Wishing someone a happy birthday has become an increasingly complicated thing to do.
It used to be as simple as a phone call. Then it was a lengthy text message, then a Facebook post declaring your undying love, then Facebook video montages were all the rage and, now, Instagram stories are the most popular “happy birthday”-mode of choice.
It’s a norm but it’s also time consuming. You spend a minimum of half an hour scrolling through your camera roll in search of the best pics of your bestie (which actually means you’re just looking for the best pics of you with your bestie) so you can post them for the world to see how perfect your friendship is and what a charming friend you are.
I say “you” because posting Instagram stories for a friends’ birthday is something I have never done. Every time I see someone else do it I question myself – is this something I should be doing? Does it make me a bad friend for not?
I always come back to the same answer: no. Why? Because posting birthday Instagram stories feels inherently selfish.
Sure, we’re celebrating someone else’s milestone and shining a light on them but, also on us. Look at me, I’m such a good friend, look at how much I make them laugh, look at how sweet my photos are. Look, look look!!!!!
It also feels extremely performative – I don’t force or fake my friendships in real life so why would I force, fake and filter them to perfection online?
I guess the same could be said about a perfectly curated Facebook collage. But there’s something about live posting a sequence of Instagram stories on my personal account that inherently feels more showy.
I have a question: how did Instagram stories become the default way to celebrate our friends? Since when did the gift of content become the most valuable birthday present we could give?
And why are we under the impression that this is okay?
When we genuinely care for someone we should be willing to do more than post a bunch of pics online for the world to see – we should take them out to lunch and shower them in love and buy them their favourite foods.
That’s not to say the people who post Instagram story tributes don’t do those things. But it is to say that friendships run a lot deeper than what is presented online – there’s a lot more to life than getting a good picture to share later.
So the next time it’s a friends birthday I’ll call them, or text them, or post a few embarrassing pics on Facebook. Then I’ll take them out to lunch to show them I care in a tangible way, not just through a digital screen.