Before you blast me for carrying my boogers around – hear me out.
The beloved hanky. It’s a hemmed square of thin fabric which can be carried in your pocket or bag, intended for personal hygiene purposes like blowing your honker.
My earliest hanky memory was the one my mum used to carry in her bra.
It was used for cleaning my baby face after enjoying snacks, teaching me from a young age, the valuable lesson of personal hygiene.
By three years old I could independently blow my nose, mind blowing considering my peers were spending their days with snot tracks down their face. You remember them? The same kids who ran rampant around the school yard with Vegemite smiles? Ew.
They’ve probably grown up to be one of those people who sit next to you on the bus and smell like cat food. *voms in mouth*
Anyway.
Hankies are a Godsend and they’ve saved me from many awkward hay fever episodes that a handful of tissues just couldn’t. They offer a larger surface area; they don’t get wet and fall-a-party. They’re sturdy pieces of material, built for a honking work out.
Also, they’re compact. I can fit one neatly in my pocket/bag/bra easily – have you tried stuffing a tissue box in those places? Impossible. You look like you have a growth or something.
Also, hankies don’t come in just one scrunched up, boring brown colour.
No no no – hankies were, and still are, a stylish piece of attire.
That glamorous pocket square sticking out of that guy’s blazer? It’s a hanky. The soft white square handed to a 1950’s actress to dry her tears, a hanky. Yes, hankies have a variety of uses that tissues can’t always pull off.
Finally, I care about the environment. Did you know that tissues take an average of 2 to 6 weeks to break down in landfill? Pfft, a 15-minute load of washing can get rid of that bad boi.
I’m aware we’re all reading this like “yuck, that booger bag is loaded up to the brim and you want to put it in with your NORMAL load of washing?” Chill – when you wash hankies, you tend to put them in their own load of washing. Kinda like if you were washing a red shirt.
Judge me all you want, but I won’t be made to feel inadequate when I know I’m doing my thang for the environment, one sneeze at a time.
Bless you.