The discovery that mysterious jet-black sarcophagus a couple of weeks ago brought forward a slew of fun from every corner of the internet.
Not only did it get historians and archaeologists frothing, it also shone a light on the long-confirmed fact that Brendan Fraser’s The Mummy is a goddamn masterpiece.
Disappointingly, instead of an ancient curse that will bring about the end of days, that bad boy only housed a few bodies soaked in blood coloured sewage sludge.
But proving that the internet is capable of always one-upping itself for better or worse, thousands of weirdos are now salivating for a sip of that unholy sarcophagus juice.
In what’s certainly the most disgusting Change.org campaigns in recent memory, over 15,000 weirdos have signed a petition titled “Let people drink the red liquid from the dark sarcophagus“.
The petition’s founder, Innes McKendrick, put forward the compelling argument that everyone needs to “drink the red liquid from the cursed dark sarcophagus in the form of some sort of carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die“.
Needless to say, the Egypt’s Antiquity Ministry aren’t particularly keen on people making cocktails out of that red sarcophagus juice and have issued out a statement denying that the “juice for mummies that contains an elixir of life” and clarifying that it is actually nothing more than just sewage water.
Proving that he has the lawyering abilities of Saul Goodman, McKendrick hit back at with a stinging rebuttal on the Change.org page, writing “please stop trying to tell me the skeleton juice is mostly sewage thats [sic] impossible everyone knows skeletons cannot poop“.
Hard to argue with that.
So if you’re on the market for a Monday morning beverage that will imbue you with eternal life and omniscient wisdom while also getting the taste of Saturday night out of your mouth, that unholy sarcophagus cocktail (sadly) isn’t the answer.
Let’s hope drinking that red mummy sludge doesn’t turn into the next tide pod challenge.