Everyone is dancing in streets about Toys R Us coming back to Australia, which I guess is good news if you’re COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO THE TWO FILMS COMING OUT THAT MAKE IT REALLY CLEAR WHY TOYS ARE A BAD IDEA!
I’m talking about Child’s Play and Annabelle Comes Home, which both feature creepy ass dolls trying to kill people. That’s it. I’ve pretty much just given away the entirety of both plots. Doll = Bad, and People = Dead.
With the two major films coming to cinemas only days apart you may not get a fresh pay day between each, so a decision will have to be made about which one of the two is worth seeing more. Thankfully, we’ve detailed the pros and cons of each doll based on how well they could defeat the other.
I present to you: Chucky vs Annabelle: A flight to the fluff-stuffed death!
In the Blue Corner Overalls: Chucky
Pros:
Deceptively cute;
Can wield a knife;
New and improved model that can f*** with your electronics!;
Mark Hamill is his voice (swooooooooooon); and
Has been around since the 80s, so he’s got years of experience of killing things.
Cons:
He’s only about 2 feet tall;
Runs on batteries;
Is a Ranga.
And in the Red Demonic Corner: Annabelle
Pros:
Demonic possessive powers;
Ability to teleport;
Has been around since the 60s, so even more experience killing things;
Freaky as all hell.
Cons:
Unsure if it can actually move???; and
Doesn’t know how to get out of a box.
So what would actually happen in the ring between these two? Honestly, they’d probably just work together to take out the entire cast of Toy Story 4. Now that’s a cross-over movie that needs to happen!
Imagine Chucky ripping Woody limb from limb while Annabelle sends Buzz to the deepest parts of Hell and beyond, and as they wipe the blood from their face they turn to face the camera and in a harsh voices whisper, “You’re next, Andy.”
