when it does that some of the moisture is absorbed by your body so then that matter gets harder and drier, and thus more difficult to expel.
And you can see how that situation can build on itself until oh dear god let’s not think about it.
Anyway, we’re going in with nothing but a stopwatch from here on in. We suggest you do the same.
Not the one on your phone, though. You’ve been warned.