Bleats

Halloween Is About Death, But Not Just In A Spooky Scary Skeleton Way

Happy Halloween! Whatever that means…

Every year October 31 rolls around and people crack out their best candy, spookiest decorations, and cutest (read: sluttiest) animal costume.

DUH. Source: Giphy

Halloween is a huge event in America but, in recent years, it’s become more and more of an institution in Australia. There’s a street in my suburb that is so packed full of people on Halloween that you can barely move and the decorations are out of this world. Last year, one of the houses set up a grizzly fake car crash in their driveway.

Not related, but pretty funny.

We all love playing dress up and gorging on free candy, but that isn’t actually what Halloween is about. Chances are, you have no idea what Halloween is about. I know I don’t – I Google the same question every October 31: what is Halloween?

Save your Googling, because I’ve done the digging for you.

YERR WELCOME. Source: Giphy

The Western world has got one main thing right about Halloween: it is about death. But not in the spooky skeleton and ghost kinda way.

Instead, Halloween is about death in a spiritual way. Specifically, in a Christian way. Halloween – officially called All Hallows or All Saints’ Day – originated in the Christian church as a celebration of all those who had died, particularly those who inspired faith.

In the Roman Catholic tradition, ‘saints’ refers to people who devoted their life to their religion. But in the Protestant tradition, ‘saints’ refers more generally to all believers.

So All Saints’ Day – er, Halloween – is technically a Christian festival to remember the dead. Instead of mourning the deceased, the day focuses on celebrating the life they lived and honouring their memory. Over the years, Western secular society has taken this tradition and made it into a much more literal practice – it’s why people dress up as the dead (ghosts and zombies and undead brides) for Halloween.

Ex-wife FTW. Source: Giphy

Honouring the dead has taken different forms throughout history and throughout different cultures.

The Celtic origins of Halloween, known as Samhain, included giving gifts to the dead. In Mexico, there is the Day of The Dead (Dia de Los Muertos) where gifts are similarly left on graves and the living throw parties to honour the lives of those they have lost.

A festival of the dead seems strange and out of place in a world which is obsessed with finding miracle cures to diseases and denying death in various ways. The origins of Halloween stand in stark contrast to our modern obsession with anti-ageing, life extending technology.

It’s also weird to think that about 30 per cent of the Australian population don’t prescribe to a religion, yet they knowingly participate in a religious holiday every year.

So if we’re a society that is obsessed with prolonged life and rejects religion, why are people so fascinated with Halloween?

I think the answer comes back to the same thing we’ve been discussing all this time: death. Humans have an inherent fascination with death, the afterlife and what lies beyond. You don’t need to believe in a God to believe there’s something more after we die. Or to find skeletons spooky.

We Are All This Kid In A Minion Costume Being Taunted By The Trumps

If they can’t hand out candy, forget running a country.

Halloween! It’s the spookiest time of year, second only to the days when I leave the house without shaving my legs.

I like to keep things spicy. Source: GIphy

Lots of scary things happen on and in the lead up to October 31st: shops run out of all the good candy, you go broke buying props to perfect your costume, and small children run rampant.

The chanting of “trick or treat!” haunts me in my dreams for months after Halloween.

But there’s one especially scary – and sadly not surprising – thing that happened this Halloween: President Donald Trump. Specifically, an ‘incident’ which occurred at the annual White House trick or treat event involving Trump, Melania, a child in a Despicable Me minion costume, and two innocent chocolate bars.

It all begins normally enough: children in all sorts of costumes queue to get candy from The President. There’s a kid in a t-rex costume, a couple of Buzz Lightyears, a female Pennywise, and a little girl dressed as a butterfly. All the usual suspects.

But things get weird when a child dressed as a minion approaches Trump and Melania. When I say weird I mean downright mean because this just feels cruel:

Yep, The President and First Lady of the United States appear to taunt a small child with candy. Instead of placing the chocolate bar in the basket the child is CLEARLY HOLDING, they put the chocolate on top of the costume. The child is clearly confused, wondering where their chocolate has gone. And Melania and Trump don’t batt an eyelid.

No, seriously, Melania doesn’t move her eyes. Her brain cells check out and she just blindly follows her husband’s lead.

Yep, nothing behind the eyes.

We can all relate to this child. We too approach our politicians and world leaders, like Trump, in good faith only to be ridiculed and mocked for the world to see. We’re the fools for believing in them, for believing they will implement real change and be decent people. For believing their lies and deceit.

We’re the fools for continually trusting a man who picks fights with celebrities on Twitter.

The difference is, we’re adults who make independent, (mostly) educated decisions. But the children? The children are innocent. Leave the children alone. That includes children dressed as minions, soldiers, astronauts, and any other Halloween costume. I’m looking at you, Trumps.

A Deep Dive Into The Most Effed Up Products On Wish

I definitely did not wish for this.

I definitely did not wish for this.

Picture this:

It’s really early in the morning, you’re on a packed train struggling from caffeine withdrawal and biting the inside of your cheek slightly to stop you from nudging the person next to you who insists on elbowing you in the ribs.

You’re still grumpy, a bit vulnerable, and are thinking about the bed that you left behind.

As you scroll mindlessly through Facebook just trying to pass the time, you get the shock of your life:

JuSt WhAT i wAantED. Source: wish.com

This^ atrocity. Suddenly you’re wide awake and repulsed and hoping the person beside you (yes the same idiot who is still elbowing you in the ribs) doesn’t think you’re into some weird hobby.

Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened to you – wish.com (which is an e-commerce platform based in California) has been serving you adds for random, horrific items for some time.

You’ve never looked on the website let alone bought shoes that look like fish, but Wish and Facebook think you want them anyway.

Source: wish.com

Wish is a cesspool of some of the internets weirdest and wackiest buys. If you don’t believe me then that’s fine. But I’m about to shake you to your very core.

ick. Source: Giphy

If you want to step up your fashion game, why try this bad boy on for size:

Source: wish.com

Stressing too much? Don’t want wrinkles? Wish has you covered.

Source: wish.com

Love the taste of human blood but feel too ashamed to drink the real thing in public? Then you should seek psychiatric help. But also:

Source: wish.com

Here’s some fun prosthetics to help you embrace your true self:

Source: wish.com

And an outfit to help you express your intense love for cough syrup:

Source: wish.com

And, finally, something that tells your crush “I’m available and yes, I’m into butt stuff.”

Source: wish.com

If none of this^ scares you, then check out Wish yourself. But be prepared friends, it’s one deep, dark hole you may never return from.

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