Bleats

Turns Out That You're Definitely Not Going To Start Watching Game Of Thrones Now

People are time poor, at least when it comes to dragons.

With all of the televisual options at our collective fingertips we’ve been forced to face a grim fact which previous generations never had to face: runaway climate change. And also, pure entertainment fatigue.

More to the point, with quality television on multiple services and networks it’s impossible to just keep up with everything that’s out there, much less dip back into the vast catalogue of established classics.

“Eh, I can work out the show through the memes, thanks.”

When you’re trying to keep up with whatever’s just appeared on Netflix and Stan or the on-demand options on most of our traditional stations, are you ever going to swing back into the library of old favourites? Especially since Disney+ is just around the corner and you already know that you’re just going to stream The Simpsons over and over and over?

In any case: the fact is that you’re almost certainly not going to start Game Of Thrones for the first time now.

Eh, you already know it.

At least, that’s the finding of my completely unscientific study, which involved going on social media and asking “so, what do you think you’d like but won’t ever get around to watching?”

Hundreds of votes were cast in a massive triumph of democracy and it turns out that the biggest television drawcard of all time is now The Thing You Should Have Watched At The Time But Missed Your Chance.

Just shy of 20 per cent of the votes cast were for everyone’s favourite Not As Good As the Book Dragons show (18.9 per cent, to be specific).

That’s also true of other prestige dramas, like Breaking Bad (thirteen per cent), The Sopranos (8.5 per cent) and The Wire (seven per cent). Everyone knows they’re classics. No-one has time to start slogging through that many seasons now.

What’s weird is how many people nominated shows which are relatively recent – BoJack Horseman, Fleabag, Killing Eve, even Brooklyn Nine-Nine which isn’t exactly an episodic series.

But the fact is that our numbers clearly tell us that nobody will start Game Of Thrones at this point. Who has the time to commit to six whole seasons and a legendarily unsatisfying ending? Life’s too short, frankly.

if you have a show that you want to watch but never will, let us know. We’re just going to sit here, feeling guilty about that unopened pile of Friday Night Lights DVDs.

The GOAT Never-Going-To-Have-Time-To-Watch-This Top Ten

  1. Game Of Thrones
  2. Breaking Bad
  3. The Sopranos
  4. The Wire
  5. The West Wing
  6. Mad Men
  7. The Handmaid’s Tale
  8. Rick And Morty
  9. Deadwood
  10. The Crown

We Are Here For The Good Place's Stealth Subplot About How Lazy Dudes Suck

Maximum Derek, doing the minimum.

The Good Place is back (for the last time, because we live in the worst timeline) and landed with an incredibly dense and intriguing first episode. But despite the huge amount the best show on television was handling with new and old characters, a new setting and everything else it still managed to include a subtle but pointed slam at how lazy dudes are the goddamn worst.

And obviously this is kinda spoilery so if you’ve been holding off watching the fourth season until more episodes accumulate then now is the time to bail with this important public service announcement.

OK: so, we have a new Good Place, created and peopled by Janet (series MVP D’arcy Carden) and helped by her self-created rebound boyfriend Derek (the gloriously unhinged Jason Mantzoukas).

And this is the world in which the new test of four new humans will take place upon which, you know, the entire future and past of humanity depends.

But there’s one fairly brilliant little wrinkle to the Janet/Derek dynamic that’s buried amid the somewhat exhausting amount of exposition packed into the episode. And it’s this:

Janet is stressed to near breaking point by having to maintain the entire universe, while Derek is swanning around with magnificently bad approximations of cocktails (including, at one point, an entire onion in a glass) complimenting himself on the people walking around – or, as he calls them, his Derek-babies.

And while it’s a solid joke made to needle Janet’s doe-eyed swain Jason (Manny Jacinto), it also illustrates a larger point.

When a couple makes a new human its generally the female half of the couple who gets to do all the heavy lifting and all the emotional and gynaecologically-literal labour.

Meanwhile dad gets to pretty much keep doing what he does, pausing only to pat himself on the back for being such a stud.

And if that seems like an unfair stereotype, that’s pretty much what all the research tells us: new fathers have their careers and earning pretty much put along, new mums take years to even get back to where they were before getting pregnant, and usually find themselves doing all the home duties on top of their day job as a fun bonus. Annabel Crabb has just written an entire Quarterly Essay about it which every dad-to-be should read, frankly.

Anyway: that paragraph was way more preachy than the episode was, but how many comedies would manage to seamlessly weave a critique of modern parenting inequalities into its D plot, in an episode which also includes a baby elephant made of pure light speaking universal truths?

Thank you, The Good Place, for taking lazy dads to task. Goddamn, we don’t deserve a show this good.

Ghost Rider Is Coming To The MCU Despite Everything About It Clearly Being Cursed

Also, he's not in the sky.

Given that Ghost Rider is a character forced by a demonic pact to act as a spirt of vengeance it’s not a huge surprise to see that everything it touches is cursed. And yet it appears that Marvel are determined to bring it into the MCU, despite the ill fortune this will clearly bring upon them.

So: Ghost Rider (the character) had turned up in Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D played by Gabriel Luna. However, the confidence in which Marvel held the character’s ability to hold an entire series was indicated in that it was not kept for Disney+ where all the prestige Marvel series’ are going.

No, it was handballed instead to Hulu – not even to Netflix as a sop for cancelling Daredevil/Jessica Jones/Luke Cage/Iron Fist on them.

Hulu has Marvel’s Runaways, which is a series you hadn’t heard of until this sentence and gives you some idea of the prestige of the place. But now the plans to set Ghost Rider off there has fallen over too, with the series being deep sixed.

Now, it’s not entirely clear as to whether the series might find a new home, but there’s also whispers that a lady Ghost Rider will be introduced into the MCU in the form of Bella Thorne, who will be introduced in the upcoming Doctor Strange and the Multiverse Of Madness, which will have a whole bunch of alternate versions of characters – including, presumably, the Alejandra Jones incarnation of the Rider.

So will Thorne be there in place of a Johnny Blaze/Danny Ketch/Robbie Reyes/whoever else, or will he still turn up in his own right, or will all attempts to make something of Ghost Rider just fall apart because Nicolas Cage made the role his own?

And he had cool shades too!

Our money’s on the last one, frankly.

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