Bleats

Hocus Pocus Has A Hectic Plot Hole If You Wanna Dissect Something This Halloween

Dost thou comprehend?!

It’s officially the spooky season, you guys! This means you’ve got full permission to binge-watch every movie that’s even remotely Halloween-related. Unless you’re one of those people who thinks it’s cool to hate on Halloween, of course. In which case, you’ll just watch something normal and sulk, I guess.

Everyone else, however, can go ahead and revisit their all-time favourite supernatural flicks. For me, that is Hocus Pocus.

Credit: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

The ‘90s film is set in Salem, Massachusetts and focuses on the resurrection of nasty (but also weirdly relatable) witches – the Sanderson sisters – who suck the life out of children to stay young and immortal. Because what else would a group of old single witches want to do, right?

Witchy business.
Credit: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

It stars Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker; it features a Tony-worthy performance of ‘I Put A Spell On You’ (sung by Midler, obv) and it’s loaded with slapstick comedy that works surprisingly well for a film with a fairly dark premise.

It is one of my all-time-favourite films. But it has a huge problem. The plot doesn’t make total sense.  

At the very beginning of the movie, we see Sarah Sanderson (Parker) leading a little girl over to the witches’ hut. We quickly find out Sarah has a little gift where she can hypnotise kids with a song and lead them to their deaths.

“Come little children…”
Credit: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

When the three witches are resurrected 300 years later, they have 24 hours to suck the life force out of a child if they want to live forever. They go on to spend a good chunk of their limited time trying to get their hands on a kid.

Sarah waits until way too late in the night to go all Pied Piper on the kids. Why on Earth wouldn’t she have just sung her song right away?

Sure, they’re not the brightest, these witches, but it seems unlikely they’d just forget they have that asset available to them until the very last minute.

Dakota Fanning Confirms She Was A Savage To Her Lil Sis Straight Outta The Womb

“Put your wig back on!”

Being an older sibling comes with its setbacks. You’re kind of the guinea pig for your parents; the kid they’ll inevitably screw up a little as they figure out what they’re doing. You’re also likely to live under much stricter rules than your younger siblings – something you’ll definitely be bitter about for the rest of time.

That sibling kind of love.

It’s not all bad though. As the first child, you get certain advantages. One of which is: you get to boss your younger siblings around.

Dakota Fanning understands this power role completely, it seems. We know this because we’ve been treated to a video of her taking control of Halloween dress-ups with her little sis, Elle.

Elle Fanning shared the footage to Instagram over the weekend, and it’s about as incredible as it sounds (read: very).

In the video, the Fanning sisters are getting ready for some trick or treating (I assume) and Dakota is seen dominating the whole production.

At one point she even turns to Elle (who looks like she might be say, five?) and chastises her for taking off her wig.

The sass with which she delivers the line, “Go get your wig back on!” is seriously impressive.

Seeing the two little ladies prepare for their big night out – Dakota Fanning is prepping her eyebrows, which I did not learn to do until I was at least 25 – is insanely cute and instils a solid dose of FOMO in us Aussie kids who never got to celebrate Halloween while growing up.

Halloween jealousy, aside, however, the video is extremely relatable to anyone with a sibling. Whether you were the one doing the bossing, or the one being bossed around.

Ah, memories.

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