Bleats

You Can Just Cut Down On Your Wagyu Steaks And Buy A House, According To This Judge

If you also stop having smashed avocado, we assume you can buy two!

You know how today’s aspirational youth sit around looking at property prices and lamenting the fact that even a housing slump hasn’t made property remotely affordable? Well, there’s a new easy solution: cut down on the wagyu steaks!

That’s the suggestion made by an Australian judge regarding mortgage stress and the need for young homebuyers to instead “make do” with more “modest fare”.

Now, the context in which Justice Perram made this statement is important: it was in his Federal Court ruling that Westpac had been justified in assuming that those who held a mortgage with them would budget accordingly to afford repayments rather than going into deep examination of their daily expenses.

The ASIC had challenged the bank over this matter, claiming that it was signing up mortgagees without adequately establishing that they’d be able to service their loans. And thus did Justice Perram deliver his soon-to-be-classic line:

“I may eat wagyu beef everyday washed down with the finest shiraz but, if I really want my new home, I can make do on much more modest fare.”

So the lesson here for young people is clear: get into the judging game stat, because apparently it’s all wagyu steaks and shiraz!

It’s an exciting update to Bernard Salt’s notorious 2016 column in the Australian in which he snidely suggested that if young people want to own a house they need only give up their smashed avocado on toast, thereby becoming crowded King Leader Of The Outraged Boomers.

As Martin Niemöller so nearlty wrote: first they came for our avocados and I said nothing, for I had wagyu beef…

If You're Still Living With Your Parents, You're Definitely Not Alone

We're all living with our parents now, that's just how it is.

It turns out that over half of Australia’s young adults are still living with their parents and the numbers are rising, especially for dames.

That’s people aged 18-to-29, not young people that are kids. Kids still do predominately live with their families, that’s not news.

But in yet more less-than-promising news taken from the latest Housing Income and Labour Dynamics survey (known as the HILDA Survey because it’s a kickin’ sort of a name for a thing) it turns out that kids aren’t moving out as early as they used to. Or, in some cases, at all.

The number of men living with a parent or two jumped from 47 per cent in 2001 to 56 per cent in 2017; but the number of women in the same boat went from 36 per cent to 54 per cent. Which is a heck of a jump.

So if you’re still living with parents, know that you’re not alone. At least, not nearly as often as you’d like.

There are some other surprising findings from the data: people in smaller towns moved out earlier than those in cities, the fastest growth in staying-put is in Queensland, and some of the reasons might be quite positive ones.

For example, it seems that are more people pursuing higher study, and some of the numbers might be people travelling before entering the full-time workforce.

But other big factors like the causualisation of the workforce making incomes less reliable, as well as increased housing costs, are less easy to spin into upbeat headlines.

And those lower rates of moving out in smaller towns might reflect that property is cheaper, or it might reflect people leaving to find work in cities.

In any case, let’s hear it for the parents. Goddamn but they put up with a lot.

The Worst Rental Bond Stories Are A Lesson In Winning At Renting

Getting your bond back isn't always as simple as you'd think.

One of the greatest annoyances about the whole renting thing, aside from the whole renting thing generally, is getting your bond back after you move out – which is as close to winning as renting gets.

No matter how flush you are, moving is an expensive business and securing a new place means paying the new bond before getting your old one back. And thus for a lot of renters that money is the difference between eating meals and doing weeks on two minute noodles.

Cheap dinner, or Christopher Pyne’s hair? NO-ONE CAN TELL.

And in theory it’s a pretty straightforward process: you leave, you clean the place and your landlord does a final inspection before giving your state bond body authority to release your money back to you.

In practice… well…

A quick and completely unscientific survey established that landlords will not necessarily see things the same way.

I lost part of a rental bond for dirt in the oven door, but it was in-between the two fused pieces of glass that make up the door so… not really sure how I could have cleaned it? Still stings years later.

I’ve lost parts of bond before for stupid things I was too tired from the ordeal of moving to fight, like $50 to replace a dead rose bush.

I lost part of a bond once for a broken rangehood. I’d done a tae kwon do class and was demonstrating how high I could kick and kicked it off it’s sliding thingy and broke it. It was fair.

I lost a small portion for, I kid you not, “cobwebs” with no evidence that the property manager even inspected it in a timeframe whereby spiders could not have produced them and no pictures to prove it to me.


I’ve spent hundreds of dollars fixing things that were broken when we moved in because “it doesn’t say it’s broken on the initial inspection sheet”. Now when I move into a new place I list every-fucking-thing that’s dirty, broken, not working, not cleaned properly, or just sitting there. Even down to blown light bulbs.

So now you know that they’ll hold out for, what’s the answer? Know your rights, be ready to exercise them, and don’t back down. Many landlords will cough up the bond if it saves them a tribunal visit, especially if they know they don’t have a leg to stand on.

Also, this is the best tip we’ve ever heard:

I strongly insinuated that I was a lawyer the time before last. It worked brilliantly.

So yeah, maybe invest in a wig?

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