Bleats

Hocus Pocus Has A Hectic Plot Hole If You Wanna Dissect Something This Halloween

Dost thou comprehend?!

It’s officially the spooky season, you guys! This means you’ve got full permission to binge-watch every movie that’s even remotely Halloween-related. Unless you’re one of those people who thinks it’s cool to hate on Halloween, of course. In which case, you’ll just watch something normal and sulk, I guess.

Everyone else, however, can go ahead and revisit their all-time favourite supernatural flicks. For me, that is Hocus Pocus.

Credit: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

The ‘90s film is set in Salem, Massachusetts and focuses on the resurrection of nasty (but also weirdly relatable) witches – the Sanderson sisters – who suck the life out of children to stay young and immortal. Because what else would a group of old single witches want to do, right?

Witchy business.
Credit: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

It stars Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker; it features a Tony-worthy performance of ‘I Put A Spell On You’ (sung by Midler, obv) and it’s loaded with slapstick comedy that works surprisingly well for a film with a fairly dark premise.

It is one of my all-time-favourite films. But it has a huge problem. The plot doesn’t make total sense.  

At the very beginning of the movie, we see Sarah Sanderson (Parker) leading a little girl over to the witches’ hut. We quickly find out Sarah has a little gift where she can hypnotise kids with a song and lead them to their deaths.

“Come little children…”
Credit: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

When the three witches are resurrected 300 years later, they have 24 hours to suck the life force out of a child if they want to live forever. They go on to spend a good chunk of their limited time trying to get their hands on a kid.

Sarah waits until way too late in the night to go all Pied Piper on the kids. Why on Earth wouldn’t she have just sung her song right away?

Sure, they’re not the brightest, these witches, but it seems unlikely they’d just forget they have that asset available to them until the very last minute.

Dakota Fanning Confirms She Was A Savage To Her Lil Sis Straight Outta The Womb

“Put your wig back on!”

Being an older sibling comes with its setbacks. You’re kind of the guinea pig for your parents; the kid they’ll inevitably screw up a little as they figure out what they’re doing. You’re also likely to live under much stricter rules than your younger siblings – something you’ll definitely be bitter about for the rest of time.

That sibling kind of love.

It’s not all bad though. As the first child, you get certain advantages. One of which is: you get to boss your younger siblings around.

Dakota Fanning understands this power role completely, it seems. We know this because we’ve been treated to a video of her taking control of Halloween dress-ups with her little sis, Elle.

Elle Fanning shared the footage to Instagram over the weekend, and it’s about as incredible as it sounds (read: very).

In the video, the Fanning sisters are getting ready for some trick or treating (I assume) and Dakota is seen dominating the whole production.

At one point she even turns to Elle (who looks like she might be say, five?) and chastises her for taking off her wig.

The sass with which she delivers the line, “Go get your wig back on!” is seriously impressive.

Seeing the two little ladies prepare for their big night out – Dakota Fanning is prepping her eyebrows, which I did not learn to do until I was at least 25 – is insanely cute and instils a solid dose of FOMO in us Aussie kids who never got to celebrate Halloween while growing up.

Halloween jealousy, aside, however, the video is extremely relatable to anyone with a sibling. Whether you were the one doing the bossing, or the one being bossed around.

Ah, memories.

I Won't Relax Until I Know What Heidi Klum's 2019 Halloween Costume Is

Is it Alien? Is it Marie Antoinette? I need answers!

Unless you’ve been hiding away in some far-off Internet-free land for the past few years, chances are you’re aware that October is Heidi Klum season.

The Halloween Queen has had many contenders over the years but no-one (no, not even you, Kim Kardashian) has ever come close to Klum’s level of dedication to the spooky holiday.

Each year, the former model throws an epic Halloween party and debuts a costume that leaves jaws hitting the floor. This isn’t some “duh, I’m a mouse” sh*t; Klum shows up in an outfit worthy of a Broadway production.

In previous years she’s dressed up as Fiona from Shrek; Jessica Rabbit; the werewolf from ‘Thriller’ and herself times six.

This woman is not here to play.

Anyway, as she does every year, Klum is currently prepping for her big event. And knowing just how excited we mere mortals are about the big reveal, she decided to tease us with a coy hint.

On Instagram, she shared a video of the man behind at least one part of the magic. In it, said man is sculpting what looks like the face of Klum’s costume.

In her caption, Klum wrote:

“The @prorenfx team will spend 10 hours transforming me into [shh emoji] (it’s a secret).”

She went on to share that fans can get a glimpse of the costume at 10 am (local time) on Halloween outside the Amazon store in Manhattan.

Cool, ok. Noted. Now, onto the guessing,

From the raised, oval shape of the head, some people (myself included) are guessing she might be going as Alien.

Yes, this charming young creature.
Credit: 20th Century Fox

Others (also me) have assumed the shape could lend itself to a hairstyle worn by someone like Marie Antoinette. Although, that does sound a little meh for our girl Heidi.

A shade too basic for Heidi, perhaps?
Credit: Columbia Pictures

Another popular guess is a character from Coneheads. Remember that old gem? That’s a viable option, too. Sure.

The head isn’t *that* tall, but who knows?
Credit: Paramount Pictures

Other theories I’m currently working on are:

– A Star Wars character; the royal women tend to have funky hair, although this style doesn’t scream any one character.
– An alien from Mars Attacks? Not quite the right shape, but maybe?
– That blue singing alien lady from The Fifth Element.

Basically, I’m putting my money on some sort of alien… or a regal woman. (I’ve really narrowed it down, as you can see.)

Most likely, however, we’ll all be way off and she’ll turn up in something unusual and fabulous like she always has.

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