Bleats

Influencers Are Unbearable But This Troll On Horny Viewers May Just Win You Over

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into the eyes of trolls or however the saying goes.

Social media influencers are the absolute worst. How could you not be irritated at people who do things like asking for free ice cream because they’re cheap or begging for brands to sponsor you for your meticulously planned “spontaneous” marriage proposal?

But as unbearable as most are, the epic helping of trolling served up by Belle Delphine to her horny viewers deserves our respect.

For those who are unaware, Belle is a popular British cosplayer whose schtick is basically to dress up in NSFW outfits and get paid by people who want photos of her wearing said NSFW outfits.

I had a look through her Instagram (for research purposes for this story) and discovered two things: she has over 3 million followers and this is literally the only photo she’s posted where she’s not in costume or half-naked.

Unsurprisingly, a popular influencer such as Belle has a fair share of creepy horny dudes – and let’s be honest, it’s almost always dudes – trawling her profile. So to give her trolls their just desserts, Belle decided flip their game back on them.

In June, Belle posed a risque Instagram photo and promised to make a Pornhub account if her pic got 1 million likes. Like flies to garbage, horny folks indundated her with nearly 2 million likes in no time and Belle honoured her promise. However, the content fans got wasn’t what they were expecting.

Her first video is titled “Belle Delphine strokes two BIG cocks” and that’s exactly what she does. And by cocks, she means two actual chickens and boy does she pet them well. In another video titled “PEWDIEPIE goes all the way INSIDE Belle Delphine”, she literally eats a picture of Pewdiepie.

You get the general idea.

It sure is.

In fact, all her videos has a bait and switch pun yet people still got fooled every time. The disappointed responses from horny dudes in the comments section are far more entertaining than Belle’s actual videos, which have all received hundreds of thousands of views each.

But hey, people are clicking which means her punny, dickbaity video titles are perfectly on point.

As brilliant as Belle’s Pornhub troll was, she managed to one up herself by adding a new product to her online store for creepy fans to waste their money on.

Going for a low, low price of $53ish Aussie dollars, this new merch item is called “GamerGirl Bath Water” and it’s literally what it says on the label: the left over dregs of what Belle uses to wash herself in the bath.

Despite this whole thing being a gag – complete with a warning that reads “This water is not for drinking and should only be used for sentimental purposes.” – it seems like there are guys desperate enough to fall for it because the product is listed as sold out on Belle’s website.

There are more thirsty people out there than I thought.

It’s definitely clear that Belle is more than aware that she’ll get sexualised for what she does so she might as well take the piss out of it while earning some dosh at the same time.

At the end of the day, it’s a win-win scenario for everyone: horny folks get some used bath water to quench their thirst, Belle gets to make money off crappy dudes, and we all get some big laughs over how absurd this whole scenario is.

YouTubers Jake Paul And Tana Mongeau Getting Engaged Is An Incredibly Smart Business Move

Love is a business transaction, apparently.

When two people get engaged, the usual response is one of happiness and delight that they’ve found each other.

But when those two newly engaged people happen to be irritating online influencers, you’re more likely get a skeptical “huh” as opposed to “congrats!”

After two months of “dating”, YouTuber Jake Paul popped the big question to fellow YouTuber Tana Mongeau before the couple obnoxiously broadcasted the news all over Twitter and Instagram in their usual over-the-top way.

If you’re one of the many people who are skeptical about this whole engagement thing, you’re far from the only one. Paul and Mongeau got popular doing and saying stupid stuff on YouTube, and their whirlwind engagement is the latest in a well-established pattern of idiocy from the pair.

While we can debate all day over the integrity of Paul and Mongeau’s relationship, the one thing you can’t deny about their engagement is how brilliant of a business move it is. It’s certainly a better strategy than telling everyone that you totally didn’t bone and jizz on your cat.

For better or worse, the pair were already among the biggest YouTubers currently operating before they hooked up and their popularity then skyrocketed even further when they got together. Even though they outright said that their relationship is all about “clout”, fans still got suckered into this whole schtick.

Their “couple videos” have amassed over 50 million views across their respective channels, which is more viewers than what the Game of Thrones finale, their social media profile continues to boom, and more subscribers are flooding in daily. Hell, they even started releasing ridiculously overpriced “Jana” merch just in case you weren’t convinced that the couple are in it for the money.

And now that Paul and Mongeau are engaged, those views, merch sales, and subscriber numbers are almost certainly set to soar even higher than they already inexplicably are.

I’m not knocking them for doing what they’re doing, it’s just smart business and it makes perfect sense. Hell, they would’ve been stupid not to do it.

Regardless of what happens to the couple at this point and what you think of them as people, it’s all been a brilliant publicity stunt that’s raked in a heap of attention and money for the pair.

Paul and Mongeau may be idiots of the highest order but they certainly know how to cater to their audience.

This Instagram Influencer's Pitch Begging For Sponsors Will Make Your Resume Look Slick

The amount of desperate energy on show here is actually pretty impressive.

It must be quite the life to be an Instagraminfluencer“. You essentially get paid to document every waking second of your meticulously handcrafted life to your followers while throwing in the occasional shout out to your sponsors.

Who am I to judge what people do to make a living though? All I do is put words into semi-coherent sentences.

But it seems that one influencer may have pushed this a smidge too far when her “surprise” engagement turned out to be nothing more than a carefully planned thing the whole time.

An Instagrammer’s “surprise” engagement not turning out to be legit?

I’m shocked, I say. Shocked.

This influencer in question is “well-placed fashion blogger” and Goop employee, Marissa Casey Fuchs, and the backstory is that she got engaged on around June 18 via a ridiculous 48-hour scavenger hunt from New York City to Paris, nearly every second of which was documented on her Instagram. This whole schtick went viral and Fuchs quickly amassed thousands upon thousands of new followers.

While fans were gripped by this whole engagement whirlwind, The Atlantic reported that this was nothing but an elaborate ruse planned well beforehand by Fuchs and her sponsors.

Before this “engagement” kicked off, potential brands and agencies received a PDF pitch document outlining the entire proposal adventure as a kind of possible sponsorship agreement.

And boy was the document an exercise in desperate cringe.

The pitch contained a detailed itinerary for all the “spontaneous” things Fuchs’ would-be fiancé would do to “surprise” her, as well as a one-slide summary of her relationship, which sounds been quite nice if the whole thing was, you know, sincere.

But the pitch’s pièce de résistance are all the facepalm-worthy phrases, such as:

  • “A one-of-a-kind proposal experience for a one-of-a-kind female ambitionist.”
  • “We’re pleased to offer your brand the opportunity to align with this momentous occasion and the beautiful cities she will be visiting along the way.”

I’m willing to bet that even the worst draft of your resume doesn’t reek this much of desperate energy.

Check out the ridiculously hilarious pitch document right here and try not to strain yourself from all the cringing you will do.

Now this is far from the first time that an influencer has aligned themselves with brands in order to pull of “spontaneous” events, and Fuches certainly won’t be the last. But this is perhaps the funniest behind-the-scenes deep dive into one since we got a bunch of receipts detailing what went down.

To Fuches credit, she is maintaining the facade and shaking off the growing wave of criticism directed at her for this whole charade. But hey, that’s the Instagram influencer life right there.

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