Bleats

You Can Buy A Home For $11K In A Little Aussie Town, But How Comfy Are You With Murder?

Look, at least the neighbours are probably pretty quiet?

Property in Australia is both an Australian obsession and a national nightmare, with the dream of home ownership being little more than that for entire generations of Australians facing wage stagnation and the gig economy.

However, there is a place where someone with a pocketful of dreams and a few thousand bucks can start that dizzying ride that is owning property. Heck, a laundromat just went for eleven thousand dollars and even the largest homes are going for under a hundred K!

There is one teeny tiny little problem though.

it’s a fixer-upper!

Said properties are in Snowtown. Yes, that Snowtown.

Snowtown is known for two things: the 1999 Bodies in the Barrels murders, and the 2011 movie about the Bodies in the Barrel murders.

The details… look, they’re not great. You can look them up if you want.

That said, the murders are not the reason local property prices are so crazy low, though.

For one thing, they happened 20 years ago and, if anything, would be a bit of a draw. Indeed, the bank vault in which said bodies were entombed was successfully sold to a couple who’ve reportedly turned it into a nice if presumably very haunted home.

The issue is that Snowtown is a long way from the nearest big city, Adelaide – 145 km, to be specific – which makes it an unattractive commute for most workers.

Still, if you have the cash and don’t mind a long, flat drive to the nearest everything, dreams CAN come true!

I Think The Good Place Has Accidentally Ruined My Life Forever

Stupid smart show, ruining everything with its wisdom and terrible puns.

Spoilers for The Good Place ahead, obviously.

Damn you, stupid perfect show.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who think The Good Place is the towering pinnacle of the television and comedic arts, and people who are wrong.

At least, that’s how I felt until living in the aftermath of season three. And yes, we’re pulling gently into Spoilertown so opt out now if you haven’t watched this show yet despite it having existed for years and which is about to finish with the forthcoming fourth series.

Haunting.

The big reveal of this series – sorry, one of the many big reveals of the most big reveal-heavy show on television – was that no-one has gotten into the Good Place in over 500 years and that even the best person on the planet (according to the Good Place’s point system) didn’t have a hope in the bad place of getting in.

And this wasn’t because of a glitch in the system or because the Bad Place demons had corrupted the afterlife’s bureaucracy, but because life on Earth had gotten increasingly interconnected and complicated, making it impossible to do anything which is unambiguously good.

You and me both, Chidi m’boy. You and me both.

A call to your mum on her birthday uses a phone whose components are mined by slave labour. A visit to friends burns fossil fuels in a machine whose entire creation was an environmental nightmare. Everything has consequences which are not only unforeseeable, but unavoidable without making impractical sacrifices.

And it’s a great and complex idea – especially for a network sitcom – but also… oh god, they’re right. They’re so, so right.

Fair point, demon.

I mean, I could go vegan, walk and cycle everywhere and spend all my spare time researching cancer vaccines – things which I have not even come close to achieving, to be clear – and I’d still be falling massively short, not least because simply by working a job and buying things I am contributing to an economic system which devours the planet to fuel endless growth.

And recognising it does nothing bar make me ruin things which might otherwise perk me up. “Oh, South Australia’s entire electrical grid was fuelled by wind and solar yesterday, huh? Great! That’s a whole lot of greenhouse gas not pumped into the atmosphere… thanks to rare earth metals open cut forcibly mined under dictatorships.”

So thanks a bunch, The Good Place. I can’t even curl up with a television comedy without being made painfully aware that even the act of doing increases the heat on Earth by a tiny by measurable amount.

Say what you will about The Big Bang Theory, it didn’t make its viewers think about that. Or literally anything else.

You Should Experience Baker Boy Turning Hickory Dickory Dock Into A Goddamn Hip Hop Jam

Mizzle in the hizzle!

Look, we’re the first to admit that Hickory Dickory Dock doesn’t exactly slap. The narrative is weak, the melody simple, and modern audiences are more used to checking time on their phones than via vermin-infested timepieces.

And thus we salute Baker Boy, who took to Playschool for NAIDOC Week and gave a masterclass in nursery rhyme improvement.

From now on all children’s entertainment should feature a dance break and some rhymes in language, thanks.

Hottest 100 voters, take note.

#Trending

Show More Show Less

Follow Us